Another bfn πŸ˜“ it's the end of the road for me

Morning, I did another 2 tests this morning and both bfn sadly. Soo frustrated because my test earlier in the week was bfp so was clearly not a viable pregnancy after all. This is the same scenario as last time, although last time I actually got to scan stage. I truly believed that this time was going to work so I'm gutted it hasn't. Otd is tomorrow but I can pretty much guarantee the result. I have no pregnancy symptoms, and have had slight spotting on and off all week which I know is af trying to make an appearance.

I'm so annoyed that I now have to try and put on a brave face today at work despite having a difficult meeting to attend later.

What makes life worse is that I work in an adoption team and so it's a constant reminder of my struggles. I manage day to day very well and feel in some ways it's a positive however it's days like this I want the ground to swallow me up. I'm however so committed to my job, I end up putting others before me.

Just don't know what to do with myself now.

54 Replies

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  • Oh honey I'm so sorry. Why don't you take some time off work. It would be perfectly understandable. It's so difficult to get up and get on with it anyway with what we deal with but in your type of job too...I can't imagine. You need to take time get your head around this. Please don't put pressure on yourself to go to work today xx

  • I know it's so hard but over time I've got used to juggling work with our infertility and what helps is that I have a supportive manager. My OH and I have been talking about my changing jobs for a while as we are considering signing up for the IVF refund programme and don't think it would be fair to go through multiple rounds and try and focus on the job too. I think it gets harder as we go, 2nd round was emotionally harder than the 1st so will now start considering my options xx

  • Having a supportive manager is great. Sounds like a good thought process. Look after yourself meantime hon xx

  • Thanks dear will definitely try to x

  • Oh Tara I'm so sorry. This journey is hard enough anyway without being in such an emotionally challenging job. Look after yourself. Xx

  • I know it's crazy, this weekend I'm going to do some deep thinking and enjoy some good food and Prosecco lol x

  • So sorry to hear this, look after yourself xxx

  • Thanks Button x

  • I'm sorry to hear this x

  • Thanks Lizzie x

  • I'm really sorry to hear that. It's so difficult to pick yourself up and go into work after such s difficult and emotional morning. I had to go into school and do 30 parent teacher conferences on the day I got my bfn so I know how you feel. I think I just went onto autopilot to be honest. Good luck today, I'll be thinking of you. xxx

  • That's right you do just go on auto pilot and surprisingly get through the day. Luckily my day is quite busy today so it will be over before I know it x

  • Ah I'm sorry to read this, it is so awful as you just don't know whether you are coming or going, emotionally it is torture. If you can maybe take a couple of days off, I just had a week off from work (secondary school teacher) as I just couldn't be there with my game face on after my mmc, people will understand x Look after yourself, and if you have to go to work try and take it easy xx

  • Thanks I will do my best today. I'm feeling better now that I'm up and ready. Once I get going I'm fine and I forget about me until I return home lol. It's just so hard isn't it whether you are working with children, parents or people in similar situations as there is no escape but I think it also helps me to be stronger which is a good thing, I'm able to switch off easily at work but need to get better at it at home as my poor OH doesn't hear the end of it lol. He feels the pain too but just hides it better than me bless him x

  • So sorry to hear that.. Sending loads of love 😍 xxxx

  • Thank you x

  • Im so sorry Tara, will you phone your clinic as they will agree to do your bloods just to check.

    I know how horrible this is as i experienced it myselt twice.

    Take care love and allow yourself some you time xx

  • Thank you, yeah I will call them Monday and explain the situation and take it from there x

  • Really sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself x

  • Thank you and yes I will try to x

  • Really sorry to hear this. Look after yourself. Do lots of nice things and see if you can take some time off to take it all in and work out where you go from here. Am so sorry xxxx

  • I've just had a week off lol to ensure I was stress free for implantation. Think I'm just going to have a nice weekend and gather my thoughts. Thank you for your support x

  • Fair enough. Just make sure you do what you want to do on the weekend. Very good to yourself. As my lovely friend said to me the other day ( following her second miscarriage) mother nature is a cruel mistress! Xxxx

  • this is so sad... I am really sorry that you're going through all of this. Maybe it is not the end? Maybe you still have chances, no? I mean I always thought that there's like no end to trying to get pregnant. Well, obviously you would have to stop eventually but some women tend to push it further and further.

    I would advise you to not give up but this is very important to follow what makes you feel better.

    I really hope you'll be able to find your grounds soon... although we all know and understand the impact of negatives ...


