I actually don’t know what to write or what I need. I’m just so low, like suicidal low. I can’t think about anything else. Staying inside and not walking out into the darkness is hard work at the moment.
I’ve lost sight of waiting for my period as were meant to be starting FET this cycle.
I need some jolt back to normality. I don’t even know if I want the FET cycle.
I don’t know what to do.
Does anyone have any experience of crisis teams? My GP has suggested this. I don’t think I want it though.
I don’t know what I want anymore.
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Phoebe345
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Hey Phoebe345, I don't have an experience with crisis teams but I just want to send a msg to tell u that u are not alone. It's so hard to pick yourself back up and go again. Would it be worth stepping away from ivf a while and regrouping? Is this an option for u? If not, remember uv come this far, you can do it. Sending positive vibes! U got this 💪
I am so sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much. Please, please know you’re not alone in this. It sounds like you need a little extra support right now and you’ve taken the brave first step to ask for help so well done. Has your GP given you the contact details of crisis support?
There’s lots of charities you can reach out to, CALM being one of them, MIND and Wish who all have support lines you can try.
Do you have someone at home with you right now?
Right now it may feel like darkness, but you are stronger than you feel right now. It’s in there, believe in that.
Don’t give up, you don’t have to go through this alone. Please reach out if you need to talk ♥️
Oh Phoebe, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I don’t have any experience of crisis teams but I wanted to reply so you didn’t feel alone whilst feeling like this. Do you have anyone at home to talk to? Is there a number you can call to talk to someone right now? I really understand what it’s like to hit a dark hole with fertility stuff. I went through depression a few years ago to do with it and I found counselling invaluable. Sending you a huge hug xxx
It’s so hard to know what to do. My GP is meant to be calling me tomorrow morning so will discuss my options with him tomorrow.
My husband is aware of how I am feeling. Sadly/ashamed my mental health has been poor in the past so we know what we’re meant to do. It’s just so hard.
You have nothing to be ashamed about. We all struggle with mental ill health at some stage or another, and especially when faced with personal challenges that can trigger depression or other mental ill health illnesses. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.
It is tough but you are tougher, believe in that. I’m pleased you’re speaking to your GP, and I hope they can point you in the right direction so you can get the support you need to start to process what you’re feeling and start to heal.
I hope you can get some rest tonight. I’ll be thinking of you 💫 xxx
Recognising your struggles is very far from something you should be ashamed of, in fact it’s sign of strength and the fact that you are a sensitive beautiful human being. We all go through darkness every now and then, sometimes it’s harder as we feel so lost...but talking with someone about it makes it better and helps us to slowly go back to be ourselves. Im sending you a massive hug and a big smile (you know when you see someone smile at you you smile back 😃)
Hi hun, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through such a difficult period of time. IVF is no joke, it’s a terribly difficult journey full of anxiety and fears that often makes us feel very lonely and if our families are unable to support us.I want to tell you that this is absolutely normal and like you, lots of other ladies, me included, have had this feelings of hopelessness and uncertainty on the future.
Talking about these feelings can help you, to ‘empty’ your mind and heart of the sadness that you’re feeling.
It’s a charity who helps people who are in need of someone to talk to. You can call them 24/7, they are not judgmental and can also offer support as in giving you advice on your next step. It’s definitely a softer approach if you don’t feel like walking into a crisis center (I work for the NHS and to be honest I don’t know what your GP means with that..)
It happens to many many people to have suicidal thoughts when going through a dark period of time in their lives, following a loss or a trauma....I did have them too when I lost our first baby. I promise you, these feelings will go and the sun will come back, you just need some support and to talk to someone.
Hi lovely. I just wanted to write to say that I've been where you are right now. I don't have experience with crisis teams in the UK, but I did call emergency services and had a psychiatrist come to my home to give me a sedative (things are a bit different in France.) I don't really have advice but just wanted to tell you that you are very normal for feeling so low, and you are not at all alone in feeling so extreme about it. Hang in there. It's a moment that will pass, even though it very much doesn't feel like it. Take a break if you need. Much love hon xoxo
Sorry you’ve struggled too. GP has given me diazepam to take but I don’t want to take anything ahead of the FET cycle. I don’t even think it’s worth doing the FET whilst I’m like this. My head is so mixed up.
