Feeling sad and hopeless

[Keepingitquiet]

Not sure what am hoping to achieve out of writing on here, but am just feeling so unbelievably sad.

We had our second FET ON 30th June and got a BFP. My scan day was supposed to be next Monday, but I miscarried on Saturday. All very embarrassing and undignified at a petrol station on the way back home from holiday in Cornwall. Think I feel slightly traumatised by it all.

We had a FET in February and got a positive back then too. Unfortunately whilst the gestational sac was happily growing, the fetus wasn’t and I had to take medication to abort the pregnancy at 8 weeks.

I have two more embryos in the freezer so I am lucky to know I have more options, whether we put one back or maybe both next time I don’t know?

But I guess what is playing on my mind is, is there something genetically wrong with our embryos? The first one didn’t develop, and there must have been something wrong with the second for my body to reject it?

How does genetic testing work? Is this something we should consider or am I just trying to put reason to something that maybe cannot be reasoned?

I just can’t make sense of it all.

[Alwaysbelieving]

I’m so sorry you are going through this, it must be so difficult. I can’t help I’m afraid with the questions you asked but just wanted to reply and send you my love and strength. Not having an explanation is so upsetting and makes it so much harder. Wishing you so much luck and really hope it all works out for you soon x

[Keepingitquiet in reply to Alwaysbelieving]

Thank you xx

[Bistbee]

I’m so sorry for your losses, its just heartbreaking, particularly when you can no longer rely on getting a bfp to believe everything will be fine. We had genetic testing done on our last batch of embryos and we had to have the test done before they were frozen on day 5 so if your embryos are already at blastocyst stage then i’m not sure it’s possible to defrost to test for pgs then refreeze, but that’s just from my experience of how our clinic does things so it might be worth finding out more from your clinic.

The other options would be to investigate whether you have any immune issues that could be hampering the development of the embryo - raised NK cells or thyroid issues or something along those lines - we’ve never had a bfp so are going down the route of treatment for my raised nk cells but I do know that it can also be an issue if you have repeated early miscarriages too.

I have a feeling most clinics might not considered it until you’ve had at least 3 miscarriages however which is totally shit but again maybe another thing to speak to your doctor about. Wishing you the very best of luck with whatever you decide to do next xx

[Keepingitquiet in reply to Bistbee]

Thank you for your reply and for letting me know about the genetic testing. Sounds like it’s too late at this point. I had just seen people on here talking about it and know nothing about it!

I am going for a scan tomorrow to confirm that the pregnancy has gone. Maybe it’s worth doing bloods again, it was about 3 years ago that I had them done I think, when I first went to my GP. Whether they tested NK cells i don’t know but they did do a thyroid test which was fine at the time, although 3 years is a long time…

Argh it’s just such a hard process. Thank you for your words xx

[Jess1981]

I'm so sorry how heartbreaking. I have had 4 miscarriages - a chemical pregnancy before our 2 year old daughter who took us 7 years to conceive, a late loss of our second daughter Amelia at 20 weeks pregnant last November, another pregnancy in January, a loss at 6,5 weeks in March. Once I hit 3 in a row I was referred to a miscarriage specialist. We had most tests done via our daughters full post mortem which showed no cause of death and had a few more blood tests ie blood clotting and thyroid function. All came back clear. I got the specialist to agree to the prednisone that I had had with Francesca and Amelia ( our most successful pregnancies so far) I have raised nk cells and I'm sure these steroids have made a difference to this pregnancy I'm 9 weeks 5 days and have had 2 extra scans due to recurring miscarriages and one at EPU due to spotting all is ok so far. I would see if you can get a referral to a miscarriage specialist- I think it's only 2 losses with ivf ( but check with your CCG) failing that Tommy's take referral from a GP after 2 losses and run many tests including chromosome issues. Also after you've been under a miscarriage specialist you will get more care in next pregnancy 2 extra scans in early pregnancy - I've been lucky to have my miscarriage specialist do all of my antenatal care it's nice to have someone who understands our difficult journey. Having a pregnancy following a miscarriage/s is very difficult good support is imperative. I also want to say that even if you don't find a reason for your losses doesn't mean you can't have a successful pregnancy next time. Xx

[Keepingitquiet in reply to Jess1981]

Thank you so much for your reply and I am so sorry to hear about all of your losses. I don’t know how you got through all of that. So devastating. I really hope this pregnancy goes smoothly for you 🤞🏻.