  • Thank you so much! I really wish it wasn't the end. I'm so torn! I'm going to do some deep thinking and weigh up all our options. We may consider sperm donor as we may have greater success with that but it pains me to think that my OH would not be biologically connected and I'm not sure how that would impact on us in the future. He says he okay with it but he good at putting on a brave face. It might be helpful for me to find a support group for families from donors? Xx

  • So sorry to hear this look after yourself x

  • Thank you and yes I will try my best x

  • I'm so sorry to hear this :( take care of yourself xxx

  • Thank you, will try to x

  • So sorry Hun this process really is heartbreaking xx have lots of wine that's what I did! Xx

  • Haha yes I think that sounds like a good idea x

  • I'm so sorry hun. . I think regardless of the result, your clinic needs to find out the problem of why this happening as this has happened to you before. Once they find that out, maybe they can try and work out whats going wrong. Its a bit strange especially as you had a BFP earlier in the week. Make sure you get your answers.. .keep strong, hoping for a miracle for you x

  • Thank you for your support. I think the issue is sadly my OH sperm as he has very low count and motility so there is perhaps a genetic issue with his sperm which would explain why we only had low grade embryos. We are both young and healthy so should be producing top grade but can't x

  • Hi Tara, just to let you know my husbands sperm and mobility was very low on our 1st ICSI try. Then he started on Wellmans Conception tablets and on our last go, his sperm really improved and was very good. He doesn't drink and I made him eat fairly healthily, on the last go too. I think minor adjustments to lifestyle may help. Good luck xx

  • Hiya,

    My oh has been doing the same, we've had his sperm tested a few times and only the count has increased slightly so we think there is more of an underlying issue. He is super healthy, he doesn't eat any junk food, doesn't drink or smoke and he goes gym and plays sports weekly. He is the healthiest person I know LOL so it really does puzzle us why his sperm not healthy x

  • oh I'm sorry . .. the doctor can't advise anything that could help? How can he have low sperm which he is super healthy?? Crazy

  • Sadly not, the doctor has no recommendation other than for him to continue as he is. The only other option is to explore on a deeper level his genetics, dna, sperm fragmentation etc which we may need to consider x

  • Sorry to hear this, had my fingers crossed for you. Make sure you give yourself time to recover. X

  • Aww thanks yeh I know me to lol but it's just one of those things. Feeling a bit better already as I'm almost finished with work as well x

  • Oh Tara I'm so sorry to hear this, used to work in child protection so I understand how difficult that kind of job can be. Could you at least take a little bit of time off, just to get your head together, I understand it's easier said than done though.

    Whatever you're doing today I hope it goes ok & sending hugs xxx

  • Yeah as you know it's a lot easier said than done lol. I've got through the worst part of the day so now onto a good part then I'm done for the day. Feeling a bit better already so I think I will be okay. Gonna enjoy myself this weekend and have a good think about our future etc x

  • Oh Im so sorry Tara! Its so hard to see a BFN, just heartbreaking!! Treat yourself to something nice and give yourself the time you need to recover. Sending you a massive cuddle!xx

  • Aww thank you. I will definately treat myself and take some time to reflect x

  • So sorry to hear this Tara sending you lots of love... ❀️

  • Thank you everyone for all your kind words and support. Otd is today and it's confirmed a bfn. I'm going to let the clinic know and spend some time focusing on my wedding in September and honeymoon. Once we back we will consider either doing a multi cycle refund programme or a one off donor sperm cycle.

    This group as always, has been my saviour, I will remain in touch as it's good to see how everyone getting on xxx

  • Good luck with your wedding Tara. Stay in touch x

  • So sorry I would definitely have a day off today, you deserve to give yourself a rest today, and give yourself some time, thinking of you xx

  • I am so so sorry to read this and I am sending you a huge hug. After our 2nd bfn it honestly took me a month to even feel slightly human again. In time you too will get yourself back. Take lots of care of you xxxx

  • Hi sorry for your news. It's so hard I'm also a social worker and work with teenagers who get pregnant and don't look after themselves and it's so hard to watch. I'm currently about to start cycle number three and suffered a miscarriage in January. I'm taking time off this cycle to give myself the best chance possible. I'm also on the refund scheme and this is cycle number under the scheme. Will have everthing crossed for you in the future xx

  • Hey Emsy, thanks for your message. Gosh must be incredibly hard for you also! Is this your 3rd cycle on the refund programme? What's your views on it? I'm either considering this or sperm donor x

  • In Northern Ireland you get one free go on Nhs so it's my second round with refund scheme. They only count fresh cycles as stims cycles so first round I had two embryo transferred and bfn then had one frozen embryo transferred and also had scratch and got pregnant (so cause it was frozen embryo doesn't count as a go). I paid Β£11400 and it's approx Β£1000 for drugs each time. Hope this helps but especially in our line of work so hard. Stay strong Emma xx

  • Congratulations on your pregnancy! How are things going? It's phenomenal how much they charge isn't it, such a money making business x

  • Sorry should have said it ended in miscarriage but trying to take the strength that I got pregnant. Fingers crossed for this next cycle and had another scratch on wed xx

  • So sorry to hear that but as you said it's definitely positive you got pregnant so next time there is hope for success! Hope it all goes well for you and stay strong as well x

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