Fertility Network UK
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another bfn 😢😢😢hope is gone

devestated. couldn't bring myself to post yesterday. I allowed myself a wee bit of hope towards the end given this was our first fet so maybe less drugs and more natural so maybe just maybe this will work only to be devestated again. I just don't understand and I feel so so lost. I am 40 next month and I just want to hide. we have never seen two lines and I just feel now it is unlikely we ever will. I know we should be grateful we have two frosties left but why will these work when past 4 haven't?? the cost is mounting and through the snot and tears at the hospital yesterday we had to make a visa transaction too😢I also started a new job this week as was trying to find a less stressful alternative so all in I feel physically and emotionally wrecked. I had hoped a less stressful job may increase likelihood of conceiving naturally although I am the heaviest I have ever been and given I have been crying for the last 24 hours I don't feel very attractive plus the fact that I will soon be 40😢😢our nephew also arrived for the weekend last night and while he is a great distraction seeing him and my dh together is heartbreaking. .I just feel like giving up xxxx

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I'm so sorry for you 😭😭 life can be so cruel! I really hope one day you get your BFP .. it's such an emotional rollercoaster but please don't give up 🍀❤️ Xx

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thanks xx

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Just tried to dm you but it’s not working for some reason. Wanted to say I’m really sad for you. It’s such awful news. You will be grieving. We are all holding you in our hearts. I’m approaching 40 too and I know what a looming menace the date feels like. 😭

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thanks hun...I just feel like I want to crawl away and hide although I know that is worse so have to dig deep and put a brave face on..I want to practice what I preach on here..I want to be hopeful however it is so so hard xxxx

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Ahhh lovely, I’m so sorry to read this, it’s just not fair. Some real quality time with your husband is probably the only comfort for you at the moment but know that I’m thinking of you and lots of love xxx

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thanks honey. .I have already been apologising to him as I feel it is all my fault now and if he was with someone else he would have his own kids by now..I know that is awful things to say but I feel so sad..I hope you are doing ok too..you have been in my thoughts xxx

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Thanks, I did the same, apologised to Jon for not managing to keep our baby growing after we were so excited 😢 Heartbreaking. Jon doesn’t see it like that though, and your hubby won’t either.

It’s so hard but you’ll find the strength you need to face your next steps.

Take care xxxx

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Our husbands are so strong. We would be even more lost without them.i am so grateful to have him xxx

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So sorry to hear this look after yourself xxx

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Vic you’re doing/have done everything you can. Don’t you forget that. It shouldn’t be this bloody hard! Xx

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thanks hun xxx

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We’ll all get each other through this, whatever happens xx

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crying now..thanks hun..you are so right..how are we all so strong? xx

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We just have to be... xx 😘

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And remember, those two little frosties need you to be strong just as my two do xx

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Yikes we both have two left.we both will hang in there for them..our babies are there I hope xxxx

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🙏🏻 xx

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Aw hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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So sorry to see this. It’s so shit. Be kind to yourself. (I’m 41, with 42 looming next March so I hear you on the age thing BUT - you know what? I don’t feel too old and I’ll be damned if my age is going to be any kind of barrier to having babies.... so less beating on yourself for being old, lady!) Take care. Sending love and a hug xxx

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lol think I just feel extra old today but you are right. Love your attitude. Thank you so so much xxx

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Full on snot crying can do that to a girl and I think you’re allowed a little pity party right now... xx

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Awwwwww hun this is so devastating to read. I'm really so sorry hun. There's nothing I can say to make it better. Just sending you loads of love and hugs and I hope you find the strength you need soon. 💗💗🤗😘

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Thank you so much.support in here helps so so much xxxx

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I know hun. I really hope you get that bfp one day really do hun big hugs 💗🤗😘

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I'm really truly sorry xxxxxxxx I can feel your pain - wipe those eyes and be strong for each other and those Frosties xxx

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I will try xxx

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Vic I’m so sorry to read this. It’s not your fault at all. You’ve done everything you can. I’m sure you will get there after a little break to heal some. Please don’t give up hope. And although we age, our Frosties don’t - they are frozen in time so you do have time. Sending you the biggest of hugs and strength to get through this most difficult of times xxxx

