The end of the road...: Just done a... - Fertility Network UK

Fertility Network UK

37,138 members46,878 posts

The end of the road...

Just done a urine test I'm 12 days past 5 day transfer and its a negative. To say im gutted is an understatement. I honestly thought going donor would work. Took all the drugs had an endo scratch and 3 top quality blastocysts. I dont know what to say anymore. My partner isnt home yet so he will be gutted too. 3 rounds all without one bfp. This was our last round. I will need to email the Cyprus clinic to let them know. Not sure whether to stop drugs now and wait for my period. X

42 Replies

Oh no I’m devastated for you. I’m so sorry.

I’m lost for words and hope you can take some time out. Do let the clinic know and get there advice. I’m here if you need to talk xxxx

in reply to Missy_22

Thanks Missy. Obviously some things are not meant to be. Im not paying for anymore rounds now. We will just move on as we are Xxx

Missy_22 profile image
Missy_22 in reply to

I understand. Did you have any to freeze ? Hope you have lots of support around you x

in reply to Missy_22

No they didnt freeze any but i wouldnt have gone back anyway even if they did freeze some xx

Missy_22 profile image
Missy_22 in reply to

Oh ok I’m sorry to hear that. sadly we have to go back in January! I can’t give up just yet x

in reply to Missy_22

Good luck for January xx

So sorry to hear that, sending lots of hugs x

Im so sorry one2one. Are you sure its over? What if its a false negative...i dont know.... i so wanted it to be a positive for you. I have no words to console you. Just that im thinking of you both. It must be awful having to break this news to OH.

Its a shame you didnt have one of those packages where u get a full/partial refund if things didnt work out.

Please consider taking up counselling and talk to each other about your feelings. Are you open to exploring other options? Im sure whatever you both decide going forwards will be the right decision for you guys. Be kind to yourself. I wish you nothing but happiness. Sending you lots of hugs and love xx

I’m so sorry. Xx

So sorry to read this. Just wanted to send a huge hug xx

I'm very sorry to hear this xxx

I’m so sorry to hear this- sending you a big hug. X

Sorry to read this hunny, sending you much love x x

So sorry to hear this. I was really hoping it would work for you x

I’m so sorry to hear this. Just so devastating to get to that point. Sending you love 💛 at this difficult time x

Really sorry to read this, sending hugs💜xx

I am so sorry sweets. Take good care of yourself xx

I’m gutted for you as I know the feeling too well. Take care of yourself and your partner xxxxxx

X

Oh that is horrible for you. I am so sorry to see this. Hopfully the clinic will be able to give you some feedback. Sending you big hugs xx

So sorry to hear this, it really is heartbreaking.. sending hugs xxx

So sorry to read this. Hope you and your partner can seek comfort in one another x

Oh dear I’m so shattered for u .

I’ve absolutely no words . But yes do let ur clinic know and see what they suggest . Xx

Theyve told me to carry on with the meds and i still need to do a blood pregnancy test to be sure. Dont see the point though. X

Im so sorry to hear this, so gutted for you. I guess they just need to check to be sure before you stop all of the drugs. Massive hugs.xx

So sorry to hear this ... sending big hugs Xx

I have no words I’m just so so sorry to hear this. Truly devastated for you. xoxo

So very sorry, love and hugs for you xx

Hi. Don’t loose your hope and faith. It means that Timing God is not now. Just simply get rid of stress and pray to him with all your hearth and he will make your wish come true. In Greece there are many monastiries where you can visit them and pray to Saints to help giving you a child. Wish you all the best and I am sure you will be a mother soon if you don’t loose faith. 🤗🤗

in reply to cardif

Not to want to question someone’s faith but really don’t think that is a particularly helpful response. Conception is a physical action & one weak link will throw the whole thing out- it’s science nothing to do with god. These women aren’t suffering because god doesn’t feel they are deserving to be be mothers or making them wait till time is right - they I can tell you would be amazing mums. And some of us need medical assistance to conceive. Praying won’t solve fertility issues. Using religion in response to infertility is purely ignorance & hurtful.

cardif profile image
cardif in reply to

I do believe that no matter what fertility treatment you are going to do, only God can make it work and help being successful. Otherwise every single fertility treatment should work if we would have the power to make children by ourselves and ignore God in this equation.

in reply to cardif

I will politely agree to disagree with you...

Coracle profile image
Coracle in reply to

Hi jess1981. I can very much understand how the comment made could upset you. Please see my reply below. I also am not at all trying to evangelise! My faith in God is up and down! But just thought you might like to see my reply x

in reply to Coracle

Thank you.It’s not dissing someone’s faith, sometimes medical science is needed to assist conception. Conception is science & is a miracle of life. How it all comes together is nothing short of a miracle. I do believe in souls coming in & choosing to come.

