Don't know how!!!!

[Cheeky_84]

I have said to my husband, while we wait on our next round of IVF, we are really going to try this oursevles,.want this so badly. We are both on pregnacare and after this period is over, I really really want to start trying. The only thing is, we both love each other so much but I sometimes find it very hard to instigate sex, how does everyone else do this without feeling everything is timed. I have explained ovulation to him but dont really think he understands it, any suggestions welcome x

[TheSeal]

Hi there, well I am not sure i have an answer for that. I mean, i tried to explain to him ovulation too and I am not entirely sure he understood. Not because he is stupid but because he is a male, they just don't get it. But if he gets it even a little, it might become natural, I mean..in the evening, set up a little atmosphere, switch off the TV, close the curtains. I tried and it works...but everyone is different, but he knows that to me is very important, like oxygen so he does his best to carry on on those few days window that i have.

[ttcemmie]

Hmmm mine is timed (ish) - like obviously there's the time when I'm on my period, and probably the week before my period when I'm just not feeling it, but I loosely know when I'm ovulating and push for more sex around that time... My husband prefers not to know when I'm ovulating but he must know something is up as I start instigating for more sex! Wine is helpful (with regards to sex or not!).... Doing something fun together is also helpful so you're both in a good mood.... x

[Hidden]

Well we’ve been ttc naturally for 3 years next month, we have conceived 5 times had a lot of heartache with Miscarriages. I tried explaining ovulation he just turned off just doesn’t get it or wants to know the in’s and outs. I just say I need you this week he’s usually up for it. I’m actually sitting here in pain ovulating.

[Florencenightingale]

Maybe dont tell him when you're ovulating and for him it might be a bit less pressure. I often found I was more up for it at the time aswell. It puts a massive strain on sex xx

[londonrc]

We went through years of this- you have to try and do it for you both just rather than trying to make a baby! Maybe watch an erotic film/ buy some sexy underwear / - after a while your libido comes back - but I agree don’t tell your hubby you are ovulating - and just try and have more sex throughout the month- just try and enjoy it likes you used to in the early days of your relationship. Hope that helps!

[Lilly12255]

I have set a routine that we must have sex every other day. As I am unsure when/whether I am ovulating (due to negative okt tests throughout the month), that is the only solution for me. It’s unglamorous. Just like doing a job every day. Not sure how long I can do this though.

[LCharlton]

I find it really difficult - we have been ttc for over 4 years now and tbh my husband has become less and less keen on sex, he finds it too much pressure and I haven't found any solution to help him get in the mood more regularly. Sometimes he's just not up for it. At one stage he said he did want to know when I was ovulating, but in the end that was just too stressful and we decided actually it was better for me not to say anything. Sorry, that's not exactly helpful, but just to say - I totally understand! And I guess the one piece of advice I would give is: if he's not keen, don't push it, because he'll just get more and more stressed about sex and in the long term it becomes a real problem.

[Run4ever]

i find it so so difficult. we have done a year so far and i’ve tried everything all the good tips but i can’t seem to get motivated and it feels too planned even though we actually don’t plan it anymore we still feel like it’s all around conception. We didn’t have a huge sex life prior to TTC which we were happy with but the pressure of this has just made us hate it! It’s such a challenge

[Rella22]

Hi,

Infertility has changed our sex life. I know this isn't advise but rather just honesty as infertility massively affects women and men; it would take effort and dedication from both parties to keep that romance upbeat.

I had sex with my husband last year, not even sure what month.

We did a few IVF sessions in a row and never got back into normality.

I've actually been reading a lot about this and how to salvage our sex life. Can't seem to bring him back.

Hopefully others provide feedback that can help us! Sending you lots of luck!

[Sunshine92]

I was going to post about sex this week too! Tbh i could take it or leave it .. leave it more often than not!

TTC for so long its become such a chore for me. Not so much my husband though, he’s like a horny teenager and could go wherever whenever but there’s something about peeing on a million sticks day in day out to check when you’re ovulating then if you got pregnant, being so intune with your body you know where its at, making sure your fertility friendly lube is set up ready to go, lying flat on our back after without going to the loo and squeezing out valuable sperm .. the list is endless! There’s something about all of that that makes it so not sexy. Hubby doesnt have to worry about any of that, he rocks up in his birthday suit ready for a good time.