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Thanks mrs our message helps.i never thought of our Frosties like that and I need to be strong for them I know.it is just so so hard xxx

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Just take your time - you need to grieve first xxxxx

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So sorry to hear this sending u hugs hugs xx

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aww so sorry to hear this xx

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So sorry to see this. Big hug xx

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Oh love, I'm so, so sorry to hear this. Xxxx

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Thanks Hun xxxx

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Hi Vic I'm so sorry your 4th try hasn't worked, it's so unfair and cruel. We had 4 cycles too and still have empty arms and hearts. I'm also fast approaching 40 (January) and it feels pretty bleak doesn't it.

We decided to stop treatment and pursue adoption but I think we moved too fast on that so we're just giving ourselves a break to really deal with it all and just be off the rollercoaster. I hope there are brighter days ahead for you, just wanted you to know you're not alone xx

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Thanks so much. I get so much support from you all over on here and in am so very very grateful and in awe of the strength you all show. We are in such a similar situation and think maybe we should consider adoption too however I have mixed feelings and today is not the day nor before xmas for making any decision and I do not want to give up on our two Frosties but feel a bit like why would they work when this one didn't ... we too have empty arms and hearts and want nothing more than to fill them and fear we maybe never will..today all I can see is babies and bumps...I am sure folk think I am odd 😭😭sending you love too xxx

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So sorry. Give yourself the time you need and then you'll find the strength for your 2 frosties. Take care xx

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Oh Hun I'm so sorry for your bfn 😔 Take care of yourself. Sending lots of love and hugs ❤️ xxxx

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I am so sorry to read this, be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. Don’t give up hope yet xx

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I was thinking of you yesterday and so so sorry to see this. All I can really say is sending you lots of love xxx

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Hi Vic, I’m so sorry to read this, it is utterly shit right now, and my heart goes out to you. Right now you’re going to feel terrible and let yourself, don’t fight it, you’re allowed to feel whatever you want to right now. You have done nothing wrong, it’s just that life can be really frigging hard and unfair at times. Take one day at a time, you sadly know the drill, big hugs lovely xxxxxx

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Thanks Hun sadly we do know the drill..chose not to tell folk this time however I fear my emotional state may be a give away this time xxx

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as lizzie so beautifully put it, we are all holding you in our hearts. thinking of you & sending love xxxx

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Thanks so much -noodles- and of course Lizzielizzielizzie as as you rightly said that girl has a beautiful way with words..hugs to you both xxxx

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Oh no vic, I’m so sorry to read this. It’s so unfair and after 4 attempts you must be so devastated.

There are no words to say how sorry I am, please look after yourself and each other xx

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Oh Vic I really feel for you. This is such a rough road and no words can help. Take some time to grieve. Remember those Frosties are a completely different embryo and have good chances or they wouldn't have been frozen. I worry the same as you about my 2 Frosties as I had a missed miscarriage and worry it'll happen again or be bfn. But everyone keeps telling me it's a completely different eggand sperm so a new chance of hope. X

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Thanks so much C_L_A_I_R_E . I am so sorry I never saw your post I am devastated for you😭😭I know you are really got about the Frosties and the way I need to think about them..we are so lucky to have them still I guess. You take care too. Sending hugs xxxxxx

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Thanks Vic

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I'm so sorry to hear this xx

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Oh no I’m so so sorry to read this, heartbreaking for you!! 💔

My 40th is looming soon as well (Feb) so I know the absolute added fear and dread that brings!!

Please look after yourself!! xx

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It's daft as it's just a birthday really but I think I am ja st linking it to reduced chances now by women do fall pregnant in their 40s still right??? Xxxx

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That’s exactly same as me, I think it’s cause u see so many of the statistics that are 35-40 & then over 40!! 😳 but logically its not like everything just disappears the day u turn 40 & like u say women in their 40’s do still have!! Let’s hope that’ll be us both!! 🤞🏻

Hope you’re doing ok today!! Xxx

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I will try my very best xxx

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Ah Hun I’m sending you the biggest hug, 🤗. it all feels insurmountable at times, like the odds are always stacked against you. It just sucks and I’m really sorry you’re going through such a shit time. 😪. I’m in the same boat so I don’t really have any answers for you but all I can say is put the pressure on your clinic for some answers. And if you don’t like what you hear, try other opinions. I don’t believe that you have as many BFNs as we have had without there being something wrong.

