FET- a bad start to PUPO

[IvfStruggler]

I don't have a question- I just feel I need to share my difficulties with people who may understand. Most people in my life feel I should just stop doing IVF- everything always goes wrong.

A couple of days ago I posted about getting my progesterone tested for my upcoming FET. I've had early bleeding after all my 3 transfers (fresh and frozen). My clinic is very reluctant to test so in the end I bought a home test via medichecks. It was a disaster. I had to try to fill up the small tube but my blood went everywhere except in the tube. I used all the lancets they gave me and when I run out I used my IVF needles. My fingers still hurt 😪. I filled about a quarter and just sent it off. I didn't know whether to cry or laugh- it was so ridiculous.

My consultant had said I could participate in some research so I agreed to that hoping that at least this will help the next round. He kept repeating that it wouldn't affect this round. I asked if it was really low, they would let me know and increase it. But it was a no. He said that there is just no consensus about what is a good level anyways. 😒

Then our little embryo looked terrible. My partner described it as a fly squatted on the screen. Normally they comment how good it looks- now they said some weird thing about it not fully have expanded yet or re-hydrated. I wasn't sure what they said because I could only focus on not emptying my full bladder in the consultant's face. They said it was completely fine and for us not to worry. But they generally tend to say things that are complete nonsense (for example about the progesterone) so I really don't trust them at all.

I went home and there was a dead baby bird on the pavement (surely a sign) and I tried to eat pineapple core and it was absolutely disgusting. I'm really tired of trying to be positive and there is absolutely no way that I will relax for even a minute during this TWW. I know everyone says it's all worth it in the end- but is it even when I'll never have my dream baby?

I actually feel bad for writing this massive sulk. I hope nobody minds me sharing my self-pity, it helps not feeling so alone. Sending love to everyone who going through the same struggle. ♥️♥️♥️

[Millbanks]

You poor thing. It sounds stressful but remember you have an embryo inside you so there is every chance!! I’m sure the pineapple is just an old wives tale anyway 🤣 xx

[IvfStruggler in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you so much for your reply! I really try to focus success rates- a 10% chance is a chance. It's the only thing that keeps me going. Surely it has to work at some point right? When I started eating the pineapple core I got really worried- I wondered if it really was edible. I should have gone for the McDonald's chips 😂

[Millbanks in reply to IvfStruggler]

Haha I know right! You can drive yourself mad with it all. You’ve done everything right and you’re in the best possible position so stay positive. You just never know. This might be the one xx

[Florencehill]

Just to say you are in thevright place for a moan or whatever you need to say. Were all here to listen and share. Im not superstitious so wouldn't pay attention to the dead bird - just an uncanny reflection of your frame of mind. Just keep taking your progesterone and be kind to yourself - no more yucky pineapple core! My clinic doesn't believe in progesterone testing because its so wide ranging. Hang in there and best of luck x

[IvfStruggler in reply to Florencehill]

Thank you ♥️ I'm not superstitious when I think rationally. But I'm usually very irrational and find bad signs in everything 🤦‍♀️xxx

[Ivf2020A]

You poor thing! Sending you lots of love - how much progesterone are you on ? When i rang my clinic about progesterone testing today she said i was on the maximum dose but iv heard on the forums of ppl having more so im not sure if your clinic is thinking the same?? Sending you love hun xx

[IvfStruggler in reply to Ivf2020A]

I'm on two shots of Lubion a day which is according to my clinic is more than enough. I did say that I read other women that were on the same dose and really didn't absorb it properly but I was brushed off. If I mention anything I read on the internet the consultants just roll their eyes. I'm a researcher myself and although I don't work within medical science it would be so weird if I wouldn't look up information on the most important thing in my life. If the clinic gave proper information I wouldn't have to constantly look up the stuff I'm going through. Thank you so much ♥️ sending love back xxx

[Ivf2020A in reply to IvfStruggler]

Ahh ok im not too sure on lubion im on ugesterone pessaries 200mg 3 times a day. Yes i mean theres so much you can research its only natural, its not nice being fobbed off either xxx

