BFN how to deal with

[Salimali44]

We just got our negative test result for the latest embryo transfer. It was the third one- previously done two fresh transfers both also failed. Just wondering if anyone has any tips of what to do with this feeling? I feel so lonely. None of my friends understand and I don’t feel like I want to see them. My partner just tries to get on as if nothing has happened- I know he is dealing with it his own way but it doesn’t help me. I ought to be going to work really but I’m in a state now…. Is there anything I can do to make me feel better?

[Sunflower8686]

I'm so sorry to hear this 😔 if you don't feel ready to go to work you should take time off. You are going through a loss and time is really the only thing that will help to heal the hurt. It took me 6 months before I felt ready to start a cycle again. I'm now on my second cycle and dreading my test day which is soon because of this reason. I don't know how I will deal with a potential heartbreak again. You are stronger than you think and you will be able to get through this. What helped me on my 1st failed cycle was trying to see a positive from it e.g. that the consultant determined a different protocol, drugs and I got over my anxiety as I knew what to expect from the procedures and that would make me more relaxed and help the situation. I guess the world of fertility is a learning path for everyone. I do understand that no one truly understands unless they are going through similar. Reach out in this community there seems to be a lot of lovely ladies that are here to listen. Take care of yourself, it's going to be ok xx

[Scoobysnax80]

Hi!

I'm So sorry you’re going through this 💔. Everything you are feeling is totally normal. I totally get the feeling of being alone, but, you have a community here to help reassure you that you aren’t alone.

Give yourself time to grieve, you have been through a lot!

I suspect your partner is trying to deal with it in his own way. I find men appear to brush things off, but inside they are thinking about it and hurting as much as we are.

Have you tried telling your partner that you need to talk about it to help you process this news and to figure out how you want to go forward?

You are doing the right thing by seeking support for yourself and hopefully just having some responses here from women like me who understand how hard this journey is will help you to start to heal. 🧡

[Christianbaby]

After my own failed transfers, I learned that it’s important to allow yourself to grieve and let those emotions take their course. There’s no right or wrong way to feel right now, and it’s okay to not be okay.

I found that these forums can be a real lifeline because everyone here truly understands what you’re going through. When I felt like no one else around me could, this community was a place where I could express myself and not feel so alone. It’s okay to take a step back from everything else and just be in the moment.

Sending you strength and supportive thoughts during this difficult time. ❤️

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi. So sorry to hear this, and hope you have some support aroun. Remember you’re the most important person, so look after you. Don’t worry about friends and their babies, don’t see them if you’re not up to it, let them thkink what they want, they will be back.if you feel it might help, there is an excellent charity that can be contacted at bica.net they deal with all types of fertility including relationships. See what you think. Have a look at the suppoty groups on the website. Diane

[clevernoggin]

Sending you a massive virtual hug, I know this feeling well and the only thing that might be helpful to say at this point is that it will get easier, and you will find yourself again and be able to look at life with a wider lens. It might take a few days, or a few weeks for it to become less consuming and agonising. The grief is real and many in this community on here I expect know it well, even though friends and family may not understand or be aware. Allow yourself to hide when you need to, have lots of hugs with your partner even if words aren't helpful, and give yourself a free pass to avoid things situations, people etc that are tricky just now. It will get better xx

[MiniCeeCee]

So sorry to hear this, it gets harder each time doesn’t it. I’ve had two failed transfers and just keep thinking now that the next ones will too, but take hope from the ladies on here that have had success after 5+ transfers. It can be done! Give yourself time now to hide away if you need to, eat all the chocolate, watch all the TV, do what you need to do. We are all in this together and you are not alone xx

[Salimali44]

Thanks very much for all the messages of support, means a lot 💜 I feel very hopeless now as it just doesn’t feel like it will ever work for us- but we’ve booked our follow up appointment with our doctor so will see what he thinks I suppose. I’m also thinking of getting antidepressants from the GP- has anyone else resorted to this? It just feels impossible to enjoy my life normally with all this going on in the background, I think I might need some chemical support…

[Kitkat10 in reply to Salimali44]

I can 100% relate to how you are feeling, I had two failed cycles and believed it would never work. I found it helpful to try and look forward by planning next steps or researching my options. I wrote down any questions I had for the follow up appointment while everything was fresh in my mind. I did feel incredibly depressed and bleak but threw myself into exercise which helped. I came away from social media and fully focused on myself and my goals. I shielded myself from pregnancy announcements etc and just tried to be gentle on myself. You will feel joy again, this is a tough time but it will pass.

Give yourself time to process the last cycle, I hope things feel better with a little time. It’s a rough ride to navigate but you are not alone and lots of ladies on here will know exactly what you are going through xx

[Cep92]

I also had my 3rd negative result on Monday. I have actually gone off sick from work. You need to do what's best for your own mental health. I feel I need a break to look after me x you are not alone

[Salimali44 in reply to Cep92]

Sorry you are going through this too. It’s so tough isn’t it? I had a couple of days working from home and am back at work today but not concentrating very well… although I already feel a bit more positive after talking with our doctor today. I think we are going to try again- getting back on the rollercoaster! I did get some antidepressants from my GP too but I’ve decided to wait a week before taking them to see if I can feel any better with time, as it’s all very raw now. Thank you for your message, it really helps to know I am not alone, and I hope it helps you a bit too xx