Your reply has so much info in it, I keep re-reading it -Thank you. I am off for a scan tomorrow to confirm the miscarriage but it has prompted some questions that I guess I may need to ask when I am there.

When do they do scans in early pregnancy? Would they do one before 7 weeks? Xx

[Jess1981 in reply to Keepingitquiet]

Thank you we have our Francesca so we just had to keep going for her it was pretty hard but I believe anything worth having is worth is worth fighting for that's we say about our Francesca who took us 7 years to conceive! . 😬No worries, one at 7 weeks and 9 weeks although I'm scared of scans due to Amelia and other losses have been hugely reassuring . I think most won't do them before 7 weeks as that is when you should definitely be able to see a heartbeat and if you were scanned too early it may cause you more worry. Also you get to be consultant led too ( i automatically became high risk because of Amelia) Sometimes it's a little tweak other times it's just bad luck but that doesn't mean another one couldn't result in a healthy baby. Even women that have several losses do go onto have a healthy baby 🥰I hope today isn't too awful and can bring a way forward for you. 🤞🏻My EPU referred me to the miscarriage specialist after my third loss in a row ( that was what my CCG criteria was) I hope you can get referral and run tests that at the very least can rule things out. The miscarriage specialist said the only treatment that is proven to be successful with recurring miscarriages is heparin for any blood clotting issues. My ex fertility specialist was a firm believer in management of nk cells and it was him that agreed to the prednisone to take from a positive test till 12 weeks ( which I wasn't allowed in my 2 losses that followed Amelia) I'm so sure the steroids have managed to keep this one safer. Could be worth asking if you could try them next time? Some fertility specialists will allow them without testing nk cells. Xx

[Keepingitquiet in reply to Jess1981]

Thank you again for your reply. I am in a bit of shock this afternoon. I went for my scan to confirm the miscarriage and to my disbelief they said that the pregnancy is still there! I don’t know how it could be with the amount of blood and what I thought was pregnancy tissue I lost, they must have been clots. But there was a lot!

My consultant pushed the monitor around so I could see, although I didn’t really want to considering I thought there would be nothing there. And initially there was just black space and suddenly he said, “There it is. Baby’s still there.” I am totally and utterly shocked and of course over the moon. They are going to scan me again in just under 3 weeks, so I guess by then I would be just over 9 weeks. So I have got a bit of hope back and will just cautiously wait until the next scan before I really start to get my hopes up 😊 xx

[Jess1981 in reply to Keepingitquiet]

Oh my goodness I'm so incredibly happy for you. What a wonderful surprise 🥰. I have also bled clots with my 2 year old daughter at 10 weeks expecting the worst and this pregnancy too we had what looked like a very suspicious blood clot but all was ok. Some women do bleed in early pregnancy but have healthy babies, did they find out why you were bleeding? With my daughter and this one they couldn't find a reason but just said some women do have some bleeding in early pregnancy and they don't always know why. Doesn't always mean miscarriage but that is the first thought we have isn't it 😬 I hope all continues to go well and this "blip" is just that Xx

[Keepingitquiet in reply to Jess1981]

Thank you! I am still coming to terms with it I think!! I have a 5 and a half year old and didn’t have any bleeding at all with her. My only experience of spotting/bleeding was earlier this year and it didn’t end well, so of course I just thought the worst. They couldn’t tell me the reason for the bleeding, but just said that some women do bleed in early pregnancy. I am just amazed it is still there with the amount I lost on Saturday. Unbelievable. Going to take it easy over the next few weeks and just hope that this little one keeps clinging on 😊 xx

[Jess1981 in reply to Keepingitquiet]

All my children I've bled with but I still really freak out seeing any blood doesn't make it any easier. I've also had 4 losses including one at 20 weeks so I'm always on edge. I think it's natural to think the worst and any pregnant women would. Thank goodness for scans. When I bled heavily with my son at 7 weeks there was no Epu then and I had to wait until 12 weeks I assumed I'd lost him! It's hugely reassuring they couldn't see it had anything to do with your baby that is the main thing. My mum bled with both me and sister. My sister bled with my nephew and niece. My sister in law bled lots even in second trimester with my nephew. I struggle to know anyone who hasn't had a bit of bleed and had a baby! Al positive stories. I'm sure all will be fine Xx