Fed up and a bit down

So we've decided on going for another 2 rounds of ivf and in process of the finance plan being processed to start in the new year. I was really excited about earlier in the week. Today I just want to cry and cry.

Maybe just a bit emotional as af arrived in the early hours of the morning on a 40 day cycle and never had a cycle this long before. Instantly I think it's my body recovering from failed ivf and dont even think about getting pregnant naturally will ever work. Maybe I just had that tiny glimmer of hope that just maybe it'd happened. Maybe desperation.I just feel sad. Probaly just hormones.

I have been messaging my friend too who is around 7 months pregnant and it just feels like she's bragging about it. She keeps banging on about how it was a "miracle" and that she nearly went for ivf. Hate to say it but I feel it's a plea for attention and if she really knew the true emotion that ivf brings, she wouldn't cope with it.

I see it on facebook every time I go on there or anyone with their kids. It just hurts so much. It may just be cos of the time if the year with Christmas coming up. Just makes it all real again.

Guess I'm just ranting and in an emotional mess tonight. But at least I can rant to people who "get it". As opposed to those that want attention from it. Just feeling very anti -any one who has kids kind of evening.

13 Replies

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  • Hello. Just wanted to reach out to you. Big huge hugs. Take time to enjoy the time before you start again. Do what you both like to do together. Go have a spa day with some girls who maybe don't have kids. Or go as a couple. Have a massage etc. And it's ok to have anti kids nights. I had plenty when I was going through icsi Treatment. You have to have them to be able to cope. So don't feel bad for that. It's completly normal. We also really do understand goebir feels. Take care and lots of love. Xxx

  • You need to be able to say this and the benefit of this forum is that you can say how you feel. You are definitely not alone, we have all had times where we feel like this. Ivf is a massive roller coaster and it takes time for your body and mind to recover.

    I agree with piglet that you should try to do something nice, do something you enjoy. Also, it is kind to give yourself some time away from babies/pregnancy. I avoided baby showers etc whilst I was having a bad time.

    Take care. Wishing you well xx

  • Yes I have my friends baby shower in January 😯 I've said I will let her know on the day because I differ the way I feel so much. She is ok with that but obs would prefer it if I could go.

    Before I spoke to my councellor I'd have felt like I needed to go to please it but it would have potentially put a knife straight through my heart. Now I'm thinking of myself and I come first. It has to otherwise I can't protect myself. Just got to stop feeling like I'm letting everyone down. x x

  • I was the same before I saw my counsellor. You are not letting people down. You need to protect yourself at times and for me it did get easier to be around babies, with time. The counsellor I saw helped me reach that place, but even then I've had my bad days. It's especially hard because when we go through all of this we are grieving but it's ongoing.

    Don't be hard on yourself, you're dealing with a lot at the moment. Take care xx

  • I get it, I feel the same one of my best friends is pregnant and finds out tomorrow what the sex is, I am of course happy for her but if I have to listen to the story of how she conceived in 2 months one more time.....😁😁 x

  • Hey how are u today? Did ur friend find out? How are you feeling?

    I have a similar thing with my friend. She keeps telling everyone how she "nearly" had ivf and how it is a "miracle" baby... 😲😠

  • Hi, I am good thanks she is having a boy I am happy for her but also jealous. She has her own business and works long hours so has already stated she is unsure how a baby will fit in her life and has a nursery place booked for when he's 4 month, I know it's each to their own way and I try so hard not to judge it just feels like life can be very unfair. When's yr friend due? Xx

  • It's so easily said not to judge though isn't it but we automatically do it anyway. It always makes us feel what we would or wouldn't do if we were them.

    My friend is 7 months gone. She got her bfp the same week I failed my first ivf cycle. It sucks cos lost a support from her. She tried for 2 years and went on Clomid but wasn't eligible for ivf so had to wait and she fell. Our relationship has took a funny turn atm. I just don't speak to her much now. She says i can still soeak to her but its not the same. Guess she feels awkward around me as well.

