Hello all you amazing women (and any men on here). How do we do it?
So yesterday i went to get my hair done and whilst talking to my hairdresser (who i am also friends with). She know all about me and my husband trying (what people tell their hairdresser, right?) I said we are starting out first round of icsi in January and how i was nervous about injecting etc (i have a real phobia of needles). She is super sweet and has in the past but me in touch with another client who went through ivf which helped me so much. Anyway, i knew my hairdresser and her husband had been trying for over a year and when she asked me to tilt my head down i couldn’t help but notice a tiny bump. She was wearing a flowy dress and has an hourglass figure so didn’t want to ask outright (it is Christmas so lots of treats about). So i asked how it was going with her. She said it had been tough over the summer as they were using ovulation kits but nothing was happening. She then said we were going to go to the gp but found out she was pregnant. As soon as she said the P word she started apologising and saying how sorry she was. I gave her a massive hug (foils in my hair and all) and said i was so happy and it gives me hope- all of this is true. I then had to wait another hour before i could leave and have no idea how I managed to keep the tears at bay. When my DH picked me up i burst into tears. Now i feel so guilty. I am truly happy for her but it made me feel bad that she felt like she had to apologise. It hurts having to put a brave face on it. I am super nervous about January in case it doesn’t work and now feel really low. How do we do it? When will it get easier?
Really sorry for being down. I know this is a hard journey and at least my friend got some fab news.
I hope everyone is doing well and hope you all have a lovely Christmas. Sending hug, love and so my much baby luck for 2020 💖 xxx
Written by
Judy18
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Oh J. So sorry to read this. I've been going through a similar situation myself. Been trying for 2 years now and last month had a failed IVF. It is an incredible hard journey and you shouldn't feel guilty at all.
Hope your treatment goes well and you get your bfp. X
I know exactly how you feel my love, and it is completely normal reaction. You should never feel guilty for this. 5 of my friends all became pregnant at the same time. 3 have had their babies. They have a separate WhatsApp group which is fine, as I don’t want to hear baby stuff all the time, but also incredibly painful as I just don’t hear from them that much anymore. They seem to have moved on with their lives and I here, in their past.
All these emotions are normal. We didn’t ask for this to happen to us. Feeling jealous and sad, when people announce pregnancies is very normal. But you’ve done the right thing, be positive, keep smiling and your turn will come.
Don’t feel bad, it’s normal to have emotional outbursts like that. Seems like the easiest thing in the world for everyone else to fall pregnant, and the frustration of not being able to make it happen yourself is totally unjustified. So hard.
I’m in the same boat, 3 years of trying and one failed round of IVF using ICSI.
Some days I feel like I’m Trying to keep my head above the water and not drown in sadness... other days I can focus on positive things and keep the faith. Day by day.
Oh it’s a horrible feeling but we’ve all done this! Felt happy for someone else but sad for ourselves.
When my ICSI round had worked and I was still in the first couple of weeks after the BFP there was an announcement at work and it was like a gut pinch - even tho I’d got the result I wanted, it still hit me the same!
I’m not sure it ever eases off, maybe a little over time. But we all understand xx
Oh I’m so sorry to hear this. I understand your feeling. I had a miscarriage in September and in November a friend told me she was pregnant and that she was very sorry for me, she said ‘I am very concious about how hard it may be for you’.
We got married at the same time, I was so hurt by this sentence and I cried for days afterwards. Since then we didn’t even talk. You don’t need to feel guilty, you managed it all very well, in fact you even gave her a hug and told her you were happy for her. I hope you will have your baby very soon.
Don’t feel guilty. I think everyone going through infertility has had the same feelings as you. I always find it such a strange feeling because you’re 100% thrilled for your friends and so excited for them but in private it’s like a punch to your stomach. I have cried many tears of hurt and anger so I know how you feel.
I found all the baby showers tough too. Such a happy occasion but all you want to do is scream. I went to 4 this year. One of them was just days after my second miscarriage.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. When you start your IVF you feel you are finally making progress. I’ve just completed my first round and I’m currently 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I wish you all the luck in the world with yours in January.
That's the thing it's normal to feel jealous when you find out someone else is having a baby when you want one for yourself but it's not happening for you.
On one hand you are glad for them and wouldn't wish them harm but on the other you feel jealous thinking why can't it be you for once!