It didn’t upset me I was defending the original poster as it can’t be an easy decision to cease treatment & the comment didn’t seem appropriate given the context. I’m lucky not have had to made that awful decision- I’m coming up 11 weeks pregnant following a few surgeries to treat endometriosis. Without the surgeries I wouldn’t be having a baby. xoxo

Coracle profile image
Coracle in reply to cardif

I am a Christian. But Cardif, I have to say with jess1981 that I don't think this is helpful and can make people feel that it is 'their fault'.. they should 'pray more' or 'have more faith'. Not everyone that prays has their prayers answered, not even if huge numbers of others pray for them, or famous 'healers' or they go through all sorts of rituals. Christians die of cancer and all illnesses. They have car and plane accidents when they pray for safety. They pray and yet don't have a baby. Sadly this happens. I have faith that God sometimes chooses to get involved and work a miracle. However, in the main, things just happen.. or don't happen.. but I personally have faith God is in it with us... and God in the person of our friends and family giving us love.

sarahharas profile image
sarahharas in reply to Coracle

I cpuld not agree more. I do believe that we all need to have faith, but more in terms of hope, science, biology and our own bodies. This makes us stronger. Some people might find their own faith by praying, but no everybody. But indeed fertility/infertility is something biological and purely praying wont make people conceive because it wont heal the underlying medical condition. If praying wuould be the solution to every problem in this world, we would live in paradise.

LaurajaneF profile image
LaurajaneF in reply to Coracle

I second this, as a Christian, it deeply upsets me when I see misunderstandings about prayer and faith, and the promotion of the damaging prosperity theology, (you can claim what is rightfully yours if you have enough faith) Christians are just as flawed as other people, we aren't more deserving of wishes to be granted etc and like Coracle said we aren't set aside from suffering.

I'm sorry one2one for an upset caused by this discussion

X

cardif profile image
cardif in reply to Coracle

Well I am not intending to hurt anyone, this is just my point of view. Accept it or no. Everyone has freedoom in the way they see things in life. I was just saying not to loose faith in being a mother even though the medical treatment had failed. Why? Because I have heard many stories of womens who went through this treatment and didn’t work and then conceived naturally. Also because this treatment is not a guarantee that will turn out in a pregnancy so we need some help from above. It is not that we do not have enough faith or God doesn’t love us. He loves everyone equally, it is just giving us what he thinks is good for us or we will need to wait more time until he will make our dream come true. Saying that my point of view is that miracles can happen and only God will make the last decision. Maybe he wants children to be adopted.

So never to loose faith in miracles even though medicine fails. Medicine has limited powers, even though, we should use it, but not to giving to medicine 100% of our hope and faith. This what I was trying to say.

Coracle profile image
Coracle in reply to cardif

Hi there Cardif. I think what you say here is a much more balanced statement and I think most people wouldn't be upset by this statement and your beliefs. But your first statement said 'Just simply get rid of stress and pray to him with all your heart and he will make your wish come true.' and 'I am sure you will be a mother soon if you don’t loose faith'. Sadly, we cannot guarantee God will provide a baby, even if we believe and pray.

We don't mean to get at you, and I hope you are not too upset. But it is helpful to know that these kind of very black and white statements are upsetting to others. Especially actually to Christians! I have lost count of Christian friends who have been very upset by other Christians who say things like... 'have you prayed? God WILL heal your cancer!' or... 'you don't have enough faith. If you did, your cancer would be gone. Keep praying! Have more faith!'. Sometimes lovely Christian people have to accept they are not going to have healing this side of heaven, but they still find God in their distress.

What you have written just above however, is fine.... miracles can happen.. people can conceive after ivf naturally.. if you believe in God, we trust He is in ultimate control... also we can have the joy of adoption. I think the word here is 'can'... not 'you will'.... xx

Hi there. I am so sorry. I can feel for you so much, because hubby and I are likely in the same situation. It is Day 11 for us, and it is negative. This is our 8th embryo transfer (4 transfers with my eggs, 4 with donor) and we also feel this is the end of the road if negative. Thinking of you and your partner. This time for my hubby, it is particularly hard I think.. I had already had to deal with moving from my eggs to donor eggs.. but this is the end of the line for him for having biological children. We are thinking about adoption most likely, but need time to grieve. Sending love and blessings to you too x

I am so sorry to hear, this is so incredibly sad xx

I am so very sorry to hear this. I also thought that going down the donor route would be the answer for us too. I know how much you will have put into your treatment in so many ways. Perhaps wait until you’ve spoken with your clinic before you stop your drugs. Sending you and your partner all my love at this difficult time xx

You may also like...