Hello lovely ladies.....I love this forum - I have found it so supportive love to read amazing results, and feeling like we are a band of sisters who all feel the challenge trying to conceive.
I have to say I'm at a cross roads...as with any failure I have found comes the grief then you pick yourself up like a mad woman and change bits of your journey throw yourself into lifestyle changes -take new supplements...im now on dhea and cq10. And then I have days like I have lately- why bother? Part of our issue is my partners lack of commitment to making changes. Initially he was the factor 2% motility- we just done a comet test ....waiting results...he said that he would give up the booze but he doesnt stick to it, he can easily drink in excess of the 14 units reccomended- he said he gets bored needs to drink...its no problem for me giving up alchol but this last fall out of him returning to booze has made me resentful, angry- we have two and half months to do this and I cant see what the problem is. Its got yo the point that I'm thinking not to go through with number 3 - partner won't commit to abstaining from the booze and I don't want to waste the 6k - even if I act like a mad woman will it even work? In need of some sisterly advice ❤ X
Your story sounds familiar. Im exactly in that place and need to clean up my act but i keep saying tomorrow. Might go for next round nov/dec.
I think we women will always want it a tad more than male partners? From supplements to reading up, it seems we put most of the effort. Mine wont give up on certain things as well and wont slow down with work etc. So my latest trick (learned here) is to put the supplements in smoothies or to buy the spray supplements for him (vitamin d) instead tablets, anything really to make sure he does his part. But i guess our clock is ticking harder so all the anxiety is unfortunately ours too 😅
Saying this to you as well to my self, lets do this!! All we need is one egg and one little swimmer 🙏 xx
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Thanks so much for responding- yes let's do this🙏- i know what you mean about the supplements - I do alot my DH doesn't even know about to ensure he is at least healthy. We have aggreed now as he cannot cut down, to 3 bottles of beer a week and abstaining in the run up. Like you I reckon ill aim for December. I've said to myself if it fails at least I can have wine over Christmas.😆 .of course I would love it to work. . But I've always tried to be optimistic 😕
I'm intrigued what's the spray supplements?
Never heard of them!
Partner takes impryl at mo but I hear cq10 is good to for men?
I'm on that at mo and dhea no major side affects bit of dizziness and headaches ...
God love this journey we are on
❤ X
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Hope 2021 is our year! With spray i mean depends what vitamin you need just type in amazon for example vitamin D spray. Its like a mouth spray. Still need to remind them to spray it but atleast they cant say they dont want to take supplements x
It's so infuriating. My husband had sperm results on the poor side but would he hell change one little thing in his lifestyle. Continued to smoke a bit, continued to drink and to run to burn off the beer belly (and overheat the poor little swimmers) and I had to give him his supplement every day like a child. Happily, IVF worked for us but if it hadn't I would have felt resentful too at the lack of effort and commitment, although he did really want to be a father.
I don't really know what to say because I didn't have much success at getting mine to make any changes. Maybe have a serious chat about it if the latest results are poor, and arm yourself with the literature and the facts to back up your points - maybe he will agree to cut down rather than cold turkey, or could find another way to let off steam? And stress the financial aspect of throwing money away, can't really argue with that. Best of luck honey, I hope it works out xxx
Thank you your story! I did laugh when I read it, reminded me of my partner....feels like I already have a child-😆 I am so glad it worked out for you....we have compromised since on the booze....3 bottles of beer for him a week - its clear he wont give up either - when he was trying to abstain - he was moody and we was arguing alot- I still have niggling thoughts in the back of mind , like im giving up ...why cant he🙄 i did actually send him facts research etc and he was like yes sure, will try harder....don't think it sank in though....anyway I'm trying to keep it together, waiting on the comet test result...he is already worried about it.
The joys of fertility....enjoy your time with little one! Your story has given me hope ❤ X
I used to get cross with my DH for what I perceived was a lack of commitment - we did 5 rounds of IVF and actually his best sample was for the egg collection we did just after new year after both he and I had had weeks of drinking and general gluttony. His worst sample was for the egg collection we did after lockdown after 3 months of him not drinking, eating super healthy - lots of vegan food; and general healthy lifestyle. We actually didn’t get any blastocysts from that round so thawed the 2 from the New Year collection and birth stuck and I’m pregnant with twins. 🤷♀️ So I’m a little sceptical about the who diet/no drinking advice now
Interesting as I've also read similar stories to yours....congratulations 👏😍 bet you was so relieved ....twins as well - lovely X
We have compromised now since I posted - I'm not going to try to stress it, easier said then done when I'm the one off the booze and being as healthy as I can be. Partner is taking up more exercise so guess thats something.