At a place I used to work at there was our line manager who had a very spoilt dog who had a miscarriage and then had cried when she found out someone she was friends with was pregnant in the office and I had comforted her saying how it's always hard to take when you can't have something and then someone else can and how when that happens its not fair and how it's normal to feel like that and yes you are glad for them and wouldn't wish them ill but wish it was you as well.
Anyway the line manager did have a little boy called Sam after the miscarriage who is now 13 and the spoilt dog was most put out with the arrival of Sam as she was used to being the baby of the family!
Hey there, what you are feeling is normal, many of us react this way. This has happened to me a number of times over the years and is still happening. It's the feeling so happy for them but so sad for yourself and the conflict inside of you that you can't control the emotions that want to burst out of you. It is important that you are able to cry when you need to, to let it all out. You have hope with your cycle in January and on this journey that is important as it keeps you going. I wish you lots of luck with your cycle in January and hope that this festive period treats you kind xx
Thank you to all of your lovely and supportive comments. Really helps and makes me feel a bit more “normal”. Love to all xxxx
The thing is you are glad for them and wouldn't wish them ill but sad about your own situation as you only want the same things and it's OK to feel sad and it always feels worse when it's Christmas when you are going through problems.
I think you are right- i thought Christmas would be a great distraction but i am really emotional. Some of that is due to being back on the pill before treatment. It was one i was on years ago and had to change as it made me extra moody. Just feels like a hard time of year. Wasn’t even it as i love Christmas normally. Thanks for everyones support! Xxx
Hi judy! How are you doing now? It's super hard to be around those people who are making it work when you are not. It just breaks you from inside out. So nothing to feel guilty about, i was so jealous of my sister and friends when i was struggling. It's a sign of being human. To make things work out for you, you first need to eliminate this negative thoughts from your mind. After that you need to focus on your health, a healthy diet with exercise will increase your chances. Also make sure you are visiting a good clinic or ask the hairdresser which clinic is she visiting. Clinics do help a lot in these treatments. Take good care of yourself. My blessings are with you. Good luck! Goodbye!
Hey there! I hope you are feeling better now. I have struggled with that thing as well. I am a very sensitive person so even a small thing like that was enough to break me into tears. But it's also important to hold back your feelings at some situations. Like if someone tells you a good news, try to put them before yourself and be happy with them in their time. When you will care about their feelings, they will care about yours. But you have nothing to feel guilty about. I hope this year brings some good things in your life. Good things take some time okay. Take care. Good luck. Stay blessed. Bye!
Hi Judy! How are you now? I hope you are feeling better. I know it must have been hard for you to listen to all that. But if someone is listening to you and sharing your feelings. Then you should do the same for them. I know it's very hard but I tried to keep a balance between all that. And my friends never made me feel like I was not a part of them. So if you will care about them, they will do the same for you. That's how the relationships work, it's never one way. One way relationships end sooner or later. I hope you understand, stay strong. Take care. Bye!
How are you getting on now? Just wanted to send you tons of encouragement and hugs. This journey is rollercoaster - I do think society as a whole is very muted to our pain simply be has the majority don’t go through the same issues we do when TTC. I think it’s Oky to have a little cry, after all they have something that you deeply desire. It’s important to recognise that you feeling very sad about your own situation is not a reflection of your happiness for them. I am sure given the choice you wouldn’t wish this TTC on anyone. So therefore it is possible to be happy for someone but go through your feelings of severe loss. For me that’s how I keep things in perspective and my DH at times makes it out like I am jealous and feeling resentful. But I had to explain to him that it’s a process for me. It’s a trigger of something very painful in my life. He understands a little now. I am also trying to teach myself that everyone’s journey is different. I shouldn’t compare myself because it never ends well for me when I make that comparison LoL. I hope this makes you feel a bit more heard and less alone in these feelings. It’s very difficult to explain to anyone else what a rollercoaster this TTC journey is! Wishing you baby dust in 2020!xxx
Hi Samosa. Thanks for responding to this. It is nice to know that others understand! I think i have found it hard as so many people don’t seem to get it. My family struggle with it. I really had to stress to them that relaxing and being positive would not get me pregnant and they wouldn’t say that to someone with diabetes (think that has started to sink in). Hope 2020 holds baby dust and luck for us. Sending hugs xxx
Oh, this is a normal reaction, it seems to me that you should not blame yourself for this. The fact that you are worried about the upcoming event is also quite normal. But it was difficult for you to listen to this. Try not to take it to heart. Just believe that your dream will come true. Thank you for sharing this story. I wish you good luck, I hope that January will be successful for you!
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