Don’t give up hun, you have 2 embies left and being a geriatric isn’t that bad after all 😏. I’ve quite enjoyed my new era of not giving a shit :-)

Xxx

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Yes a geriatric 🤣What a term...was ou with pals last night..forced myself to go..was talking to one of my male pals who didn't know my birthday was looming or about ivf and he said no way did I look like a geriatric so that kinda helps..lol..mind you since I had been crying for 24 hours straight I am wondering what he must have thought of my panda eyes and I did notice his glasses in the table..lol.inknow what you mean about wanting answers..I really do wan them however so far we have never had answers so I am not holding out much hope. What your thoughts now for your Frostie??? Xxxx

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I am so sorry to hear your news. It is just totally unfair. Thinking of you. Xx

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too right its all so bloody unfair isn't it?

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its so bloody unfair when you have got your hopes up and its all for nothing.

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Yes crushed again..that's what it feels like. Each time I have allowed ,self to get less and less hopeful xx

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Ohh hun. I had everything crossed for you. There are no words life can be so cruel! Thinking of you xx

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I am so so sorry to hear this Vicky, I really feel for you. I was thinking about you yesterday and hoping for the best. There's nothing I say that is going to make any of this better but we're here for you to listen and support you xxx

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Thank you so so much you have all been amazing as usual xxx

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Aww vic I am so so sorry it is so cruel xx

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Oh Vic 😢😢 I have a heavy heart for you reading this post and feel your despair. Please don't give up, I know you feel like that now but just think of your Frosties. Sending you a HUGE hug xxx

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I know I am trying to be hopeful for them but why would they work??? I guess as said above by C_L_A_I_R_E they are different egg and sperm. However the quality of our leftover ones is less 😭Xx

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How are you doing? My AF started today and no Frosties 😢 so feeling your pain xxx

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I am so so sorry for your loss too. Yes my af feels like it's in the post today too am in agony..oh joy 😭😭xxx

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Thinking of you!!😚😚xx

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Oh I’m so sorry! It’s just so unfair. I know that your bday approaching probably has made it worse in a way. I felt like that about last month’s cycle. I was thinking I maybe would have wanted to celebrate my birthday if I’d been successful but now what’s the point? Just take each day as it comes Hun. Give yourself time to grieve and really allow yourself to feel it. Don’t feel guilty about feeling totally angry, frustrated and hollow about it all. I think sometimes we feel that we shouldn’t feel it as much as we do but we should. Loss is loss in however it comes and you should feel it how you need to feel it. Sending you a big hug. xxx

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Such wise words thank you so much xxxx

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I’m so sorry to read this - I felt totally numb after our last bfn - allow yourself to feel how you feel. Thinking of you and hoping for you when you can’t hope yourself xxxxx

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That's so kind..thank you so so much xxxx

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So sorry Vic, I'm absolutely gutted for you 😢 Life really is so cruel!! Take care, I know you'll come back fighting when your ready 😘 Xxx

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Thanks Hun..hope you doing ok xxxx

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Bowled over as always by the support on here from you all. It means so so much to us both and is so valued and needed at this time. When I don't know where to turn I turn here to you all who sadly feel my pain. We are all so strong, stronger than we think and if I could gather you all in a room I would give you all the biggest of hugs and scream out loud about how amazing each and every one of you is. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

So in an attempt to make ourselves feel better and as two geriatrics we have booked a city break to hipster Copenhagen for my hideous birthday so at least we won't be in dull dreary Scotland and I can go get some hygge I think it's called and a bloody beer🍻🍻🍻🍻🍺🍺🍺🍺🍾🍾🍾🍷🍷🍷🍹🍹🥂🥂🍸🍸🍸

