Fed up - any advice?

[Millbanks]

Hello lovelies, I’m sure you’ve all felt like this at some point but today I feel truly fed up. My cyst was still there at my second can yesterday and now have to wait another week to see if it goes on it’s own with my period. Then another 3 weeks to start buserelin again, 2 weeks for another period then 3 weeks of prep for FET. And that’s IF it’s gone. If not I have no idea... I know ivf is full of delays but I’m creeping closer to 39 and the panic is setting in. I’m also taking it out on my husband which is not great. Any advice on how to control the rising anxiety? Xxx

[Fertilityjourney]

I'm sorry to hear your treatment has been delayed. I'm 41 and had my first IVF last year but was really panicing about my age at one point and a delay in starting due to a genetic test.

But I had hypnopherapy (via Zoom!), accupuncture and reflexology which I think really helped to de-stress me before starting IVF. I really hope all the waiting will be worth it soon for you. Xx

[Millbanks in reply to Fertilityjourney]

Sorry to hear you’ve been delayed too. It’s so hard to deal with 😔

Actually hypnotherapy is a good idea. I’ve had acupuncture but I really hate it when the needles go in so I don’t find it that relaxing! Xx

[Fertilityjourney in reply to Millbanks]

Ha, I know what you mean about the needles! But I strangely got used to it... Unlike IVF injections which I delegate to my husband!!

Definitely try hypnopherapy - I was abit cynical at first but was amazed at how relaxed I felt afterwards and it's a good chance to rant about how you're feeling as well. Deep breaths and hang in there - brighter times are ahead. Xx

[PenguinBlue]

Aww Millbanks, I’m so sorry to hear this and that cyst is still there 😡 I completely get your frustration, everything is such a waiting game and I don’t think it ever gets easier.

I think the pandemic has made things much harder as there is less to do to keep yourself busy - however, it might help to make some lists of things you would like to do when things reopen (April?!) and also look at focussing on things which relax you - hot baths (as once you’re in your FET you won’t be able to), acupuncture, journalling - I found journalling really helped me when I was feeling low as it let me get my feelings onto paper and then I could close my diary and feel like I had closed the door on those feelings (at least in that point in time!)

I’m sure your hubby completely understands why you’re feeling like this and it is normal - it’s okay to be frustrated and upset over all of this - it’s truly a horrendous process to go through. Give yourself the space to feel what you’re feeling but also focus on the things you enjoy that can help in distracting you from this never ending waiting game.

I have everything crossed that your cyst will go

With your period 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽 Sending you lots of strength, love and hugs xxx

[Millbanks in reply to PenguinBlue]

Thanks lovely, this pandemic has such a lot to answer for. I also give myself unrealistic, arbitrary deadlines which really don’t help!! I love your journaling idea. A friend bought me one recently actually but I’ve not started using it yet... I will!

Yea there is definitely less to do but I’m going to make the most of the things I can 😬

I hope all is going well for you 💖 love back at ya xxx

[PenguinBlue in reply to Millbanks]

I know, it’s completely normal re the deadlines - I defo did the same and i think it’s because it helps us process this whole nightmare.

I found it weird journalling at first but stick with it even if it’s just a little sentence a day.

I’m good thank you my lovely, look forward to hearing about how you’re getting on. My inbox is open if you ever need a vent ❤️ Xxx

[Babywaiting]

I would also highly recommend acupuncture. It is brilliant for aniexty and helping prepare your uterus. I don't understand how it all works but my acupuncturist has been so calming and reassuring throughout all my ivf cycles. Xxxx

[Millbanks in reply to Babywaiting]

That’s really lovely to hear. My acupuncturist lives so far away it’s almost impossible at the moment xx

[Babywaiting in reply to Millbanks]

Could you look for someone closer for the time being. Your acupuncturist might be able to recommend someone. Or maybe try reflexology, also very relaxing X

[Millbanks in reply to Babywaiting]

Yes that’s a good plan. I’ll ask her ❤️

[hifer]

I’m so sorry lovely, it just sucks. The waiting is so so awful! I completely understand. I had to give up work because the stress was overwhelming (and the job was so stressful) and there’s been times when my husband and I have been at the brink- because of IVF. I got a yearly subscription to CALM (some people like Headspace too) and used it a lot. Lots of meditation, deep breathing and just calming the thoughts. We told a lot of our friends which really helped with not having to creep around and keep things quiet (this is not for everyone but it works for us). Ordinarily I would suggest making the most of the downtime when you’re not on drugs but this is very hard under the current circumstances. Also I got a regular counsellor which has helped me enormously. I think everyone going through IVF should have one. Feel for you lovely. I know how tough it is. Big hugs xx

[Millbanks in reply to hifer]

You poor thing. That sounds truly awful 😔 god this whole thing sucks so much. I did download the Unmind app but haven’t used it yet 🤦🏼‍♀️ I’ll give it a whirl.

To be honest you lovelies have made me feel better already. Sometimes it just really gets to you.

