Feeling emotional

[TTC0011]

Hi Everyone

I haven't posted or been on here much recently. With the shutting of the clinic for a while, I've been trying to forget it for a while.

Two main things to get off my chest as I'm feeling emotional and exhausted all in one today.

We were originally heading for ICSI (male factor for us) but as hubby had just come off some medication, our GP recommended just testing one last time before we paid for ICSI.

The testing we had prior to this was very low motility and low count but I was ovulating fine. The final batch of tests before starting ICSI, once he was off the meds were a higher count - still not the right levels but went from 2 million to 6 million and motility increased too. My tests showed I wasn't ovulating. So it kinda went opposites. Our GP recommended that she speak to fertility in Edinburgh to find out whether it was worth retesting again in a few months to see if the longer he was off the meds, the better the results would be. They never got back to her and then lockdown happened. So we're in limbo right now.

We're still in this limbo of what to do - go straight for ICSI or push for another set of results to see if the count comes up. Anyone else experienced this?

We also just found out that our GP has left our surgery - she was amazing, we'd had her throughout this whole journey - and by far the best GP either of us experienced. I feel a bit lost having to move GP and start that relationship again.

I know the treatments are done by the hospital but our GP was great in talking everything through, making choices and suggestions that were right for us and helping chase fertility when we needed it.

Am I daft for thinking or feeling that? I just felt she really "got it". Our journey has been 2 years, and we had spoken to GP's previously who spoke down to us, treated us like clinical cases with no emotion.

Anyway sorry for moaning, today just feels a bit much.

[Fingerscrossed34]

I think the way you have said you’re feeling is perfectly legitimate. Being in limbo is just horrible and losing someone whose support you really valued throughout this horrible experience is a big blow. You do have some positives in there, your husbands count coming up is great news. When we had our ICSI in Edinburgh they came and told us what my husband’s latest results were after he provided his sample more just to tell us that it would still be ICSI rather than IVF so you get results even on the day of egg collection that can make a difference to the route you choose. The risks are slightly higher with ICSI I know but I guess it’s a balance between that and your mental health waiting it out for another set of results which is something only you can decide. I guess in a way lockdown is making that choice for you as you don’t have to make any decisions till we know EFREC is back open. I hope you’re finding something to take your mind of it all today having it go round and round in your head while there’s nothing you can do about any of it is just rubbish. x

[ttcemmie]

Sorry to hear that you're having a tough day and that your GP has left your surgery. Can relate to that as we had the most amazing consultant on the NHS for our fertility struggles, and then when we moved to private it was hard losing her. I also have a special GP who understands the mental strain all of this takes, and not all of them understand that. People won't change hairdressers for years, and that is obviously nothing like the importance of fertility, so it's difficult trusting another person and building that relationship.

Like you, my husband has had mixed results on his sperm (although both times not "great" to be honest). Completely a personal decision on the ICSI (especially as it costs money as with everything on this journey), but I felt it made me feel more secure that the sperm didn't have to find the eggs themselves! But then.... you are trusting human judgement on choosing the right sperm. Too many decisions in all this....

Hating limbo too and I am feeling very overwhelmed by it all also. x

[TTC0011]

Thank you both. It’s a comfort to hear that I’m not alone in feeling limbo. Every day is a new day and I’m hoping today feels a better one than yesterday ♥️ X