There WILL be children at the end of this.

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Just thought I'd update. We have had a big week, with a local adoption info evening on Thursday, geneticist appointment on Friday and the alternative families show on Saturday!

The geneticist has agreed to refer us for nhs PGD, so we are waiting to make the next consultant appointment to get started with that.

The local authority adoption service seem amazing, and were very positive about something called "foster for adopt" which would give us a chance at adopting a newborn.

Finally, a wonderful couple of people from other adoption agencies spoke to us at the alternative families show and my hubbie says he is finally beginning to get his head around the good things adoption could bring (I've always been quite pro-adoption- I feel like we could make an amazing difference to a child's life).

So we have a plan. One more go at ivf, using PGD but knowing that we have a slim-to-none chance of it working. Frankly, if it wasn't funded I'm pretty sure we wouldn't think it was worth it... PGD costs around £11000 per cycle... you want decent odds for that!

Then, we will start looking at adoption for real. I know we need a break between the end of ivf and the start of registering for adoption, but as hubbie started a new job today, we probably want to have a bit of time anyway before we start the intrusive process of weekly social worker visits!

So, there you have it. We've got a plan. And plans always make you feel more positive. I won't lie, I was still knocked for six by a birth announcement on Facebook earlier this evening (married three months after us... it's their second... ouch, I'm jealous!) but I just keep reminding myself that there is a child or children for us at the end if this journey, and we will be better parents as we have developed resilience to life's knocks along the way.

So that's where we are up to. Thanks for reading my long message!

[Hidden]

Wow inspirational and positive I love it, families come together in all different ways (ours is DE) but the love and stability are what matters. Good luck and keep that positive outlook xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Hidden]

Thanks button. You're right, love is the key xx

[ClarabGlasgow]

That is so lovely. We have one child conceived naturally but would love another. Just had a failed ivf & don't think I can face it again. My DH is keen to explore adoption and I am warming to the idea. A lot of research to do though. Brilliant that all scenarios for you will lead to a positive outcome, exciting times xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to ClarabGlasgow]

Well... a positive outcome assuming we are approved for adoption! I might be jumping the gun a little but I really can't see why we wouldn't be so I'm not putting that negative hat on!

I definitely recommend an adoption information evening- we found it so helpful and there was no pressure put on us at all.

[C_L_A_I_R_E]

Sounds like you have made positive plans! Very inspirational! Keep us updated! ❤️

[Lou9]

This post filled me with hope and inspiration. Wishing you so much luck and happiness as you continue on your journey. Xx

[Fredaflintstone]

You will definitely get there Hun and it sounds like you are approaching everything in a really balanced and strong way. If things don't work for us this time I think we'll maybe have one more try with our frosties after some more tests and then look into adoption. We'd have done that sooner but have a lot of frosties so need to continue down this route for now. I've always been very pro adoption and am surprised in a way to find I'm so involved now the ivf process. I think we'll look into adoption too whatever happens but obviously can't go forward with that while doing IVF. The foster to adopt option sounds really good. Good luck with your PGD too xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Fredaflintstone]

If I had Frosties I would be using them too! Unfortunately, the nature of our chromosome disorder is probably why we never got any.

[7AVA]

It's great to read a post like this Lizzie. I really hope your next round works but you're right, if adoption is the route you take, you will make wonderful parents and I'm sure your child will be very loved. As you say, it's great to have a plan and feel that there will be children in your life xxx

[AllWeNeedIsluv]

All we need is love. And you've got can whole load to offer. Your child/ children will be very lucky to have parents like you. I'm so happy to read such a post of positivity. I wish you and your future family all the happiness in the world 💗🤗😗

[katya38]

Always good to have a plan. We didn't wait too long after ivf failed to be accepted to start adoption. Just to point out foster to adopt has many success stories but there are some pit falls just incase they rose tinted it too much. With a newborn you'd prob still be doing weekly contact sessions and there is the possibility they could go back to birth family. But I think in many cases the adoption does go very smoothly and the likelihood is they would stay with you. Wishing you all the very best with the next part of your journey! Xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to katya38]

In our area it has been 1/30 cases where the child has gone back. We were able to talk to a parent who has been through it which was very helpful.