I do have a counsellor so I shall give her a toot too. Lots of love to you xxx

[hifer in reply to Millbanks]

Defo give the counsellor a toot xx

[Jumpppy]

Been there and totally feel you pain. Stick in there and be good to yourself (and DH)...from one oldie to another even at your age a few months won't make a difference. Good luck!

[Millbanks in reply to Jumpppy]

Haha that made me smile 😊 thanks xx

[Masief]

Hey Millbanks, I completely understand how you feel. I started IVF at 39, which also when I found out that my tubes are blocked and IVF was the only route. I was ok at first, had a failed fresh as my first transfer, then a miscarriage with the second. I felt 40 creeping in and another fresh round. I did another transfer and it failed. Now I start panicking, what if it never happens, what's wrong with me? Pandemic hit, had to pause my fresh to a FET, an amazing 5aa but it didn't take.

At this stage I am 40 and I had given up my business due to pandemic. I did the most counter intuitive thing and stopped everything. My body had had enough in the space of a year, the emotional and physical toll and the clock ticking was too much. I decided to reset my body and mind, used my time off to focus on me through journaling, meditation and relaxation. No pressure on me to do anything. We tried naturally and I started analysing my ovulation and progesterone etc to see what actually does work in my reproductive system. After building my strength up I decided I would try again. I think we even had a chemical in December. I believe all of this helped me to care for me and my relationship first, and then allow my body to be ready for the next transfer with little pressure or stress. It sounds like it's easy, it wasn't. I kept trying to revive my business and not working is not in my nature. But I think all my energy was always focussed on stress. By resetting I gave my mind and body a break. I literally just gave up and said if after all this if it's going to happen it will, and if not then I'll keep trying until I reach a block again. Weirdly the heartbreak makes you stronger and you have less expectations but keep the hope. Don't put too much pressure on yourself or your body, so easy to say I know but you want to free up that space inside to breathe freely. Sorry for the woo woo talk xxx

[qido in reply to Masief]

i’m reading all comments in here i feels abit i have friends because i’m also will hit 39 and fed up with failed cancelled numerous times then laparoscopy then failed again... i also felt like everything has stopped and that’s make me more stressed out coz none of my plan was smooth... from business/career or spiritual journey and others... focus on make family but again failures and failures is what i got...

therefore i would like thank you every one in here...

all of you give strength for me chin up and move forward xx

[Millbanks in reply to qido]

Lots of love to you xx

[Millbanks in reply to Masief]

I'm sorry to hear your struggles too. Unfortunately I had to have both of my tubes clipped so I know this is my only way to get pregnant, which really piles the pressure on. I do think taking some time out helps, and no doubt in a couple of days I'll be ok again. But am definitely going to try some of the suggestions on here - you're all so wonderful.

I hope you do manage to revive your business - Covid has really ruined a lot of people's livelihoods

I hope all is going well with you - I love the woo woo talk xx

[qido in reply to Millbanks]

millbanks hun,

my tubes also clipped so i’m totally understand your feeling trust me since last year waiting for laparoscopy etc for getting done is already drive me crazy. i feel like my journey is really steep and full of bumping road for motherhoods.

lot of hugs and love for all lady in here too xx

[Millbanks in reply to qido]

It’s so frustrating isn’t it. I feel your pain 😔 it’s a very bumpy road but we’ll get there. Xxx

[Ranchu90]

I am wondering if your clinic didn't propose you to have a cyst aspiration. I also had a cyst before my stim cycle and my doctor removed it and gave me a trigger shot Ovidrelle to make sure that my hormones are not playing any games. Just a thought. Beserelin is notorious for creating cysts 😤 stay positive and good luck 🤞❤️

[Millbanks in reply to Ranchu90]

Urgh I didn't realise that Buserelin could be the culprit - it's my least favourite of the IVF drugs! I think if it doesn't clear with my next bleed I will push for them to aspirate it - I just want it gone so I can get on with things! I would prefer to do a short FET protocol so they might suggest Fyremadel next time instead of Buserelin. Fingers crossed xx

[RhinoCat]

Sending hugs. It’s the biggest marathon ever the whole thing. Hopefully it clears away on its own so you can get on 😘

[Millbanks in reply to RhinoCat]

Thanks RhinoCat - fingers crossed! How are you getting on? Any news on your next FET? x

[RhinoCat in reply to Millbanks]

I have my consenting app on 4th March then hopefully it’ll be the cycle that comes straight after that 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

[Millbanks in reply to RhinoCat]

Great! Fingers crossed for you xx

[XxjustmexX]

Hey I know how you feel am currently waiting to see if my cyst hasn’t grown anymore, if it has then I’ll have to have my op before fet ( which will probably be a while with what’s going on) hope it’s good news on your scan 🤞🏻 xx

[Millbanks in reply to XxjustmexX]

Hi lovely, so sorry as I just saw this! Has it quietened down? I just had my scan today and mine has gone - hurrah!! xx

[XxjustmexX in reply to Millbanks]

Oh that’s amazing news!!!! So happy for you! I’ve got my scan next tue 🤞🏻 xx

[Millbanks in reply to XxjustmexX]

Thank you - so pleased! Fingers crossed for you my lovely xx

[XxjustmexX in reply to Millbanks]

Thanks u xx