Scared that another hold up is on the horizon.

[GiantPanda]

I hope you are all able to enjoy the sunny weather while we still have it. I've been very up and down lately, but feeling scared today as I'm having a hysteroscopy and biopsy this afternoon.

My first IVF cycle 3 years ago left me with a uterine polyp. After much inaction by consultants I arranged referral myself through my GP and the polyp was removed and biospsied. At the same time I was coming to terms with DE being our only option, but felt positive enough to start things off with a Spanish clinic. Then my biopsy revealed abnormal cells and the need for treatment: 6 months mirena coil, biopsy, 6 months without coil, biopsy- before I could start DE treatment. Age almost 43. I was devastated. I managed to negotiate with the gynae that I could do 6 months, and if that biopsy was clear I could go ahead with DE and in the event of a successful pregnancy could have a final biopsy after delivery.

Fast forward, my post-treatment biopsy was clear, and I'm sitting in a departure lounge, ready to fly to Spain for a scan prior to transfer. Spain locked down, I went home, and we all know the story from there...

Now I've been called back for that 2nd biopsy and I just feel like they'll find more abnormal cells and I'll be set back again. With all of the delays I've had, I've lost some of the positivity I'd felt about DE, and aside from dreading the pain of the hysteroscopy/biopsy, I feel like the universe is continuing to conspire against me. I know I shouldn't catastrophise, but throughout this whole TTC experience, absolutely nothing has gone right, not one single thing. If anyone can send me a virtual hug for this afternoon, I'd really appreciate it! Xxx

[Pinksunshine39]

What a lot you have been through and what strength you have to get where you are today x sending you the biggest hug 🤗 xx

[GiantPanda in reply to Pinksunshine39]

Thank you for your kind words, and that hug!

[Hidden]

Sending you many many hugs. You are sooo strong after what you went trough. Poor poor thing you must have lived in pure agony. I pray that your results are clear and you can be off to spain soon (someone posted the otherday that it is possible to travel to spain again. All the best of luck and keep us updated. Keep your head up high ivf sister ❤️

[GiantPanda in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much! I think sometimes you just get used to everything being rubbish that it becomes the norm, then when you see people saying you've been through a lot, you think - hell yeah, I have! I've been following the Spain posts, so hoping I'll be able to get there soon... xx

[BettyBe]

Sorry you’ve gone through so much and such a hard journey of being so close. Hopefully you can start again summer? Don’t give up! You never know how close you are and 43 is not too old (I am 43 so probably biased 😂) Sending you a virtual hug 🌺✨ xx

[GiantPanda in reply to BettyBe]

Thank you! I will take your point that 43 isn't that old, and perhaps I'll feel better about it when I can finally get my roots done properly 😊. Xx

[Lots8788]

Massive hugs to you and all the best for next steps x x you've got this 💪

[GiantPanda in reply to Lots8788]

Thank you! I'm feeling the hugs. Xx

[londonrc]

Sending you a big hug! I know it’s soo hard during this time - the waiting etc - I just wanted to send you some positivity too - I’m 46yrs old and DE worked first time! I certainly wasn’t expecting that at all and I was stressed and not as fit as I had been in the past! So there is a light at the end of the tunnel - hang in there and your dream will come true! Xx

[GiantPanda in reply to londonrc]

Thank you and congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope we will be as lucky when we finally get to try. Xx

[Lou7744]

Aww... hope everything goes well this afternoon. Got to put your positive pants on and keep persevering! Sending big hugs 💕💕 xx

[GiantPanda in reply to Lou7744]

Thank you. You've made me think about a pair of Wonder Woman pants I have, and perhaps should wear those for the appointment. Xx

[Millbanks]

Sending big hugs!! My friend had twins at 44 with DE xx

[GiantPanda in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you! Your friend must have been over the moon : ).

[Millbanks in reply to GiantPanda]

She was indeed! She was completely over it (having done 3 rounds) and her husband persuaded her to try once more and it worked!! You just never know xx

[GiantPanda in reply to Millbanks]

I love to hear positive stories - so important. X

[Cinderella5]

Awww lovely, I hope all goes ok with your hysteroscopy. Sending lots of hugs my brave warrior!!xx

[GiantPanda in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you Cinders! I lived to tell the tale. They only ended up doing the biopsy, but had to go in 3 times 😭. Results in 3-4 weeks.

[Cinderella5 in reply to GiantPanda]

Omg, 3 times....you poor thing, jeezo!!😱 😱 😱 Hopefully those results are just grand and you can get a plan of action going!xxx

[GiantPanda in reply to Cinderella5]

It was nasty - not gonna lie! They seemed a bit shocked at the carry on out of me. All female so not sure why. I remember one of the nurses from when I had the Mirena inserted and found it painful. She told me it was because I hadn't had children. Cheers love! I decided not to even start unpicking that one!

[Cinderella5 in reply to GiantPanda]

Ouch, such simple words can cause so much pain and anger! I do think there is something is the fact this our cervix hasnt been stretched but yes not the smack in the face that we need when in pain and suffering from infertility! I think the nurses/Drs that do hysteros everyday get a bit blase in what could be physically painful! However, you made it....another hurdle over lovely!!xx

[Lilly12255]

Big hugs to you!! 💋 i am not expert in hysteriscopies as I haven’t done one but I am wondering if you could ask to be sedated so it’s less painful? Xx

[GiantPanda in reply to Lilly12255]

Thank you! They only did the biopsy in the end - but 3 times. It was pretty nasty. It has made me wonder about how I will tolerate embryo transfer so I will discuss options for that with my consultant - thanks for thinking of it.

[Hidden]

You have done so well! Best of luck with your next cycle! I am 42 and know how you are feeling.

[GiantPanda in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! I wish I was 42 again 😅.

[Miracle43]

Look how far you have come and what you have overcome, you are an amazingly strong lady. Sending lots of luck and positive thoughts 🥰

[GiantPanda in reply to Miracle43]

Thank you, those are kind words. X

[JoP32]

Aw, so sorry you’ve been through so much. Sending you a massive hug 🤗 and I hope all went well yesterday xxx

[GiantPanda in reply to JoP32]

Thank you. I have treated myself to a few Netflix n duvet days. X

[JoP32 in reply to GiantPanda]

Well deserved xx

[Faith212]

Sending you LOTS of hugs and good thoughts 🧡

[GiantPanda in reply to Faith212]

Thank you very much - appreciated. X

[CLDxxx]

Sending you a hug 🤗 hope it went well yesterday xxx

[GiantPanda in reply to CLDxxx]

Thank you. Still sore and tired, but glad it's over. X

[CLDxxx in reply to GiantPanda]

Rest up lovely. Well done xxx