It's good to hear you've been accepted, I followed your story along the way x

[katya38 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Thanks we re not approved yet tho panel in Jan. All seems to be going well tho x

[Sunshine09]

All the very best keep that positivity, 🤞❤️🌈👣💋

[E_05]

What a lovely post thats so inspiring! Your right having a plan definitely does help, I wish you all the luck in the world for yours xx

[Hidden]

We're in the same boat and have been to the adoption evening which was inspiring. I'm due to do a frozen cycle next week hopefully and then we have one more round of funding for fresh and then off to adoption if needs be. Ironically my husband would rather adopt now as has had enough of ivf and I'm happy as I have a plan a and b. Like you one way or another we will have a family 😀😀 x

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Hidden]

Exactly- for me it's not about being pregnant it's about being a mum.

[Georgina78]

Hi Lizzie, what a lovely positive post. Really glad you're looking forward and have plans, this lack of control we have during fertility treatment makes this so important doesn't it!

I hope the next cycle works for you but if not, I hope adoption does.

My hubby and I have decided to adopt after 4 cycles of ivf and just not feeling able to do it anymore. We've been to a few info events, decided on an agency and now we're having work done on our home and we'll start the process in the new year (assuming we're agreed to go ahead!)

Adoption had started to feel more positive than ivf for us although it's certainly not without its worries of course (especially considering today's news on it) but it feels right for us. We're still considering the FTA option, as although it seems tempting that we could be matched with a very young baby, there will be less known about them, such as if birth mother drank frequently during pregnancy (and wasn't honest about it) or if they will meet milestones even with 100% input from us. Lots to think about but we both have time don't we!

Wishing you lots of luck whatever road you end up on xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Georgina78]

Yes there are pros and cons between both types of adoption, happily I think we could be content with either ffa or traditional so we are hoping that the approval process will help us to decide if one is better than the other... alternatively it's in the hands of fate! If they had foetal alcohol syndrome or whatever, we would deal with it.

Good luck with your next steps xx

[Georgina78 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

We're exactly the same, hoping the process will assist us to decide! We just need all the facts to make an informed decision don't we..

Thank you, you too xx

[WeeMrsH]

Love this Lizzie! Good for you, and lots of luck with it xxx

[Scarlett13]

Hello! I've read that foster to adopt means that you won't get paid for any time off during the fostering process, only for straight adoption, do you know anything more about this? Fostering to adopt sounds great as you have more chance of getting a younger child and less trauma for the child to go through x

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Scarlett13]

The lady we spoke to was able to take adoption leave from her work when she first got the baby, so presumably normal arrangements apply. Also she was paid a small amount in the first months as she was technically a foster carer before the adoption order went through. Presumably you would clarify with your own workplace what the arrangements would be for you. For us, we are quite lucky in that we could just about manage with me not working for a while, and as I'm only part time now I wouldn't get paid that much on mat/adoption leave anyway.

We haven't in any way decided what course we would take but we found the foster to adopt info really interesting and it was great to speak to someone who has been through it. I've also worked with a family on the other side, where a baby had to be removed at birth, and it was definitely the right thing for that child, which also gives me a positive vibe about the process. Having said that, we might equally decide we'd prefer traditional adoption so we could maybe adopt siblings. So it's all wide open, but the main thing is feeling like we have some choices again.

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

@scarlett13 this link might help: certainly suggests to me you would be entitled to adoption leave. first4adoption.org.uk/adopt...

[Tara2016 in reply to Scarlett13]

Hi Scarlett, Lizzie,

That used to be the case but in April last year they made it legislation that employees could start their adoption leave from the moment a child is placed with them under foster to adopt regulations so you will get paid your adoption pay.

There are a lot of pros and cons to FfA but one thing I have to say is that you need to be prepared for uncertainty in any route for adoption. As long as you are well researched, prepared and can handle uncertainty, you will be fine x

[Daxi16]

Yes your so right as humans we all need a plan. You sound very positive and organised with what your doing. Good luck on your journey and the little ones at the end 🌈 xxx

[Hidden]

Oh my, what an incredible post - I am so sorry I missed this, will PM you straight away to catch up!!

[Tara2016]

Wonderful post! Always refreshing to have a plan! Amazed to hear that you can get PGD NHS funded, how did you manage that? Wishing you all the best with your upcoming journey, hopefully you will have your family soon xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Tara2016]

Everyone is entitled to three cycles of PGD funded if they have an inherited disorder though the age limits vary in different areas of the UK.