IVF or surrogacy?


I'm new here, in this community, but I'm sure you still can help me.

I’m 46 year old woman who underwent three fresh IVF cycles with OE and DE but the results are still negative. My chances are really miserable as I’ve never seen BFP. All hopes for bearing my own children are destroyed. My DH supports me and believes we will raise a wonderful kid of ours but I can’t hope it would be like that. The only thing I want is another 2WW with BFP. I can’t have more failures and I feel like I’m totally useless.

I heard it’s possible to move to surrogacy, but girls, is it alright to know that your child was born not by you? I mean, are there any differences in your own attitude towards a child? Of course, you love your child even if he is adopted but still he’s half- yours only…It sounds like a nightmare!! Maybe should I try IVF again? Maybe it’s possible to have more eggs fertilized or a frozen cycle could be of better use for me? I need your help or advice!

12 Replies

  • I am sorry to know yr story. Have you discussed with yr doc why yr cycles failed ? Have you considered additional testing, as karyotyping, vit D level or undergoing yr ivf treatment with PGS NGS to increase yr chances of ivf success? All the best x

  • Thank you, Nick.

    The first OE ivf cycle failed because of a low embryo quality. 2 next rounds were with DE. after the first failure we've made karyitype test but any genetic problems weren't found...doctors say it's all about my age. Maybe another protocol and alternative treatment iis needed. I dont know..

    Good luck to you!

  • Hi Petricker. Obviously the decision is yours and your husbands at the end of the day. You've both been through so much, but I wonder if you maybe tried just one more time yourself with a different protocol?? Hopefully it would work, but if not it just may clear the way to look towards surrogacy or adoption. If it did come to this, you would receive implications counselling, which would help to clear up all the doubts you have around not having your own genetic child. I do have a couple of lists of questions (too long to add here), you might like to have a look through before going back for any further consultation. There just may be one or two questions you hadn't thought of asking. My emails are all confidential. Meanwhile, I do wish you both huge success with whatever decision you come to. Diane. support@fertilitynetworkuk.org

  • Thanks a lot Diane!

    We've been searching information about how people cope with such problems and the number of my failed cycles proved to be not critical. So we decided to try again. We were advised to consider choosing a donor with high rate of success. Now we want to go abroad again, but this time it would be Eastern Europe, Ukraine or Russia. Clinics there provide guarantees and it's not as expensive as it was last time. Thus it is convinient to try another cycle. Hope it will work!

    When I am ready to visit a doctor, I will write you to ask about those details. Thank you again.

    Good luck!

  • Hi Petricker. Just let me know and i will send them to you. I do have many happy ladies who have been abroad for egg donation, with many successes, so hope all works for you this time too. Diane

  • Well I think you need to have a talk with your doctor about that, if your state suits for IVF, go for it, if not, get a document from him that you are not able to have kids and go for surrogacy. I know for sure that biotexcom does both for pretty reasonable price. Surrogacy is more expensive though, but nevertheless whatever it takes to have a child. Baby dust to you and best wishes! xx

  • Thank you for your reply, fightgirl.

    I found out that in biotex there is a package which contains few ivf de attempts and in case of negative results they can give you an opportunity to move to surrogacy...and your money spent on ivf attempts will become first 2 payments for surrogacy. I think it's a perfect program for me cause I don't lose anything. Wish you all the best!

  • hi Petricker, I'm not a big expert in egg donation, but as to surrogacy - I know a bit as we're getting surrogacy treatment just now. we received beta test on Monday and it is positive!!! My joy and excitement knows no limits!!! Many ladies here say that Ukrainian biotexcom show good result (that was actually one of the reasons why we chose them) but I didn't even expected for success from the very first attempt! let me send my fertility dust on you xx

  • Hello Rasteny, congrats!! That's amazing, right? to know that a new life will appear because of you...I believe that it's true, at least I want to believe, I don't want to hesitate well, i'm trying to stay confident and positive. thank you for your great news, which help me to stay calm. Anyway, if my ivf's would fail I could start surrogacy, hoping to have a result like yours.

    Thank you for sharing x

  • Hello dear! First of all I need to tell that your attitude and feelings toward your baby won't be different. It'll still be your baby! I was born without an uterus. There is no chance for me to get pregnant and feel my baby pushing into my stomach. Still I'm grateful there are places and people who can help us with our problem. Our daughter Kristine was born in May last year. We love her so much! I didn't carry her but this fact changes nothing.

    We used the clinic, which is called BioTexCom. I should say that neither our program coordinator, nor our doctor made us to wait for too long. When we contacted the clinic for the first time, response was fast, answers to our questions were clear and we got all info we needed. In 2,5 months after our first visit our program coordinator contacted us and told us that they found surrogate mother for us. The service was on a good level. Speaking about price the clinic has packages. You can choose the one which suits you the most. We chose vip for 49 900 euros.

    I wish you all the best with any decision you will take! I hope you will update us with good news soon)

  • Thank you Taylor! Sorry for your MRKH, if I'm not mistaken..i can't imagine how you feel . it's wonderful you didn't give up and achieved your goal, I'm really happy about it. I talked with women who went through surrogacy and they told me the same, they don't feel like their babies are strangers, you're right.

    I also chose this clinic!! :-) but I decided to try one or two more ivf's and only then if no result I'll move to surrogacy. The have great package whic allows not to lose money in case of failures and provides shift to surrogacy. I signed a contract month ago and now waiting...as far as i know, mid of Jan could be a time for ET, if I'm lucky enough haha.

    What are your impressions of the clinic?

  • Thank you for support! I hope there will be result from the first try! I wish you good luck! I'm pretty satisfied with the clinic and with the result. As we chose vip package our stay in Ukraine was super comfortable. I definitely can't tell there were some terrifying falls or inconveniences. Nothing we noticed so nothing significant. We were constantly receiving info about our sm from our manager. We were told that sm will be chosen very carefully. Also we liked the fact that every single condition was mentioned in the contract. Wish you all the best xx

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