Waiting on comet to see how we proceed - if we fo again it will be December
Thanks for sharing your story its given me an insight....to do what feels right. Our last round was awful out of 9 fertilised none made it to day 5 and we was sort of healthier then the 1st round.
Its a numbers game I say and expensive one if that🙄😬
Sending you postive vibes for your new journey into motherhood ❤ X
Hi Jaten. Oh dear, naughty boy! Even with a good semen analysis, sperm can become affected by too much alcohol, and you don't want it to affect a developing baby. Perhaps he could start to slowly reduce the amount he drinks. Easy for me to say, but it is important for his little swimmers. Would he speak to a counsellor about it? Perhaps he GP could offer some help. Also, do check with your clinic that your new supplements are OK to take, just in case they might interact with any medication. Good luck! Diane
We have compromised since, to 3 bottles of beer a week and abstaining in the lead up depending on comet results..he did say to me the other day he's really worried about the results and worries he can't be a father. Thats why he l then pushs me away and acts up like I've already got a child!🤣 😔
I have always tried to reassure him...that we have options...its not the end....we went to a councillor at the clinic after our first fail. Partner said he went for me...he doesnt want to speak to anyone now ...the usual ....so I've suggested he speak with someone he can let off steam to thats not me....who knows how it will go now... all I can try to do is not stress it.
My supplements I have I checked with clinic..seem OK on them trying to remain postive thanks for your kind advice its appreciated ❤ X
Hi, totally get where you are coming from. My old IVF doctor flippantly said a little alcohol doesn't usually hurt sperm, and my DH held on to that for nearly a year drinking heavily... I kept picking at him and eventually sat him down. I linked him a few good quality studies that showed heavy drinking can have an affect, he claimed he drinks lightly and then we sat down and worked out how many units he is really drinking.
We eventually agreed he can have 1 or 2 a week and he's been ok with that short term (he does cheat a bit), and a few moans here and there. Also moans that he doesn't want to take his supplements (he is taking CoQ10, NAC, a multi and fish oil). I've been buying lots of healthy fruit that he likes, encouraging him to get sunlight and walk the dogs outside. But his most recent sperm analysis went from 2% morphology to 11%, and the total count quadrupled!! So he can't argue with that. I'd be firm as you can, tell him it's 2.5months and then he can drink what he likes. Maybe he could take up a new hobby if he is bored, might have to push him!!
We deal with so much, but the men sometimes struggle to admit there is a problem I think. Best of luck hun xx
Thanks for sharing your story- its not easy is it!
We have compromised since - 3 beers a week....Time will tell ah.
Would it be possible if you could DM the supplements he was taking...partners currently on impryl...hes been on it for two rounds so far....we may review it once we get the comet results.
Its great to see your partner's results for better....thats what I hope...I dont know what our options will be once the comet is in and the results are not good.
We currently run together couple of times a week...thats where the issues lie because he thinks because he has done that he can drink....I have explained its still the booze and all the hard work he puts into his runs wont count for much if he has booze after as he is not doing enough to burn it off ....I try to not be too hard on him but sometimes in infuriating especially as I'm off it - could murder a glass of wine most days 🤣🤣
Glad you've managed to find a compromise for now - hope it works out!! Sure, I'll share here since I don't take any brand names. I just buy mine from the big health food chain stores own brand usually. Husband was recommended by the doctor to take daily 600mg CoQ10, he also takes 600mg NAC (N-Acetyl Cysteine), 1200mg Fish Oil and a for men multi-vitamin. Hope that helps xx
Hi Jaten, sorry to hear your first 2 rounds were unsuccessful.
Would your man be open to having a 4 drinks a week/ 10 units limit? It could really help in the all important 3 months in the lead up to egg/sperm collection, if abstaining is such a challenge for him (pfff poor guy😳😖😊)
In seriousness the lifestyle changes can be a challenge for both of the couple and I totally understand your resentment- as if the whole journey isn't already one-sided to the women!
As such it is generally the women driving the process.
But I hope you can try to reason with him. Good luck with everything! Xx
Thanks so much ..we have compromised since to 3 beers a week...fingers crossed ah....trying not to stress it now...easier said then done...need to get back into the yoga 🤣❤ X
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