    She has a little girl too I always said I wanted a little girl but obviously I'd be happy be either as long as they were happy and healthy.

    We'll all get there. Just trying to stay positive when I'm not. It's hard x x

  • So sorry your going through this down bit but hopefully you will come back to positivity again soon! I feel exactly the same with friends and facebook - in fact I was so down the other day seeing people complain on facebook about being pregnant that I have come off it for my own piece of mind. I still have my account to go back to one day but figured while I am going through ivf I need to be as positive as possible. The sad thing is like you say unless your km that rollercoaster you can never really explain to someone else how crazy it can be , take care and just think about yourself (easier said than done I know) xxxx

  • Hello

    I just wanted to let you know you're definitely not alone, my husband and I are due to start our first IVF cycle in the new year and before even starting the roller coaster of emotions has been overwhelming.

    I too feel sad when I see others children or pregnancy announcements on Facebook especially at this time of year I think, I hate that this is what infertility does to you, sometimes i don't recognise myself πŸ˜” I am usually quite positive and resilient but I've had times when I think why us, we're not bad people are we...

    Anyway, I hope today looks a bit better for you, if you ever want to rant or share stories I'm happy to chat.

    Take care xx

  • We've all been there with that one! I too find it hard being around a lot of children - I think that's just a natural reaction and of course Christmas is one of those times when everything seems to be aimed at children. At least you have your partner to help you through, I'm struggling a little with that one being on my own.

    Enjoy you time together x

  • Thanks for the responses ladies.

    It is really comforting to know that I'm not some evil bitter woman who just won't even acknowledge any child right now. Everyone deals with different situations in different ways and right now I just don't want to be near them.

    Older children I don't mind, it's babies or very young children and the women who moan about being pregnant or pregnancy symptoms 😠 try having ohss or the pain of infertility.

    Then theres the ones in my opinion who shouldn't be having them at all, eg, Jeremy Kyle types. It's just so bloody unfair when there are so many women out there experiencing this horrific process who would make fantastic parents and have so much to offer a child. Just so bloody unfair. Rant overπŸ˜‚

    I was kind to myself today and had my nails done and bit of retail therapy. I did have an anxiety attack today though. My head is going at 100 thoughts per second and I can't keep up with myself, let alone my poor hubby trying to.

    We've paid for our next round and just a case of waiting to be booked in. So should know when it starts again by the end of this week. I'm the kind of person that needs to have a plan and something to aim for or I just loose all motivation which is why we're getting it organised to start for the new year.

    Just hope how I'm feeling passes though. I thought I'd passed this stage and started to move on which I did as I was soo excited for christmas. Now I just don't care about it. Not really sure what's triggered it exactly, maybe a mixture of things.

    Going to see about treating myself to a nice massage before hand or an accupuncture sesh as I love it. Need to be kind to myself.sounds so easy but it's actually not is it? 😯 x x

  • Hi I have been feeling the same recently, the longer this fertility journey takes the more upset I get seeing all the baby posts on Facebook, especially with friends, family & collegues who have been trying for a lot less time than me. I too feel so bad that I can't instantly be happy for those around me, suppose I am tired of putting on a fake smile every time someone tells me their news. However when I see the BFP from ladies on this site I do feel happy for everyone as it gives me so much hope that it will happen for me. A work colleague was telling me recently how hard it was for her, she got told she would never be able to have children, took 3 years but she had her first and now pregnant with her second, another colleague had twins a year ago and she was trying for over 5 years with failed pregnancies, I feel their pain so I'm really happy for them to see that they have been able to succeed in their fertility journeys, gives me hope it will happen for me. Pampering yourself is a very good idea...as my councillor said be kind to yourself as we all have been through a lot, we are all very strong women to go through this and still keep on going. Wish you all luck whatever stage of your journey you are. Xx

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