I took a diazepam just prior to my embryo transfer and the doctor said that's fine. I needed it to relax my muscles. So I'm sure you'd be okay to take one a few weeks before x
I've been in a similar state more than a few times. I took diazepam to cope with anxiety in the lead up and morning of FET. It helped me so much to break in record in my head. There's no shame in it phoebe. Honestly, you're not alone ❤️
Thank you. My low point was back in September actually, and I'm doing much better now. I was on an anti-anxiety medicine for a few months. It's not easy, but doing much better. My doctor stressed that it was okay to take a benzodiazepine before FET as well. I was still on a low dose for my first transfer, which unfortunately was not successful. I managed to get off them completely before my second transfer, and am now pregnant. I did NOT think I could go through with my FET this time. I was stressed, I was still feeling low. I actually booked a hotel for three nights after the transfer so that I could just be alone in a hotel room and take it easy. Then I just acted like the whole thing wasn't happening. I was so close to cancelling my FET because I just could not take it all anymore. I am glad I didn't, because I am pregnant now, but only you can know what is right for you! This whole process will really do a number on you, so it is totally fine to wait if you need some time to be "normal." xoxo
I’m sorry - I think there’s a whole combination of stuff going on.. IVF, COVID, trying to teach whilst being bashed by the media, family members in hospital... I just don’t know where else to just ‘be heard’. All the while just being petrified that I won’t be taken seriously and not actually being sure I want help.Sorry.
And don’t underestimate all that you have going on.. anyone in your shoes would be struggling under the weight of what you’re carrying. We all have a stress bucket, and sometimes that overflows, and when that happens we need a little extra help to fix the balance of those buckets. It can take time, it’s one step at a time but you will get through it and when you do, you’ll look back at this time and say to yourself wow, look what I overcame, I’m so strong.
Your mental health is serious, it’s important and no professional would ever turn somebody away who is asking for help. Don’t be afraid of that ♥️ Xx
Im so sorry you’re going through this and feeling this way. I echo all the other lovely ladies comments here - you’re definitely not alone and there are resources that you can reach out to tonight if you need that support. I’m glad you’ve got your husbands support and don’t feel ashamed of what you’re going through - mental health is so serious and also normal.
It sounds like you’ve overcome this in the past and you have the strength to get through this. The pandemic, ivf and everything else you’re going through probably just compounds everything further but just know you have this support system as well if you need it. Sending a big hug xxx
Work and time off is like a tightrope for me. I can usually just about cope - but if I have time off I can’t cope with the lack of structure. GP thinks I’ll need time off after half term, but I tend to lose the plot more...I can’t even look at the news though and social media leaks about what may or may not happen with schools returning just sets me off.
Sorry, I’m in a real rut. I don’t mean to be so negative.x
Ah Phoebe, you’re really struggling, that’s nothing to be ashamed of at all. Why don’t you chat with the Samaritans tonight, call 116 123, then hopefully you’re GP can offer more support in the morning. Take some time to look after yourself xxxx
I'd recommend weekly therapy to support you through this. I might not have been here without the constant and regular access to talk to someone. This is one of the hardest things we'll ever experience. And on top of covid and work stress its HUGE.
Hey you! Just saw your post. I don’t post much around here, but couldn’t stop reading about the things you are going through.
I know many people have told you to be strong and that you’re not alone, but I had to also come here to try and remind you that.
I so understand how you feel. I’ve been struggling with slightly different things, but I understand the feeling very much.
I am currently starting to plan on getting pregnant, and my anxiety sometimes get in the way.
Last year, after an egg retrieval in early June, I didn’t get my period afterwards until late September. The stress seemed to have made my body simply stop working for a while. On top of that, I’ve been unemployed since the pandemic started and don’t seem to be going anywhere applying for jobs every week.
Some days are more frustrating than others. I really hope you are able to see that. See the good things you have going on for you.
The pandemic has affected us in many ways. Right now, I am on Zoloft, Alprazolam occasionally and even Ambien when I’m too anxious to fall asleep lol
I’ve been doing weekly therapy sessions with a doctor from my country (I’m brazilian, living in the US) and sometimes I just don’t even know what to tell him.
I have the same feelings that you do. Plus I feel so lonely having almost no friends here and no family, I do feel like giving up. But guess what? The next day I wake up feeling much better. It seems like a roller coaster.
There are so many beautiful stories on here, and I know you’ll be posting one of them very soon. And we’ll all be here cheering for your happiness and your victories.
