So I checked yesterday (my test date) and it was BFN. I started crying straight away. I cried the whole day. Even when i tried sleeping i was crying in my dream and woke up crying again. Blood test was negative as well, there was no implantation, no nothing. So now i am thinking the worst. I have never seen a positive test in my whole life. This FET was “by the book” according to my doctor, embryo was top grade. Still, no implantation, no line. I am devastated and i am thinking something is wrong. No additional tests were done, just the basics and the conclusion was- male factor. Guess that’s what we get with NHS. Last night i read about different procedures which has to be considered after failures like ERA, immunology, genetic, hysterescopy. I am aware doctors don’t do it unless you got many failures, not just one but how About the past 2,5 years when i have never seen a positive test ? I am aware we might need to pay for it. We still got two average quality embryos left but i don't have any hope for them since things didn’t work out whit an excellent one. Clinic is making me decide if i want both embryos transferred together or one by one. How am i supposed to know? Can you advise me please?
Im in the darkest place atm and i only think of a failure. I cant imagine being pregnant or be a mom one day. It happens to everyone else but me. I am terrified that i will end up childless and my life will be pointless. I am scared we might not find out what the problem is and all procedures will be waste of time and money. Decided to stay home and recover mentally because i can’t function. I don't even care what my boss thinks anymore. I swear God is trying to test me and i don’t understand what did i do to deserve it. I am so sorry for the long depressing post. But most of you know the feeling. I hope i recover soon...
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Bubunoto
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I just want to give you a big squeezy hug and not say anything.
The heartbreak of a failed cycle is something no-one can comprehend, only those who have been through it. So many questions going through your mind, frustration about not being listened to. Nothing anyone can say will make you feel any better, i know that. But know you are NOT alone. We are all hear to support you and give you advice when you need it.
You are incredibly strong, although i know you dont feel it right now. But you will get through this.
A fresh start might be just what you need, a new clinic, new eyes, new perspective. March in with your list of questions (or 2 pages in a notebook if you’re like me). You want to be listened to, taken seriously and that is not too much to ask at all.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, a failed cycle is devastating and I know it feels like you can’t see past it right now but I promise you, with time, you will be able to. You’ve suffered a loss, be angry, be upset, let it all out.
When you’re ready for some hope, I just want to say that peoples top quality embryos fail all the time, for no reason and those leftover, second best embryos go on and make them a baby. So don’t write those embryos off just yet. A lot of clinics now don’t tell you the grading because all grades make healthy babies. I really hope that one of those little Frosties is yours, when you are ready to try again.
For today, I’m sending you a big hug. Be kind to yourself xxx
Bubu love ❤️I am SO sorry for your bfn. I can feel how lost you are. I’m not sure what I’m about to say will make you feel better but......I’ve been where you are now. Not just me. I’m sure so many ladies on here have felt what you’re feeling. That we’ll never see the line. That we’ll end up childless and our lives won’t be worth it.
That’s just human- these thoughts are human and you’re thinking them because of the circumstances you are in NOW.
Personally, it took me 5 years to see a double line. And wait.....you know which embryo took??? The ‘average’ one. Not the top grade (which I had too and failed in November 2019).
Unfortunately, while we think IVF is very much a controlled process, it’s not. There’s a lot that can be done in a lab, but ultimately it’s nature taking its course.
We can only hope, even when we think we have no hope left. You’ll think hope is gone now, but it’s still in your beautiful heart ❤️You’re fighting a very hard war, and you lost a battle. Lick your wounds as you need and deserve.
When you’re ready to start again, your hope will come back and your dream will become reality.
‘No one said it’s going to be easy, they said it’s going to be worth it’
You are worthy ❤️God knows that ❤️Even if you think differently now ❤️
Yes lucky although I won’t believe it until little 🦞 is in my arms 🙈🙏🏻You will get your little lobster soon too xxxx 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓lots of love!
