Feeling like I don't belong

So I haven't posted on here in ages as in the end we managed to conceive naturally even though we had started down regulation of cycle 2. So I don't feel as though I really belong here anymore as we didn't have an ivf pregnancy and I know what the infertility struggle is like for all you strong ladies and I don't want to put my bfp in people's faces. So I thought I would join a normal pregnancy forum but so don't belong there either as I just get so annoyed at reading people's stories of "oh I wasn't really trying. Wasn't really bothered but thought oh well I may as well keep it" and "I just can't quit smoking I've managed to get down to just 6 a day" people just really peeing me off and I want to yell at them all but I know that won't help either.

I feel in limbo somewhere between the fertile and infertile but not belonging to either. I just want to talk to someone else about their pregnancy and how they are finding it but haven't told friends and family yet so can't turn to them.

Where do I belong?

25 Replies

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  • I can completely relate. We had our natural bfp after 3 failed icsi cycles and I've done the same - not wanting to post on here but found the pregnancy forums completely the wrong place for all the reasons you said. Don't think you aren't still part of this forum because you had a natural bfp though - however you got that bfp, we have all been on the same struggles to try to get there in the first place. And it is hard waiting for those scans, isn't it? I keep feeling after so long ttc, that I can't believe it is true and that the rug might be pulled out from under me. I'm 10 weeks and counting the days til my 12 week scan! If you want to pm me, you are welcome to anytime - a way to support eachother with understanding of what we've been through without the worry of posting for everyone and that worry about causing others pain. I'm sure there will be others on here that would be happy for you to do the same. Best wishes xx

  • Hi ch319. So sorry to hear that you are feeling so lost. I'm sure some of the ladies will support you here, even by private message. You started out having fertility treatment, so you must know what it was like to start the IVF process and how mind blowing it all was. I hope by now you have had, or soon will have your first midwife appointment, and hopefully she will help you to stop smoking and offer you ways of support. Just wanted to wish you well with it all, and for an uncomplicated pregnancy and birth. Thinking of you. Diane

  • Hey sorry to clarify I don't smoke it was just stupid comments other pregnant women were making on the other forum that really pissed me off. How dare they smoke when there are people on here going through all they are and would give anything for a baby. It's so selfish it irritated me so I left that group

  • Hi ch319. Oops! Got my wires crossed! I used to be a midwife, and to see heavily pregnant women standing outside smoking was such an annoyance, believe me! If only they could see how a heavy smoker can upset a new-born baby. They cry lots for some time, because of withdrawal symptoms. Moan over, you enjoy your pregnancy, as it is such a magical time. Lots of women suffer a few "blips" along the way, but all ends well- a wonderful time. Diane

  • I just want to offer my support and you are welcome to pm me anytime too. I often feel a bit guilty coming on here and checking up on everyone as I was lucky and my FET worked and I have a beautiful baby boy. But this forum got me through the hardest years of my life and I check in out of habit and in the hope I can support someone on their journey they way everyone supported me.

    I agree about the pregnancy forums. i just couldn't relate to any of those ladies either.

    Sending you a big hug and I'm here for you if you need anything.

    Personally I feel all the ladies in this group are supportive as they know every journey is different but equally as hard so I'm sure you will get some support from others too xxx

  • Thank you. That's how I feel the women on here are so much more supportive and know much more where I am coming from and how important my baby is in a way women on other forums just don't get

  • Hello!

    It's almost like I could have written this post! Well, we did need ICSI to get us pregnant, now 6 weeks and counting after our second cycle. Looking forward (both anxiously and excitedly) to our scan next week Wednesday!

    But I so hear you on not knowing where to belong as a quick glance at the pregnancy forums totally put me off!

    How far along are you?

    Let's stay in touch!

  • Just wanted to offer you my support. I feel the same - not quite belonging. I have secondary infertility. We have a beautiful, precious boy who is 5 now and are trying, without any success, for a second child. I am too old for IVF on the NHS and we can't afford to go privately. Not the same situation as you find yourself in but I do understand what it is like not to quite fit in, not finding a place where you can feel you can share your emotions. This forum has some lovely, kind, inspiring people and although I'm not going through IVF or primary infertility it has been very helpful to me, they get it. Best wishes x

  • Oh I so agree I just don't want to shove my success in people's faces cos I know having been there myself I can be hard to stomach if your 2ww has just ended in a bfn

  • Don't go! x

  • I don't know where to go!

  • Good. You'll have to stay xx

  • Hey Ch319,

    You are more than welcome here.

    Despite my failed attempts I still hold hope of may going naturally and women like you keeping us posted is a reminder it can happen.

    I am totally up for supporting women who have had fertility problems but also all women in general. We all have our struggles one way or another and I feel the ladies on here are so supportive especially at a time we could all do with some kindness. Please stay with us.

    Oh and finally congrats on your pregnancy, wonderful news 😘❤ xx

  • Well my pregnancy hormones must be kicking in as this post made me cry. Thank you so much for your kindness. I really hope everyone on here will get their bfp one day. I have never known such lovely women who deserve to be mummies x

  • 😘❤

  • You do belong here.

    So you have gone on to get a positive, but surely that is why we are all here. You provide hope for us and yet you still understand that it is a process for the women here, sometimes a gruelling and miserable one. You get it.

    I can't see why anyone supportive would not have a home here...so please stay :)

  • Thank you x

  • Yes PLEASE don't go

    We need positive stories like urs

    Yes I know u got pregnant in a different way . But still u have and we all can't b happier for u . 😘

  • Thank you it has still not sunk in and it's been 5 weeks since we found out!

  • Oh no don't go on those awful forums! I felt a bit lost when I got my bfp at first (sadly ended in a mmc at 8wks) but everyone here was so lovely and supportive through the fabulous news, and later the shit news! I think I felt a bit shell shocked, like I'd come out of a disaster! Definitely stick around, I'm sure there's lots of ladies that are feeling the same as you on here who will be able to support you xxx

  • Stay here. We all need positive stories to give us hope 😊 x

  • You defo belong here. Please stay xx

  • Congratulations! How far song are u? You can private message me anytime. Ihope you're feeling well and when do u plan on telling people? I understand you wanting to wait.

  • Hey I think I'm between 9 and 10 weeks. 10 weeks from lmp 9 weeks 4 days based on early scan. Currently due around xmas day

  • I'm 8 weeks with IVF and due 1/7/18 so I'm rooting for us! Let's stay positive. Regardless of how we got here gotta stay positive always!

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