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Fertility Network UK
13,905 members • 22,868 posts

IVF or surrogacy?

Hello!

I'm new here, in this community, but I'm sure you still can help me.

I’m 46 year old woman who underwent three fresh IVF cycles with OE and DE but the results are still negative. My chances are really miserable as I’ve never seen BFP. All hopes for bearing my own children are destroyed. My DH supports me and believes we will raise a wonderful kid of ours but I can’t hope it would be like that. The only thing I want is another 2WW with BFP. I can’t have more failures and I feel like I’m totally useless.

I heard it’s possible to move to surrogacy, but girls, is it alright to know that your child was born not by you? I mean, are there any differences in your own attitude towards a child? Of course, you love your child even if he is adopted but still he’s half- yours only…It sounds like a nightmare!! Maybe should I try IVF again? Maybe it’s possible to have more eggs fertilized or a frozen cycle could be of better use for me? I need your help or advice!

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12 Replies
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I am sorry to know yr story. Have you discussed with yr doc why yr cycles failed ? Have you considered additional testing, as karyotyping, vit D level or undergoing yr ivf treatment with PGS NGS to increase yr chances of ivf success? All the best x

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Thank you, Nick.

The first OE ivf cycle failed because of a low embryo quality. 2 next rounds were with DE. after the first failure we've made karyitype test but any genetic problems weren't found...doctors say it's all about my age. Maybe another protocol and alternative treatment iis needed. I dont know..

Good luck to you!

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Hi Petricker. Obviously the decision is yours and your husbands at the end of the day. You've both been through so much, but I wonder if you maybe tried just one more time yourself with a different protocol?? Hopefully it would work, but if not it just may clear the way to look towards surrogacy or adoption. If it did come to this, you would receive implications counselling, which would help to clear up all the doubts you have around not having your own genetic child. I do have a couple of lists of questions (too long to add here), you might like to have a look through before going back for any further consultation. There just may be one or two questions you hadn't thought of asking. My emails are all confidential. Meanwhile, I do wish you both huge success with whatever decision you come to. Diane. support@fertilitynetworkuk.org

Reply

Thanks a lot Diane!

We've been searching information about how people cope with such problems and the number of my failed cycles proved to be not critical. So we decided to try again. We were advised to consider choosing a donor with high rate of success. Now we want to go abroad again, but this time it would be Eastern Europe, Ukraine or Russia. Clinics there provide guarantees and it's not as expensive as it was last time. Thus it is convinient to try another cycle. Hope it will work!

When I am ready to visit a doctor, I will write you to ask about those details. Thank you again.

Good luck!

Reply

Hi Petricker. Just let me know and i will send them to you. I do have many happy ladies who have been abroad for egg donation, with many successes, so hope all works for you this time too. Diane

Reply

Thank you for your reply, fightgirl.

I found out that there is a package which contains few ivf de attempts and in case of negative results they can give you an opportunity to move to surrogacy...and your money spent on ivf attempts will become first 2 payments for surrogacy. I think it's a perfect program for me cause I don't lose anything. Wish you all the best!

Reply

Hello Rasteny, congrats!! That's amazing, right? to know that a new life will appear because of you...I believe that it's true, at least I want to believe, I don't want to hesitate well, i'm trying to stay confident and positive. thank you for your great news, which help me to stay calm. Anyway, if my ivf's would fail I could start surrogacy, hoping to have a result like yours.

Thank you for sharing x

Reply

Thank you Taylor! Sorry for your MRKH, if I'm not mistaken..i can't imagine how you feel . it's wonderful you didn't give up and achieved your goal, I'm really happy about it. I talked with women who went through surrogacy and they told me the same, they don't feel like their babies are strangers, you're right.

I also chose this clinic!! :-) but I decided to try one or two more ivf's and only then if no result I'll move to surrogacy. The have great package whic allows not to lose money in case of failures and provides shift to surrogacy. I signed a contract month ago and now waiting...as far as i know, mid of Jan could be a time for ET, if I'm lucky enough haha.

What are your impressions of the clinic?

Reply

Hi Anna. Thanks for replying but I've posted the thread almost 2 years ago so many things have changed. I had 2 more cycles, one resulted in miscarriage ans the last one just failed. Only then I considered surrogacy for real. It was a tough time as I didn't think it would be that crazy, I wasn't ready. If not my hubby, I would give up for sure. We got good news about our first surrogate's pregnancy and apparently were over the moon. We got the first scan and we the happiest couple ever.

Soon she lost our baby.

We were waiting for more than 4 months to be matched with new surrogate. She is now pregnant but I still keep everything crossed

Reply

Hey! Hope so you are doing good. I just read your post. I felt very sad to know about your miscarriage. But don't worry it is the part of life. I think if you want to have IVF again then, first of all, you should go for a complete medical checkup to know the cause of previous miscarriages. After that, Doctors would suggest you what should you choose. I think surrogacy would be best for you. In this process, you don't have to carry baby in your womb. That's why you should choose it. You should also consult with your doctor about it. That's my opinion.

Wish you best of luck

Reply

I really think about these questions as well. However, I see things differently now. I believe a child is brought up on the basis of love and affection. The child initially doesn't even know that you are not his/her child. It is only after you tell them yourself that they realize. Surrogacy isn't how you're seeing it. I have been researching a lot about it lately. I find it to so interesting that I can't stop learning more about it. The only difference between surrogacy and IVF is that the child is grown in the different uteruses. Your egg would be used in both the cases, therefore, the child would be fully yours. Obviously with surrogacy you just won't get to go through the entire pregnancy procedure. Other than that I see no difference. However, the end decision should be yours! If you are comfortable with opting for surrogacy then go forward it. Sending baby dust your way.

Reply

Hey! Hope so you will be fine. I just read your post. I really felt so sad to know about your condition. I can understand the struggle a woman have to do while dealing with such issues. But don't lose hope it may the part of life. As you know surrogacy is the best option. But the question you asked is the question of every people want to go through it. Let me clear, in surrogacy, the child will be biologically yours. The actions will be familiar with intended parents. What should you want? Surrogacy is also a contract based method. So I think you don't need to be worried about it. Everything will be fine with the passage of time. Just be positive and hopeful

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