Bubunoto, I’m so sorry to hear your result. I’ve been in your position three times and it only gets harder everytime and the worse thing is the unknown. My consultant tells me I’m always going by ‘textbook’ levels and everything but why doesn’t it work!! ☹️ Take the time you need to recover, time heals things and I’m certain that one day it will be our day. Lots of love xxx
Thank you, Pinky. I want to believe it will work out for us both and all other ladies who wish for it with all their hearts.
You are not alone in how you are feeling. Only people who have had failed cycles can understand. It doesn’t need to be the highest grade embryo it just needs to implant! You still have hope. Sending you love xxxx
I can totally relate to pretty much everything you’ve typed 🙌 but can also reassure you that the feelings you have right now .... are temporary . 💐
This too shall pass. 🙏🏻
I’ve also :
Never seen a positive test
Had a text book transfer with perfect lining etc etc
Top grade embryo
Negative result 🤷🏼♀️
The best I could think was the embryo just wasn’t right . Because if everything else was ... then that’s what I feel I can say . 💐
You did everything you could.
The doctors did everything they could.
At least you have your health to try again when your heart stops hurting. 🙏🏻
At least you have other embryos in the freezer. 🙏🏻
I kinda had to shout at myself and tell myself : I am not sick, nobody died. Over and over . 🙏🏻
It’s just a ‘not yet’ result . Your journey isn’t over, it’s just part of it.🤷🏼♀️
Right now, it hurts, cry when you feel like it but also do things that you enjoy to lift your heart . Go get your hair done, massage, spa day, hotel break, meal out , walks in nature, coffee dates, long hot 🛁 ..... whatever you 💖. Be kind to yourself until you feel you can try again and don’t put pressure to feel better when you don’t.💖💐😘
It is ok to not be ok . Reach out for help if you still don’t feel better in a couple of weeks. A counsellor is great for helping you to reflect and move forward . 💐💐💐💐😘😘💖💖🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Rhino, hey. I am glad you wrote. I love your words of wisdom, you are so brave. I am a bit scared to do any type of procedures at the moment because of the virus. I am in London and i need to travel on the tube daily so i am bit paranoid. I am at home until Friday, and I am watching shows, eating, going out for walks with my pup and waiting for my bf to come back so i can get on his nerves (joke)
Sounds like you are doing all of the right things. I’ve had my down regulation injection and will start stims for round 2 on Wednesday . Probably best to take a break right now and recover body and soul 💖💐💐💐
My top graded embryo didn't take last year either. After that transfer I felt the same as you, maybe there was something wrong with me, maybe I'd never see a BFP and it was very disheartening. But after a few months off and distractions, we transferred two of our next bests in November and they both stuck. Don't give up hope. I pray you get that blessing! <3
So sorry that your transfer didn’t work. It’s hard getting an unsuccessful result so my heart goes out to you.
Let me give you my honest opinion. I don’t always put a lot of weight on grading. There are too many occasions when great quality embryos don’t stick and poor graded embryos result in perfect babies. There are also other factors to consider and it’s not simply about the embryo and the lining. This is not an exact science as there are so many unknowns and our bodies will decide for us at the end of the day.
If it were me, I would put in those 2 embryos. It’s actually what I did and I’m now pregnant. I believe putting in two allowed me to cut to the chase and the one that didn’t stick, something tells me it wouldn’t have anyway. I believe I saved myself time and heartache. Use what you have left if you’re comfortable doing so and then take it from there.
The fact that you haven’t become pregnant over the past 2 and a half years doesn’t necessarily mean there is something wrong with you. Many things have to align and I know many women who have had to wait years to become pregnant both with and without Intervention. Like everything, things vary and some women will simply become pregnant more easily and quickly than others. Our bodies are different, hormones play a role, timing plays a role, age plays a role, stress may play a role and even what we eat...who knows what makes our bodies more reception on a particularly day in a particular month in a particular year. It’s all very unpredictable so don’t blame yourself or think that we control this whole process. This process is undoubtedly a blessing for many of us but we can only manipulate so much.
