After 5 failed donor egg transfers it's the end of the road

[Mellia]

Hi everyone,I wanted to wish all of you amazing strong ladies the best in your IVF journeys! I know it takes so much strength to get through this. Sadly it was not meant to be for me and I'm at the end of my journey.

I had three pgt tested donor eggs (all 6 day embryos but supposedly 50-65% chance per transfer fail with one early loss and two negative pregnancy tests. Then my doctor said it was "just bad luck" and we "needed better quality embryos." She said a fresh egg donor would give us more chances so we chose a proven donor with children of her own. That cycle seemed promising as she had 28 eggs , of which ,27 were mature and all were fertilized. Somehow we went from 25 fertilized normally on day 2 to only 2 blastocysts on day 7. I don't know why the lab didn't freeze any of them instead of letting most of them die in the lab. The best 5 day 3AA was transfered this past November after an ERA was done and with autoimmune protocol. I supposedly had a 70% chance of success but that was a negative. Now I had my last 6 day 3BA blast transfered with the best lining I ever had at 8.7 mm triple 10 days ago and that was another negative. I'm heartbroken and angry because it seems that all these clinics do is take your money with false promises of success. I don't know why they didn't freeze any of the embryos earlier from our fresh cycle. I don't know what the future holds - I know miracles happen but it's the end of IVF for our family. Today everything just hurts too much and I just need to work on acceptance and being grateful for what I do have. Thank you all for being so kind and supportive during my IVF journey. Wishing all of you success.

[Millbanks]

I'm so sorry to hear this sweetheart. It is an absolutely brutal thing to go through.

You've been through so much and it is a very brave thing to do, and call it a day. The hardest decision ever but seems like the right one for you right now.

You never know what will happen in the future or how your family will come in to being. There are so many ways to complete a family ❤️

I hope you have lots of support and are being kind to yourself.

Sending a massive hug xxx

[Mellia in reply to Millbanks]

Thanks for your support and kind words.

[Always_hope_andpray]

I'm so sorry about all those failed cycles, life is just so unfair at times. It's even more difficult to digest when you've been told that you have a very high chance and a good lining. Ivf perpetuates hope and then it all comes crashing down and that really hurts. I think you're so brave to go through everything you have been through. Wishing you all the best for the future and praying for a miracle for us ladies on this TTC journey together!

[Fruits]

I’m so sorry it’s such a difficult and expensive journey. I can feel your pain through the message . I don’t know if you want to hear this but I’ll put it here in case. It took us 7 de/os transfers to get success. It turns out we had a rare sperm issue which was only established by a karyotype test. We wasted several years so many pounds and so much heartache only to find a simple test solved the issue. We had full NGS testing which tests every chromosome and had two healthy day 5. It sounds like you’ve made your mind up but just wanted to share in case. Biggest of hugs x

[Nakijo]

Hi Mellia, I am so sorry for the unfortunate experiences you gone through. Have you asked your doctor to do other tests on you to check thyroid and other tests on your body to see if it might be the cause of the problem and not the donor eggs?

Don't give up yet. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

[Mikki100]

I am so sorry this was the outcome of your ivf journey. I wish you all the best for your future. We are completely reliant on specialist and the decisions they make on our protocols. I just had my 5th failed cycle. We'll put the last two embryos in which will be our last attempt. I'm sure choosing to stop wasn't an easy decision, but it a brave one. Take care of yourself x

[Starbslover]

I’m normally more of a reader than a commenter, having only recently signed up, as I try to find ways to cope with the fact that we too are at the end of our IVF journey. We had 4 failed cycles, including a chemical pregnancy and I’m finding it a struggle to deal with all the mixed emotions that I’m getting hit with on a daily basis.

We had so much hope each time and were always told our embryos were good quality, my lining was fab, it all looked good…hope then devastation. We had every test going, they all came back fine. So while I won’t say I understand, as nothing annoys me more than hearing that, your post really resonates with me and I’m sorry that you find yourself at the end of IVF too. Xx

[Mellia in reply to Starbslover]

Thanks for taking the time to read my long post and reply. I'm sorry also that IVF didn't work for you either. I also had every test done for autoimmune, clotting issues, thyroid, karyotype (for my husband), etc come back normal. It is so incredibly hard to accept that this was the outcome after being told by clinic doctor that donor eggs are the answer and as you said that your lining is "perfect" only to have your hopes come crashing down with another failed cycle. If I could have afforded a surrogate,I would have done so but that's completely out of the question financially as I'm not wealthy. Wishing you the best and that you also get to the point of being at peace with the outcome. right now its all too painful but I try to remind myself I did all that I could. Hopefully you can also do the same

[Twinbelgium]

Sorry you are going through this. Have you thought about seeking or using another doctor? This seems strange- don’t forget, ivf success also depends on the type of facility you chose. Just a thought.

[Mellia in reply to Twinbelgium]

I went to one of the top clinics in the country (I'm from the U.S.) and yes I feel like I was sold the promise that donor eggs would give me success and that was a lie. I asked my doctor to review my fresh donor egg cycle because I didn't understand how 28 eggs could be fertilized but then we only had 2 blastocysts for transfer at the end. She had blamed my husband's sperm quality initially saying it was likely due to poor sperm quality - but then she told me a few days ago that it was actually poor egg quality as the eggs were too few cells at day 3 and were already compacting and arresting at day 3. If I had known that the eggs were poor quality prior to these transfers, I would have tried to find another donor. Now I spent over $60,000 for this fresh egg cycle and two transfers and having nothing to show for it. I'm angry by the false promises , heartbroken, and can't afford any more IVF.

[Babyhope8]

So sorry for you . I know DE are supposed to be ultimate solution and saddening that doesn’t work . I’m transferring my last set of euploids next month . I had four ivf cycles and 9 fets all failed at different stages . All tests came back normal , no suggestions for antibiotics or anything , going to be my last straw as well . But deep inside I feel it may not work this time as well , not sure if it’s negative thought . But 5 years 4 cycles 9 transfers gave me nothing to take home . How this is gonna be any different ? I wish to be wrong

[Mellia in reply to Babyhope8]

You have been through a lot over 5 years and to go through 9 transfers already- I'm in awe of your strength and determination. I think it's hard to find that balance between having hope and trying to accept whatever the outcome- especially when you have had several transfers fail with no explanation - at least that was my struggle during my fifth and last transfer. Even though it's hard to have hope - I do hope you can remain positive and hopeful - the fact that you have two euploid embryos to transfer means this could be the one that works for you! Also if you have any questions for your doctor before the transfer about the medication protocol or anything along the way - ask all the questions you need to ask. Sending positive thoughts and baby dust your way!

[Babyhope8 in reply to Mellia]

Thanks you . I ask questions and they did hysteroscopy did biospy nothing came up . I guess it is wat it is . I have invested too much in this process to back out at this stage . Going in with no expectations to certain extent helps with sanity . It’s not an easy journey or wish this upon anyone.