I don’t know you, but please please please, REMIND YOURSELF YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Feel free to reach out to talk if you’d like.
I too could use a friend, or just someone to talk to. And I’m a great listener too 🥸
Hey hun .you are very brave This journey is very difficult. Just take time out for yourself. Hope you have some1 at home.im.in the same boat been trying over a long time .I'm 44 and no.luck 6 rounds of ivf and 5 transfers all failed.have given up i felt the same way as you .you need to be strong.sending you a hug.
I’m in exactly the same boat as you, same age, although only 4 rounds not 6. Sending you positive thoughts. I’m thinking about taking a few months out. I’m exhausted. Last 3 rounds one after the other, like you I feel close to giving up. Everything feels unfair. I’m just hoping that a few months will clear my head about the way forward.
I'm so sorry to hear you're in such a dark place Phoebe345. Sounds like you've got such a lot on your plate/on all fronts so totally understandable and nothing to be ashamed of! I just wanted to second what others have already said about the Samaritans. Both my partner and a good friend have called them when they have been in extremely dark places and said they helped them out massively. It's so hard to know what to do when you're depressed as it's hard to make decisions, but taking the first step and talking to someone understanding can only help. It's probably really cliche but when i'm a bad way emotionally I remind myself that it's always darkest before the dawn. Really wish you all the best xxx
It is just so hard and dark at times. Hugs of understanding 💐 please hold on.
Please take any help that comes . You need it. Well done for being honest with the gp.
Crisis team might be helpful to get your heart and mind through this hard hard time. These people will know how to help , they will know the good words to light your path to keep you going.
All of this is temporary . Right now you need to anchor to someone stronger than yourself so that if you fall they’ve got you!
We’ve got you here ! Please take that help. You are doing the right thing
Hi hun. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low. I really hope your GP and the crisis team are able to give you the help & support you need. As if our fertility journeys weren't difficult enough without piling all the other things on top with COVID, lockdowns and all the changes in people's work lives! It's no wonder you've reached such a low point.
Its so hard to decide what's best for you, when wanting to get on with your treatment, but not knowing if your mentally strong enough right now. I hope the help from your GP or some of the other suggested helplines can aid you in deciding.
Your not alone and we all get these feelings so please just come on here to talk if you don't feel doing anything else 💕.I've been on here posting the same thing before after losing my daughter at birth and Diane in admin kindly called me, which was a massive help. Sending love ❤️XXx
I’m so sorry you are feeling so rubbish. I’m a teacher as well so I know exactly what you are talking about. I hope your chat with your GP went well and you feel more confident about different treatment options. If you didn’t feel supported etc, speak to a different GP! It sounds like it would be worth getting signed off work, at least for a while so you can get the help and support you need without all the teaching crap too! Sending you good wishes and positive thoughts. As a friend said to me, it always feels darkest before the dawn, I hope your dawn is here. Xx
Ps I teach too. Hope you can get some fresh air away from crazy home learning life. Hold on . Better days are closer than they were this time last year . You can get through this with the right support
Yes I have had the help of a crisis team about 8 years ago. (That was my last episode of serious depression.I had recurrent depression up till then, from the age of 11, at least once every 2 years) I found the crisis team helpful, not only for me but for my family who were struggling to know how to help me and cope, and had become concerned for me.
I had CBT and my took antidepressants and my depression gradually lifted. I recommend the book CBT for Dummies and Mind Over Mood. Both books show you how your thoughts affect how you feel (your mood) and if you can recognise that you can choose what to think, i.e balanced, positive and helpful thoughts, you will feel better and have a better mood. They point out common thinking errors. I found the first book very reassuring.
I also found Mind's website to have lots of information about coping with suicidal thoughts and how depression affects you. I learned a couple of mindfulness tequniques too that gave my mind a break from constant anxiety and horrible thoughts. Look into keeping a gratitude diary.
The crisis team visited me at my home with as often as they deemed necessary. They will make a care plan with you. I found it helpful to see someone regularly and they could monitor me with clarity at a time when I felt barely human, confused, sleep deprived and anxious. PM me if you want any insight as to how the crisis team work.
Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, the illness makes you think like that. Don't suffer alone. Keep reaching out for help and talking about how you feel.
I'm living proof that you can recover and recognise the warning signs to stave off future episodes. Ive felt very stressed with IVF but know that with self care, and support I will get through it. So will you. It sounds like you have done before too. X
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