[Hidden]

Sounds like a horrible few days I am so sorry. The one thing I would say (that has no medical basis) is my last round everything went right after EC - we had a perfect embryo.. everything happened at the right time, round five was going to be our round and the one that worked! I even posted on here about what a great round I was having and then frantically deleted it as was worried I had tempted fate

Of course it all went wrong - I had tempted fate - 8 days post transfer I start bleeding and very much a BFN. Cried into my cereal whilst reading this forum about people getting bfps with far from perfect embryos and much worse rounds

I guess what I am saying is - don’t give up! One thing I have learnt is a bad day doesn’t mean a bad day tomorrow - often it means the opposite - maybe just maybe all this shit means this is your good news round?

Masses of luck (and hugs xx)

[IvfStruggler in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for taking time to get back to me. I really appreciate it ♥️ It sounds like you've had a really hard journey as well- I'm so sorry. IVF can be so heartbreaking. It's so hard when you get your hopes up and then it all goes terribly wrong. I'm not yet giving up but just taking it one pessimistic step at the time. Thanks again and lots of luck and hugs for you too! Xxx

[Lisichka]

Sounds really stressful!

But chin up, you have your embryo inside you now so you’re in with a legitimate chance! Try and relax (I know it’s hard), there is not much you can do over the next few days. Don’t worry about pineapple, it hasn’t been proven to help with anything. Put your feet up on the weekend, do something nice for yourself. You know, I had cycles when everything was amazing and sun was shining and it was all perfect, yet it was either a bfn or a chemical. So you just never know! Also, as a side note, dead bird means a new beginning and end of struggles so nothing negative about that sign. Chin up xxx

[IvfStruggler in reply to Lisichka]

I didn't know that about dead birds- surprising- thank you for sharing 😊 It is true. After my early MC we saw a rainbow above the hospital when we went for our FET. That cycle I started bleeding after 3 days- BFN. I did have my suspicions about the pineapple but sometimes I like doing that kind of stuff to feel like I have some sort of positive agency (even when I clearly have no control over the outcome whatsoever) I didn't realise the stuff was almost inedible 🤣 Thank you again for replying- I really appreciate it❤️

[Green-elephants]

It's all very difficult, they seem to want to keep us in the dark about the most important times in our lives.

Keep positive, be kind to your self, wishing you all the luck and sending positive vibes your way ♡ xx

[IvfStruggler in reply to Green-elephants]

I almost got the feeling like there was some deep dark secret hiding in my blood. 😂

Thank you so much for your kind message and positive vibes ❤️ xxx

[Hidden]

Nothing is worse than having a trouble with a clinic during ivf. I had my only frozen embryo transferred on 30th and our clinic didn't even show me my embryo. So I have no idea how good bad pretty or ugly it is but from my last two experience, the quality of the embryos wasn't that important as all my super good embryos didn't implant and it was even more heartbroken. It feels like I couldn't keep those amazing embryos well and lived with deep sadness and devastation for weeks.

With the blood test for progesterone, I had the same issue. Addressd my concerns many times about progesterone level check but still no blood test offered prior to all my transfers. My AF arrived on day 9 at both times.

I am on natural cycle this time so a bit different. But I am trying not to think about it. Not good for me. I'm like Que sera sera this time. Hope you feel better now. Everything is going to be fine. Sending you ❤ x

[IvfStruggler in reply to Hidden]

As soon as the embryologist asked wether we wanted to see the embryo on the screen I got the feeling something was wrong- as they always show it and the nurse had encouraged my partner to take his phone to make a picture. But I can see why she was hesitant- if it really didn't make a difference in her eyes I can see why they don't want to cause unnecessary stress. The rating before freezing was ok- 5BB- but it was all squashed after freezing. I recognise the deep sadness and still carry this with me after the previous fails. I really hope that this transfer is the one for you! A natural is so different so may work really well! I'm feeling a bit better today and trying to adopt the Que sera sera attitude 🎵 as well (although this is not easy). Thank you so much for your message! Sending you lots of ❤️ as well xxx