So happy but so sad!!!

It's been 2 years since my hubby & I found out that we would be unable to have a baby naturally or by IVF. I felt I had learned to deal with my feelings & had started to talk openly about our situation when in conversation with other people without getting upset........until recently!! My brother & his partner have found out they are expecting baby no.3 (this added to 2 older children from his previous marriage). I am so unbelievably happy for them but so unbelievably sad at the same time. I feel I am on the precipice again!! I wish I could make these feelings go away.

8 Replies

  • Hi,

    It must be so hard for you. Can I ask why your not allowed to do IVF?

    Kelly X

  • It's not that we're not allowed its just that our chances of success are so tiny we decided to not put ourselves through it.

  • It's harder when it's people who are close to you although I have found my nieces quite a comfort to me. X

  • I do love my nieces & nephews....there's 6 on my hubby's side too!! It's just do hard when I was the one that so desperately wanted children from so young & my bro has found it so easy!! I admit I'm jealous, it's not an attractive quality but there it is!!

  • So sorry you're feeling this it's so hard.... I'm guessing donor eggs can't help you? Xx

  • Have you considered counselling? We ceased treatment in January following 2 mcs from natural conceptions and 3 rounds of ICSI=3 bfns. I've been having counselling to help with the grief of not being able to be a mum. I've also been reading a book by Jodie Day. Both seem to be helping but it's always going to be a source of pain and pops up often when I least expect it.

  • I know these feelings.. It is so unclear when you are happy and at the same time can't stop thinking of all of your fails and struggles. I remember myslef when we flew for the tx abroad and had to experience this night of hell, when the hotel we were staying in was full og mothers and their children. they were crying all night long and we even asked the clinic to give us another room in another hotel but they said that at the time there were too many clients and all of the hotels were full so we had to listen to those happy noises. and it was so meaningful, i was always trying to find a way for me to become mother but the motherhood always seemed to be behind the wall, like I wasn't allowed to it..

    i hope that you will find your happiness and if you write that you won't get the baby through ivf, does that mean that you are opting for the surrogacy then??

  • I am really sorry to hear you feel this way. As suggested, you should try counselling and see if that helps. Going through this must be difficult and the feeling of everyone else is having children but you. Whenever I feel sad, I come to the forum because I can read that I am not alone and if I were to ask a question, the ladies here are extremely helpful.

    Take sometime out and decide what you would like to do to help ease the stress a little.

    Big hugs. Xxx

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