Don't know if I want IVF anymore

I don't know how to tell my fiancé, I just feel like I have no choice but to have IVF.

We moved to UK from Mallorca because I had surgery and then for IVF, but we've decided that after my next surgery and the IVF we are moving back to Mallorca, if it works or not.

I'm 27, and i feel like the last 3 years of my life have been taken from me, I couldn't work, I couldn't go out, I couldn't do anything and if this next surgery works, I just want to live a little, want to do everything we've missed out on since I got ill.

There's nothing to say the IVF would work, but if it did, then everything would change.

I want a baby, I do, more than anything, I'm just so drained.

We moved here specifically for IVF, neither of us are happy here but we are sticking it out, to go for IVF. Once this is done, we will go private so I just feel I have no choice but to go through with it, it could be our only chance for a few years, because I won't go through it again for a while.

So confused.

7 Replies

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  • Hi Megan

    Sorry to hear you have so much going on in your head right now.

    I can imagine you feel more isolated also being away from home.

    With the way you are feeling you need to speak to your fiance. I am sure he will understand. You are young and have plenty of time to return to IVF in a few years if thats what you want.

    If you are not 100% sure its defo not the process to be doing unless your sure.

    Wishing you well with whatever decisions you take. Take care of yourself and take time to decide.

    Much love xx

  • It's good to talk... you'll know what each other are thinking. This is good advice xx

  • Oh darling. You must be beside yourself. Remember we're not too far from each other. We could do coffee if you liked. xx

  • Thank you xx

  • You poor thing! Take time to think carefully about what you really want. Will you beat yourself up later if you don't go for it now? What would it take for you to have the strength to do it now? None of us ever really wants to be doing it... but you need to feel strong to face it. Good luck with your decision making xx

  • Thank you all!

    I told him last night, and it turns out he feels the same!

    He said he also feels backed into a corner and like we haven't a choice, so we have decided to leave the IVF, but stay for a 1-2 years until I'm 'better, and go back to Mallorca and just live our lives!

    I feel so much better now and like a weight has been lifted, thank you all so much ❤️

  • Sometimes we just know when enough is enough don't we, and it's amazing when we dread taking to partners that it turns out they've been thinking the same! It's great you're on the same page. It sounds like you just need to take some time out of this whole crazy process, you have time on your side with regard to fertility and you don't want to become really resentful of how much life has been taken away what with your struggles with endo/infertility etc. That can play havoc with your mindset, I've been there and it's very hard to move away from such resentment at feeling your life has been taken over with illness. We all have those days when we feel we can't go on, but you'll know deep down that you just need to stop and there's nothing wrong in doing that, a very sensible decision. Take time to get fully well and get back to the warm air of Mallorca which will without doubt heal you further, especially if you and your partner feel happier there. We have the same dilemma as you, leaving Sydney to come back to the UK for treatment, but we're just going to come back for a year, see how we go and we'll be straight back on the plane if we need to! Remember, every decision you make is un-doable and you are free to change your minds whenever you like. After getting back to Mallorca and just having some you time and time with your fiancé to enjoy life again and not have your lives so dominated with health troubles will do wonders, you'll then be in a much stronger position to make some decisions for the future. Think you're being really sensible, I wish you all the very best Sxx

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