To help get me in the mood .. oh god it sounds so cringey and like and awful porno 🙈 but i put on a playlist of ‘sexy music’ it just seems to relax me and set the scene, dim lights, and me making the first move. Also like others said spending time together before hand. For me there’s nothing worse than if we’ve spent the night on different sofas and the second we get into bed he expects sex - no thank you!

I’m NEVER in the mood, but once I have overcome that initial barrier i’m ok xx

[ttcemmie in reply to Sunshine92]

LIKE!

[Snowlady in reply to Sunshine92]

Totally hear you girl loud and clear. Sex is now a total chore rather than something fun and exciting. Been with hubby 12 years totally lost the bed time spark now due to ivf, plus I'm never really up for it. But like your hubby is always ready steady go..... Any time any where. Dunno how men have that capability and enjoyment out of sex. Wish us ladies could be like that! 😉

[L400ynd in reply to Snowlady]

Haha oh we are the opposite!! I’m always pawing at my husband and he’s like baby I’m tired. 😂😂. One time I said to him oh I’m ovulating (I wasn’t) then a week later after doing it again I said oh hopefully we’ve made a baby and he said I thought you were ovulating last week. I had to admit I had just wanted sex. 🙈😂. Luckily he saw the funny side. I get what you guys mean tho. For the first few years of trying it was very regimented. We’ve got to the stage tho that as much as we would love to have a baby it’s not the only reason we have sex so it’s more fun and meaningful and again. Good luck to you all on your journeys. Xxxxx

[MumofaSpaniel]

Why not try it in the morning or during the day. I’ve found I get into bed and want to sleep. We speak more and are more affectionate during the day and it would lead easier into the bedroom if you intended it to. Also matching underwear is a shock to the system so if I get the nice ones out I feel good, that helps! You don’t need to go all Ann Summers 😂

[Snowlady]

I've tried morning, day time won't work we both work full time. He is gone by 7am - bk - 7pm. I'm not up for it in the morning too bloody early lol 😂 and bedd time for me is sleep. 😴 Weekends is the only time I have patience and to be half bothered to try. Don't help when your trying though lol 😂

[L400ynd]

Hi lovely. I don’t tell my husband when I’m ovulating. I just put the moves on him. I feel like sometimes it can put too much pressure on him to perform so I just don’t mention it. I usually make us a nice dinner or get done up in some sexy underwear and send him a picture when he’s downstairs. Etc. Anything to add a bit of fun and make it less timed or regimented. Good luck sweetie. Let’s keep our fingers crossed it happens for us both during lockdown!! 😂😂 xxxx

[Maisie234]

Really liked reading other people's stories here. Good topic! We've been trying for nearly 4 years. The mention of ovulation kills sex completely. I don't say anything now and just put the moves on. There's been a few times when he hasn't responded and I go to sleep angry that my opportunity is missed. Then I think sex is all on his terms. I figured after years it probably won't work anymore but we are still trying. It's difficult not to think about it when actually DTD too! Thank goodness for IVF to rely on and take the pressure off. Good luck! X

[Luce123456]

I downloaded the app called flo. I showed my husband it and explained the days we should have sex to him and he found it easier to understand with a visual. I also told him we must have sex every other day. Sometimes he would complain and say he was tired. I used to try and mix it up a bit maybe initiate it in the morning or send him a little text in the day to get him in the mood for the night.

[BettyBe]

Maybe try to discuss it less, as it makes it less mechanical / clinical? We were told to try every 2 - 3 days (or more!) a week before ovulation right through to a week after and you should be good 😉 it’s the regularity that helps. We had that same problem of testing for ovulation, getting the timing right, laying in the best position and boy is it a giant mood killer! Neither of us wanted to touch each other. I suppose like us all we want it to feel natural, spontaneous and well, passionate. Keep trying regularly and you’ll get there 🌺 xx

[Patches86]

Not advice - but we also struggle with this! You aren’t alone. It has become a routine of sex every second day on cycle day 10-18 (decided not to use opk while we try naturally and wait out covid situation so that we don’t get hopes up on a solid smiley day). Unglamorous and becomes more awkward and rigid as time goes on. Infertility affects so many areas of your life you would never have imagined before 😢

[Afrohair]

I guess it depends on your partner mine always knows I’m up to something and he explained to me he’d rather just let things flow and not even tell him I’m ovulating though he always has an idea when I am and sometimes will instigate it himself. our partners really aren’t that stupid I don’t let him touch me when I have a period not even playfully.at end of day we are mammals and we both have our instincts when it comes to the other sex.also I will add I won’t have sex now unless I think I’m near ovulating just so he stays in the mood