Thanks all again and here's hoping I find my hope in Copenhagen ..kind of sounds like hope so maybe that's a start😘Xxxxx

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I hope you have a nice break away, have a huge beer 🍻 or 10 and enjoy yourself as much as you can. You deserve this! I hope you come back feeling refreshed and find your hope again. Happy birthday when it comes xxx 💞

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Well done - Copenhagen sounds great 👍 xxxxx

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Oh Vic, I’m sorry. That’s curl up and run away feeling is such a rotter! Allow yourself some time and be kind to yourself. Remember there are so many people on here you can reach out to and you know your not alone with your feelings. You will be in my thoughts x

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thank you so so much xxx

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I'm so sorry to hear it hasn't worked for you this time round. I think many of us get to the point where we feel completely lost. it all takes such a toll on the body physically and emotionally and what youve been through takes a lot of time to process. Glad that your able to escape to Copenhagen for a while and I hope it will give you a chance to clear your head. Xxx

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Lots of love Vic xx as always I think you are amazing xx

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thanks so much Datak you message helped as not feeling very amazing 😢😢hope you doing well xxxx

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That's the point Vic, you have to be scared to be brave and you have to be amazing to suffer this way and still put one step in front of the other and keep going when so devastated. Every step forward you take is a victory of human spirit and endurance ...the dream may dim or change but don't stop chasing it xxx

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Oh hon, I’m so so sorry to hear this after everything you’ve been through. At the moment everything will be feeling very raw and painful so take some time to allow yourselves to grieve and be kind to yourself, you’ve been on a huge rollercoaster of emotions. You don’t have to pretend to be brave or hopeful if you don’t feel like it, just do what you need to do to get through one day at a time and you will begin to feel better I promise. When/if you’re ready to try again having a couple of frosties is a positive as these have both fertilised and must have been good quality to freeze. I know turning 40 will be a horrible reminder of the ticking clock but, as I have to remind myself, it can happen over 40 and you’ll only be a day older than you were the day before. For now though focus on taking care of yourself Sending big hugs xxxx

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DON'T...GIVE...UP It will happen

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We had 1 fresh and transferred 2..BFN, 1 FET and transferered 2..BFN... when I thought it wouldn't happen we did another FET and transferred 1 and it worked. Stay prayerful, God will do it love. He wouldn't give you the desire and not fulfill it. Sending love and comfort your way. Such a hard journey, but you will be a mama.

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I am just about to start IVF so you might think I don't know really what you are talking about, but we have been trying for almost two years now and so many of the feelings you describe sound so familiar...

One year ago I would believe people telling me "It will happen" "I know It will happen soon, just relax" "I dreamt you were getting pregnant this year". I believed that, how silly, and now when I get my period one month after the other some part of me just wants to tell them they were wrong and they have no idea of what It is about. I wanted to hear that, but now I understand that simply because it happened to them doesn't mean I will be lucky. That life is unfair.

I always had a good relationship with my birthdays and my age, until now. I feel my body is ageing for nothing, that it is useless. I just wanted to become older and see children and grandchildren around me. To hear laughter and see kids running around me.

Now I am scared. I am not able to find another job I like. We are living in a foreign country far from our families. We can't have children and I have no clue of how my life will look in one, five or ten years time.

It might be that I never in my life see those two lines. That I will never buy maternity clothes and that I never hold my own baby in my arms.

In a few weeks probably I will have hope and sense of humor again :-). In the meantime, I just wish with all my heart It will happen for all of us too, soon.

Sorry for this long and personal message! But if you ever need to talk, you have a friend here! 😘

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Sending you so much love and hugs xxxx

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I’m so sorry Vic, at least you have some still frozen and maybe if you repeat with the same clinic they can see what they can do better next time.

I’m starting my first FET hopefully end of November and I turned 40 in June.

I always worry about my age but hey we are where we are and if you still producing eggs then age is not an issue as it means your body can do it.

Give yourself time to heal...

Big big hug 🤗

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thanks so much hun and wishing you so much luck for your fet xxxx

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