Waiting...life on hold

[LizzieBW]

Hi Everyone,

I haven't posted many times but I have already felt a benefit from following all of your stories & learning from the amazing support that you offer each other.

My Husband & I are now 3 years, 7 months trying for a baby with zero success, I have stage 3 endometriosis and have had surgery to help improve my chances of success. We're now awaiting our IVF referral assessment and could be around 6-7 months from now. I'm sure almost every one of you will know what it feels like to put your life on hold in some way for the chance of being pregnant. I have pushed back so many things over the last few years from further postgrad study to holidays with family to considering job changes for fear of loss of sick/maternity pay etc etc. We are considering the option of a group holiday with friends and their children for next summer, which would be absolutely amazing & my Husband seems extremely excited at the idea. I'm worried that our treatment, if it goes ahead will likely be around the time we're considering booking for the hol. I know it sounds ridiculous to consider putting a great opportunity on hold for something that might not even go ahead but I hate this feeling of dread that any decision we make might affect our journey to having a baby.

Does anyone have any advice or experience of going on holiday during or right after IVF treatment? Is anyone able to offer insight into whether they were able to voluntarily postpone a treatment cycle and whether this pushed them back on a waiting list?

Sorry, I realise this has ended up a word vomit post 😂

Sending luck to everyone 🧡

[Bridget_rose]

I went on a holiday of a lifetime to NZ before we started IVF. After the first 18 months or so of trying with no success, where I nearly didn’t leave a job I hated “in case” I got pregnant, I decided to live my life and not let infertility take over. I don’t regret it for a second. I have also done an MSc in the time we’ve been on this journey and almost didn’t do that! I didn’t want to wake up 10 years from now and feel like I hadn’t lived my life and had nothing to show for it. I think most clinics will take holidays and things into account when you’re starting and work around them. I would take every opportunity you can and live your life. But many others really do focus on IVF 100% and that suits them, I’d never judge. That’s just not me. Wishing you lots and lots of luck with whatever you decide xxx

[LizzieBW in reply to Bridget_rose]

Hi there, it's amazing you've been able to adopt such a positive mindset and that you're better off in many ways because of it. I really admire that. When I'm thinking clearly I think I know it's the right thing to do to prioritise our marriage, our life together and to embrace opportunities as they come along. It's just a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions at times isn't it! I wish you lots of luck too with your IVF journey xx

[Bridget_rose in reply to LizzieBW]

I think it’s always easier when you’re in the right mindset. Hard to feel positive all the time definitely! x

[Bluelady-sing]

I know how you feel. I am trying again Dec. It's tough having plan every thing.

I can't wait to have my baby but I'm not looking forward to people coming up to me when I'm pregnant.

I know me I will be resentful of the time it took to conceive other people to take me for granted

[LizzieBW in reply to Bluelady-sing]

I'm sorry you're going through that. Great to hear that you have a next step to focus on for December! Good luck xx

[Bluelady-sing in reply to LizzieBW]

How do you mean

[Refocus]

For the first 2.5/3 years there are so many things I didn't do or put off in case I was pregnant or in case of treatment etc and with the nhs you have no idea how long the whole thing will take so if it were me I would 100% go for this holiday! Pay extra for cancellable flights if it makes you feel better. With the nhs, I found if you badgered them on the phone enough times, things happen a lot quicker. Xxx

[LizzieBW in reply to Refocus]

Thank you so much for your response. My Husband is really excited about the idea of this holiday and that's super important to me too so I think it is something we'll go ahead with. If I'm thinking super positive mindset I could end up travelling pregnant but I have to accept we can deal with the what ifs at a later date 😊 xx

[Lapinblanc88]

Book your holiday!

We had a chance to postpone by a month our treatment at the start.

However I would not advise going away during the treatment as you will have a lot of last min appointments to attend. I would block book 3 weeks

I think starting the treatment relaxed and rejuvenated from holiday is an optimum start

And You will also have a nice top up of vitamin D!

[LizzieBW in reply to Lapinblanc88]

It's entirely possible we could start treatment sooner but I'm giving lots of scope for the waiting time to be at a max. Thank you for your words of encouragement, it's great to hear you were able to choose to postpone by a month! I think we are swaying towards going for it! Xx

[2-shades-of-hope]

It’s quite easy to go on holiday during a medicated frozen transfer because there are less scans and appointments. We’ve done this a few times and your doctor can write a letter so you can take your injections in your hand luggage. You’ll be limited to Zika free destinations though. I think it would be difficult with a fresh cycle because of the amount of monitoring you need before egg collection. If you have the opportunity to go on holiday before you start treatment that would be lovely. Good luck x

[LizzieBW in reply to 2-shades-of-hope]

Oh thank you for sharing your experience about being able to travel with meds at a certain point during treatment. Yes, absolutely - it's lucky the area our friends had suggested for the holiday is Zika free now 😁 thank you and good luck to you with your journey xx

[SparkleCock]

Book the holidays - IVF can fit around the other things. I live in HK but have a sick mum in the UK and stepkids in Oz so am all over the place. So long as you get that Positive Mind Set and can find a way to be happy then the IVF will be easier. I did it the first time stressed out of my mind and it was unsurprisingly unsuccessful. Second try now and I feel so much calmer as I've got more balance. Take care xx

[LizzieBW in reply to SparkleCock]

It's great that you're feeling much more calm for your current cycle - I'm sure it's taken a lot of hard work to get there. Thanks for the reassurance about travel and essentially not putting things on hold for treatment. I think the resonating response is to go for it and treatment or pregnancy can happen around it! Good luck with your current cycle xx

[Apple87]

I think you probably need a holiday so go for it. The first couple of years of our journey we didn’t do much then we had a f**k it moment and travelled round Asia. I’ve even moved jobs a couple of times too. I couldn’t imagine putting my life completely on hold for 5.5years. Sure there is somethings we haven’t done because of it but at the same time you have to live your life. X

[LizzieBW in reply to Apple87]

Hi Apple, thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate your words of support. In hindsight I think I made it sound like we've put our life on hold for the last 4 years since beginning ttc but in that time we've both had job promotions, got married abroad with family & friends and been on a 2 week all inclusive luxurious holiday this time last year. However, having said that I've also turned opportunities down that I would probably have taken or given more thought had I not been so focused on becoming pregnant, hope this makes sense.

