Feeling sad

[Tilly8135]

I just wanted to vent a little and looking for a little support, Me and my husband have been through 3 ivf failed rounds and I’m still struggling with not being a mum. Our group of friends all have babies and toddlers and we came home from out friends house today and I literally broke down in tears, utterly heartbroken. I has to sit and watch there children all play together and the mums says how they all play great together, taking photos and I was just sat there watching trying to put on a brave face. None of our friends know about our ivf as we decided not too but they know we want a child and have been trying. I’ve come home in tears, just don’t know a way out of it really. Am I being to sensitive, my husband says we cannot not see our friends but then it’s really affecting me. Not sure which way to go 😒

[Panda490]

So sorry to hear this 💔 it is really hard being around friends who have children (and got them so easily as well). I don't think your feelings are misplaced at all. Although I understand where your husband is coming from, I do think you have to do what is right for you and your mental health. If seeing your friends is triggering at the moment, then take a break from them. I am currently in my third round and I have had to step back from mine, it's what feels right for me at the moment and I need to look after myself. You shouldn't have to sit through something so triggering. Maybe arrange to see you friends when the kids are in bed or something? Do what feels right for you, your feelings are totally valid ❤️

[Tilly8135 in reply to Panda490]

Thank you so much for your reply, we normally do things are a group so my husband insists we must go which I do not feel up to at the moment. I do have friends that do t have children so it may be that I spend time with them as today and the way I am feeling currently has definitely triggered something as I’ve been in tears. Surely I shouldn’t feel this way from seeing friends but today has really upset me. I think it is because we have another set of friends who normally go who don’t have children but they didn’t come today. What would you do if you were me. I feel I need time to heel xx

[Skittles11]

Hi, I completely empathise with your feelings on this and I know that this sort of situation can be triggering. Ive also been through 3 failed ivf's and all of my close friends have toddlers and/ or babies. I don't know if this is a realistic suggestion but could you meet your friends in smaller groups or 1:1? It may be different for you but I've found it easier to cope that way rather than in groups where everyone brings their kids along. Or like the previous poster has said, maybe arranging things when the kids are in bed.

[Tilly8135 in reply to Skittles11]

I’ve really struggled today with meeting this group of friends, they all have toddler boys and they were laughing at them playing together and then there’s me just feeling like the third wheel. I was the only one there without the children. I always have to put a front on but today I’ve really struggled with it. I feel the ivf is hard enough but all of this put together I’m finding tough. I think the group I’ve been in today has definitely triggered something. I think I need to try and have some me time x

[Patches86]

I just wanted to say that I completely understand your sadness, I feel it too. Ive pulled away from many friendships and group situations as it’s just been too hard for me. Double edged sword as not seeing friends is also very tough. Whatever you decide just put yourself first. Sending love x

[Tilly8135 in reply to Patches86]

Hi, thank you so much for your reply. Today has been a hard day, I only spent two hours at our friends but it felt like 10 hours the way I was trying to put on a brave face. I’ve started to wonder if having friends is worth it as I just come away feeling depressed and sad every time x

[RhinoCat]

No you’re not being sensitive . Your heart hurts because you so badly want to be a mum and it hurts so bad looking at everyone else with their several kids moving at a different rhythm. Sending you tight tight hugs, and all I can say is, I know I know I know. This pain is real, but hopefully it won’t always be this way 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

[LuxFleur]

Sending love xoxo

[ashalez]

I'm so sorry you have beeb through this,sending you hugs xxxx

[MammaMia86]

We know what you are going through, it is difficult. I agree with your husband you cannot isolate from everybody. For me I find it easier to see my friends with kids in small groups, so the topic of conversation is not only about kids.

I have a friend, who lost her daughter a few days after birth, and it was very hard for her. When we now talk about that period she says that she wanted people to treat her different for what she went through and I say that in my case I want the opposite, I want people to treat as normal.

I guess we all have different needs on what is going to help me.

This friend now has twins and it is almost the only thing she talks about. So as you can see sometimes people don't realiz that they are hurting us even if they have gone through something similar.

Have you thought about looking of help?like a psychologist? So you are able to cope with all of this emotions

[Flossybubble]

Sending you a hug Tilly 🫂 it's never easy being in that situation, also constantly recieveing baby pics, pregnancy announcements and so on. I feel your pain sister, you're not alone 💔 stay strong xxxx

[Maisie234]

You're not wrong to feel like this. I've gone home in tears many times, mainly when we visit my in laws and they have children, I feel like a third wheel. Xmas is the worst. I've not had one good Xmas for years, I dread the run up. I definitely distance myself from it as much as I can and only do the visits where I absolutely have to. I have to look after my health and when I do get pregnant, obviously that can change. My advice would be to do the same. Or see friends on a one to one, but a room full, is too much. Xx

[RecipIVF]

It is totally normal to feel this way. It’s beyond a sensitive situation, it can be totally heartbreaking and some days are harder than others. Best not to isolate yourself but maybe limit contact to days you feel a bit stronger or see them in smaller groups.

Need to take care of yourself to be strong enough to continue on the fertility journey ❤️

Good luck xx

[Runcaptain]

I have really struggled lately with this exact dilemma. Dealing with the double whammy of miscarriage and infertility has really left me a jealous anxious wreck. I’ve had to take time out from seeing certain friends but this in truth has also upset me. I feel constantly disappointed in how I feel but have been seeing a counsellor who is helping me navigate through these emotions (which she reassures me are all normal).

I guess balancing out FOMO against the reality of how ridiculously hard it is. I have also begun to suffer with anxiety so at the moment avoiding triggers is the more socially acceptable option as I doubt my friends want me 🤢 because of them.

Feelings come and go, and things that hurt today may not be so bad on another day. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing and it certainly doesn’t have to be permanent.

Lean on friends when they can give you the support you need and on days where it is all too much finding your safe space is ok too. X

[NewMom1982]

Awww💕💕🤗🤗🤗! I am so sorry. You know what? It’s gonna happen for you; you just make up your mind that you WILL be a mom soon. Happy BPN next round!!!! We are here for you…

I counsel people for work and I’ll say “take as much time as you need to heal”. This journey is not easy for anyone. But refuse to give up- soon you’ll have your little baby.