It’s the end of the road

[hifer]

Day 9 of fifth and last transfer. Another BFN. I know it’s the end of the road. This is the terrible time of limbo. I know it’s over but I have to carry on all the meds (of which there are many) until at least tomorrow, possibly Monday/ Tuesday. The limbo makes me feel devastated, crying all the time and very emotional. I know when I stop the drugs I will be able to see the light and the positives and the fog will lift almost immediately. These drugs are powerful!

In the meantime, I am immensely grateful for the miracle that is our daughter (from 3rd transfer). We are so lucky to have her and I know many are trying for their first. Our consultant did wisely say “don’t spend so much time trying for your second that you don’t enjoy your first”. Soooo, after six years, we are done. 🙂

[londonrc]

hi there,

I’m so sorry to hear this last transfer didn’t give you the result you hoped for.

I struggled for many years trying for my second ( my first came naturally) and did feel guilty as I already had one but in my heart I just couldn’t get rid of the pain - we went down the DE route after trying OE and naturally for manny years -and were successful first time. Only wish I had done it a lot sooner …

We all have to go through our own journeys- we are all different.

Cherish your little miracle and I hope the pain will decrease in time for you.

wishing you and your family all the best.

[hifer in reply to londonrc]

Ahhh thank you. So pleased it all worked out well for you. As you say, we all have to do what’s best. I just can’t take anymore. Whilst we have discussed DE I can’t carry on with anymore IVF. At the moment I just feel broken after such a long and harrowing journey. We certainly do cherish our little miracle who is simply the best thing that’s ever happened to us. Very lucky xx

[Hidden]

Oh lovely, I know how longed for this second child was for you, and can appreciate your devastation... just the injustice and the fact that it worked for your first so why not for your second.

Sending you so much love and huge hugs at this really difficult time. Take some time to start getting your head round this, life has dealt you a difficult hand but you will be ok eventually xx

[hifer in reply to Hidden]

Yep IVF is just crazy in that way isn’t it??! Thankfully I’ve been doing this long enough to know to expect the unexpected so it doesn’t surprise me too much that the protocol that’s worked once, won’t work again!! Flippin’ frustrating though!

Thanks for the lovely message. We’ll be fine with a bit of time 🙂xx

[Kitkat10]

I’m so sorry, I’m in the same position. Little boy from 3rd transfer and yesterday I got a 8dp5dt BFN after transfer number 5. All my friends tell me he’ll be fine as an only child but it still makes me sad. But I know how hard it was trying for him so I also feel immensely blessed.

The medication is cruel, I have had morning queasiness which I really hoped was the same morning sickness I had throughout pregnancy, but no, just the medication. You are right, we are lucky to have those 3rd transfer little miracles and it does ease the sadness, so for today I just look at him and feel very lucky and try and move forward wherever that is x

[hifer in reply to Kitkat10]

Yep I feel exactly the same as you on so many fronts!! So sorry for your BFN too. Time, as they say, is a great healer. The most annoying and accurate saying!

Will you be trying again do you think? Or not even thinking about that right now?

Sending loads of love to you xx

[Kitkat10 in reply to hifer]

I’ve got one more embryo in the freezer but not holding out too much hope as I’m 42 now so the embryo quality won’t be great. but at my age I was shocked that I even had any to freeze. Not sure what I’ll do after that though so I’m not thinking about it 😂 at least I can drink unlimited coffee again x

[hifer in reply to Kitkat10]

No I really had to take one step at a time too. I decided just before our last transfer that it was our last so I could get it straight in my head. We have one embryo left but it’s a 4DD so not transferring.

Really thinking of you and sending love. Know that I’m feeling the same way as you right now. Xx

[lianm8]

I’m so sorry to hear you have had a negative result. Thinking of you and hope you have lots of support around you x

[hifer in reply to lianm8]

Thanks so much. My husband has been great x

[MissSaoPaulo]

We were in the same boat a little over a year ago. There's a certain amount of relief and peace in being off the rollercoaster, even if it's not the outcome you wanted. So it's time for you and your little family to walk off into the sunset and enjoy your life, with no more injections, no more pessaries, no more 2ww... all the best xxx

[hifer in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Yes exactly! Everything that you’ve said. I will be very relieved next week and I almost can’t wait for the feeling. Thank you, you know exactly what I’m going through xx

[KediT]

So sorry it didn’t work…. Sending you lots of love & light!

[hifer in reply to KediT]

thanks my lovely x

[Millbanks]

💖💖💖 so much love to you xx

[hifer in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you my lovely x

[PenguinBlue]

aww hifer I am so sorry to hear - I know how devastating the BFNs are. Hope that once you’re off the meds, things feel better. But also okay to feel sad to be at the end of your journey. Like you say - enjoy these precious moments with your first - they do go so so quickly too. Xxx

[hifer in reply to PenguinBlue]

Thank you. They do indeed. The BFN’s are such a void! Will look forward to moving onwards x

[lmno]

sending you love and strength today ❤️

[hifer in reply to lmno]

Thank you x