Don’t give up sweet Lady. You’re stronger than you think. Be sad, but remain hopeful. Best of luck...x
Awww thank you CLD 🥰. I don’t know what it is but I hear so many stories of positive results with two transfers. I always advocate for it where possible. Wishing you the best luck in deciding!!! I will be rooting for you!!!x
Thank you so much! It all depends for me what grade my day 3 gets to once thawed you see as its best to put similar grades in I hear, so I feel a bit in limbo until then - which is driving me nuts of course! xxx
Ah that makes sense. In all honesty I never asked for my grades. I guess I assumed that as they were good enough to freeze they were good enough to put back without dwelling too much on the implications of different gradings. I’m sure everything will work out for you 😊
Thanks a lot, Tiddly. My doctors are telling me different things but i am under the impression they prefer the single embryo transfer. None of them is giving me certainty or logical explanation. both embryos are considered average grade so the chance of failure should be less if put together- based on all the research i have made, but at the end of the day its all in God’s hands. I really want to do it and get it over with. If it doesn't work we could try Turkey.
My mind is all over the place. According to the doctor i spoke to today the reason for the 1st failure is embryo quality although it was considered excellent. At the end of the day they never know how good the embryo is, its all down to the physical looks and clinic’s criteria.
My partner wants me to put one at a time.. i don't know.
You’re welcome. That’s also interesting. A top grade embryo which is now considered the problem. It’s all very hit and miss really as like you say an embryo is only judged on its outer appearance unless you do more invasive testing.
At the end of the day you have two similarly graded embryos so the risk of them adversely affecting each other is lower. I also understand that research tells us that chance of becoming pregnant is higher when two similarly graded eggs are transferred. You may also save yourself time putting both back, but there is then the risk of multiple pregnancies which you have to consider.
My thoughts are that your clinic may not recommend a double transfer but they’ve not substantiated the reason for their position and they’ve still given you the choice so think it through. How do you feel about possibly undergoing two further transfers as opposed to one? Do you believe a double embryos transfer will impact the likelihood of success one way or another? How would u feel about a multiple pregnancy? How soon do you want to move on to Turkey? How opposed is your husband to a double transfer and why?
It’s a difficult decision but maybe listing your pros and cons make help you...x
I know how you feel and the concerns you have over your grades as I felt the same but then I read some really positive stories here and I’ve decided to not get so hung up on it.
Take care of yourself lovely. We’re here for you xxx
My love, I'm so so sorry to hear this. It's completely not fair, but it's nothing you've done or didn't do, and you don't deserve for it to not take. Be really gentle with yourself right now; this is beyond hard to go through. Don't feel like you need to make any decisions on your frozen embryos right now as you've got enough to deal with without feeling pressure to make big decisions. Thinking of you and sending lots of love xxxx
I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through. I know at this time little will ease it but I just wanted to send all the love and kind thoughts. This is such a terrible rollercoaster to go through without knowing when it ends - but I truly hope after this painful dip you will soon be climbing up towards joy and hope again. I can’t speak for everyone but in all the time I have been doing this I believe and have seen that hope always returns and time is always able to heal. Through every storm weathered, a new path is cleared and whilst different to your original path - it may very well be the one that ends with your dreams. Be kind to yourself over the next few days. Xx
Thank you, Littlelife. I really hope the sun will shine for me and for all women who need it. I was speaking to a therapist today and he reminded me how from 27 follicles (hyper stimulation) we ended up with only 3 embryos and he was asking how i dealt with it. TBH i stopped thinking about it a while ago but back then i was extremely disappointed and shocked. I was telling people and they were all saying to be glad i had 3 and their comments were making me feel very upset and misunderstood back then. No one knows how we feel and how we cope with stuff so people need to learn to be more sensitive or to be quiet instead of talking for the sake of it. Its so cruel. Somehow i dealt with it and put it at the back of my mind but when we spoke about it today i realised how horrible the journey has been and how many things i had to deal with mentally and physically and to not give up. Fail after fail...
Everything in my life up till now has been working out, my life has been easy or at least thats how i see it and i am so thankful. So naturally, i was expecting to get pregnant without too much difficulties. Well, guess God had a different plan for me. I still can't accept it though.
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