Your reply has really made me think about the bigger picture so huge thank you for that!! I think I had tunnel vision, focused on the beginning of treatment meaning I'd have to consider putting my life on hold until my first cycle was completed but our infertility battle could continue for years from now & you're absolutely right - not worth putting things on hold for that. I wish you lots of luck with your journey whatever stage you're at xx

[Apple87 in reply to LizzieBW]

Glad to hear you have been living life to the fullest. Infertility can feel like abit of a black cloud hanging over you and makes you 2nd guess every decision you make. It was funny reading your reply as we also got married abroad too. You might find that when you do get pregnant there will be opportunities and things you will turn down. We are really lucky I’m pregnant with twins after 2nd round of ICSI. Good luck on your journey! Xx

[LizzieBW in reply to Apple87]

Oh my gosh congratulations to you!! And twins - how lovely. Yes, that's exactly how it feels at times. Even when it's tough I still believe in that positive outcome & a lovely healthy baby...or more 🤞 wishing you a healthy pregnancy xx

[Apple87 in reply to LizzieBW]

Aw thank you. It’s exciting and scary all at the same time. Positive thinking is the best way forward when you are on the ivf rollercoaster. I have everything crossed for you 😊 xx

[crisps88]

Book it! You need time for just you two and to remember who you both are together and the love you have. Honestly we took so many holidays in between cycles and in between the 6 month mark/1 year mark etc of when we’d been trying and it totally helped us. You feel like a person, not an all consumed ivf Robot. Strongly suggest you do! Goodluck lovely xx

[LizzieBW in reply to crisps88]

Hi Crisp

Your message really hit home for me. In the past we did begin to lose focus of us and that's not something I ever want to risk again. Thank you so much for reminding me of the importance of the strength of our relationship, I needed to hear that. It's so great to hear that you've taken such a positive approach to your treatment and continued to live your life ❤

Edited - Oh my gosh I just saw your post with + HPTs - huge congrats. Wishing you well & a healthy pregnancy xx

[crisps88 in reply to LizzieBW]

We’re all in this together lovely and the support and advice is invaluable it’s the biggest and hardest emotional rollercoaster in the world and sometimes all you’ve got is you and your OH. Thanks so much!!! I tested positive again today, so roll on Wednesday when it’s official. Doesn’t feel real yet I’m so lucky. Xxx

[klgwynne86]

Hi LizzieBW

I totally get how you are feeling we are waiting for our 3rd attempt and it feel like you put everything on hold.

Our Journey started January 2018 when we got refereed to the IVF Ward, we had our first of many pre-assessment meeting and test etc about and had our first round of IVF in August that year. I was asked if we had anything planned when they looked at my cycles for potential dates.

If I can give you any advice it would be just book the holiday and work your IVF round it life is to short to stop doing things. I wish I had this mind set sooner, a month isn't going to make much of a difference in your fertility journey. You need holidays and things to keep you relax, stressed and anxiety don't help fertility.

Good luck on your Journey xxx

[LizzieBW in reply to klgwynne86]

I hope you're feeling okay waiting on your next cycle. I can only imagine the waiting must be really tough. Thank you so much for sharing your experience of referral & giving me an idea of timescales. It's really reassuring to know you had a good experience with your clinic looking at your schedule and choosing dates around it.

Thank you hugely for your advice - so many lovely women have taken the time to respond & not one has said to hold off so this gives me confidence to not second guess & just bloomin relax 🤪 good luck to you too 🍍 xx

[CAS2]

They can work around any dates you have in the diary once you have your place (so if anything clashes date-wise they might put you back to your next cycle or something). They work with you to ensure the cycle works once you have your foot in the door!

I went on holiday right before I started round 3 of IVF and on the day of my official test date. I was pregnant and was extremely bloated all holiday but it was still a very nice trip!!

[LizzieBW in reply to CAS2]

Hi CAS

That's great to hear and really reassuring, thank you. That's brilliant you were able to have a nice break and also found out you were pregnant, congrats. I saw your most recent post & so sorry that you're going through such a difficult time. I really hope you're okay and thanks so much taking time out to help me xx

[CAS2 in reply to LizzieBW]

Thanks LizzieBW. It hasn't been the most straight forward pregnancy and we sadly lost one of our twins, which has been really, really hard. So far the other one appears okay so just keeping everything crossed really. It continues to be an emotional roller coaster but we have to be glad to have gotten this far. I met a Director of Care once at the Fertility Show and he said basically relax, have a glass of wine. If you have a good lifestyle anyway there is no need to deprive yourself. I took his advice on round 3 and was more relaxed and it worked (tho I still had a fanatical vitamin regime xxx

[LizzieBW in reply to CAS2]

Oh no, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. It sounds like you're working really hard to keep a positive outlook so that's absolutely incredible considering what you're going through and I admire that a lot. Your comment about the vitamin regime made me smile 🤗

I will definitely take that advice on board when we start treatment - it's okay to have the odd glass of wine and relax 😁

Take good care & wishing you well with your pregnancy xx