Support for the end of the road

[Kookypie]

Hi Guys

I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself and just could do with a few encouraging words. It's always harder to give those words to yourself.

I've just had my fourth transfer and it was a BFN and I feel this has to be the end of the road for me. In theory I physically could handle more treatment but I don't think mentally I can. It's been my life on and off for three years and I sort of knew this would be my last go.

It's just a bit of a shock and feels a bit raw at the moment. I think given more time I'll look into adoption as a way to start a family and luckily myself and my husband seem to be on the same page for this.

If there are any like minded folk in a similar position wishing to connect that would be lovely x

[Hidden]

Hi, I am so sorry you find yourself in this position. I am sort of same but different in that after 6 cycles I have had to abandon any hope of an own egg child and am looking into/pursuing cautiously donor eggs.. which I know I am lucky to have the opportunity to do, and many women do this and its a gift etc but for me personally its a massive loss and not the outcome I had planned when I started TTC. I hope that doesn't offend anyone reading that.

The biggest thing I discovered when I finally sat down and tried to come to terms with it was that I needed to grieve. For all the lost hope, for the numerous miscarriages I had, for the baby that will never have my eyes etc. I hadn't realised that I had bottled up so much. I ended up being so bitter and twisted I couldn't even look a woman pushing a pram in the eye. So I self referred to talking therapies on the NHS. I hadn't bothered with counselling with my clinic as it hadn't really worked for me and it had made me feel guilty and judged. And tbh I am sort of a 'I want a fix' type of person not a 'lets talk about it but get nowhere' type of person. But the one thing it helped me with is acknowledging my emotions and accepting they were all very acceptable but perhaps more importantly all the resentment I felt (and I felt a LOT believe me all sorts of different types) was very normal and actually all the plans I had about making people realise what a terrible time I had had just wouldn't achieve anything. I feel a lot calmer and a lot saner for it and so would highly recommend it.

Happy to PM if you want to chat further, I've been on this road for quite a while now, but also appreciate you may be thinking donor eggs just isn't the same as adoption and so I wouldn't understand and thats fine too. Huge hugs xx

[DJ202]

Hi Kookypie, I want you to know that I'm so sorry for you and my heart goes out to you! I can only imagine what a difficult journey it has been for you and how hard it must have been to make this decision! Often the difficult things in life are to arrive at a decision. I know you have it in you to find your way from there and adoption is a wonderful option to complete your family and to give a loving home to a child! I'm not in the same position (currently undergoing my second IVF cycle), but want you to know that we're thinking of you! xx

[ZiggyandBC]

Hey lovely. I’m sorry, my heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be. I’m currently waiting for IVF on the NHS but I’m trying to plan ahead in case treatment doesn’t work and adoption is something me and my partner would be happy with. Give yourself time to come to terms with what’s happened and give yourself time to heal. Adoption is a wonderful way to have children and I hope the process is a lot kinder than IVF. Sending you lots of love ❤️❤️

[Jess1981]

I'm very sorry to hear that your treatment hasn't led to a baby for you , I can't imagine how heartbreaking that must feel. Not in the same position but wanted to say I'm hoping the adoption route goes smoothly for you. I always think it's such a wonderful thing to do part of me would love to adopt/foster. Any dope can be a parent but i think it takes a very special person to adopt and love a child like your own. There are so many children that need good stable parents and I'm sure you will make a huge difference child's life. You will make wonderful parents and that child will be so grateful to have you as their mother Xx

[AuroraXen]

I'm so sorry Kookypie. It's just the worst. It just isn't fair. And it's so hard to see people get their miracle when it just doesn't happen for you. We all deserve that miracle here, but sadly, despite the optimistic posts of 'I know we'll all get our babies', the sad truth is we WON'T 😭. Not the conventional way anyway (if you can call IVF conventional 🙄). Positive thinking is great but still...that alone won't do it for many of us. I completely get what you're going through. We have our last cycle soon. Trying naturally this month (we are very lucky, I know, to even be able to try naturally, even though we've never had any success) but booked in for our last ICSI next month. Part of me thinks if that doesn't work, we should borrow beg and steal more money to go again, but there has to be a time to draw a line. If it was a sure thing, great, it's worth it! But there comes a point where I think we have to accept how things are and look at a life beyond all of this. Because for me personally, it's so hard to really LIVE when you're going through all of this. Life is dominated by waiting, prepping for your next cycle, living the rollercoaster of IVF, then if TTC naturally, taking endless supplements, the monthly palaver of perfectly timed by ultimately fruitless sex, sacrificing nights out to avoid overdoing the alcohol, powering through on decaf coffee when you're shattered. Sending you lots of love in your next steps and lots of understanding xxx