Fertility Results and not sure how to feel!

[TTC0011]

Hi Everyone,

I found this forum through a google search and not even sure where to start....but I'll try my best for this first post.

My husband and I have been TTC for 18 months now, which I know is not a very long time in the grand scheme of other couples struggles. I've had a number of ovarian operations/abdominal operations for Pelvic Inflammatory Disease and burst cysts, so I always knew that we could struggle to conceive. My doctors knew this so, when we hit the 18 month mark of no conception (which is the minimum length of time in the UK in my NHS region for testing for my age and circumstance), we started to undergo the testing. We both got tested at the same time, my hormone panel was fine, my 21day progesterone was fine, prolactin fine - basically all my basic blood tests were all normal. I'm still in the situation where, although the bloods look OK, there could be longer term damage from the operations. All the way through the testing, I was convinced that the lack of conception was all me, that I had been through too many operations to make my body viable for pregnancy (I know that's not a scientific confirmation, but my specialist previously had warned it could be difficult).

The results came in and my husbands sperm count and sperm motility were very low - we were gobsmacked, hurt, upset, completely shell shocked. Although I don't think he'd ever admit it, I do think he thought due to my history that we would be focusing on my fertility. They gave us an under 2% chance of conceiving naturally - 98% immobility of sperm coupled with a low sperm count. The words of our doctor was "not impossible, but not likely". We opted for a 2nd round of testing, just to be sure (he had done the first testing at home) and did this one at the clinic - the results were improved, but marginally. He was devastated, felt a loss of masculinity, felt it was all him. I was shocked, I only ever expected it to be me. I felt awful at the same time, because a moment of relief that it was both of us and not me

Having now been told our chances of conceiving without IVF/ICSI style treatment is slim to none - I'm in limbo with how I feel. I felt so upset to begin with, couldn't stop crying, then just sad - then onto grief for something I've never had. I felt bad for feeling grief, when I've never had it to justify grieving over. I'm now more sensitive over kids/seeing babies/pregnant women - I find myself wincing, without meaning too. It doesn't help that a close family member is also pregnant so it's in my face quite a lot right now. I'm happy for all these people, but sad for me. Not bitter, just sad.

We're playing the waiting game right now to find out if fertility treatment is an option for us, particularly IVF.

I'm terrified for the future - with all these operations I had, I hate hospitals, hate needles, get scared of treatments because I had such a bad experiences in my previous surgeries etc. I feel like life is in limbo right now, not knowing what 2020 will hold for us and it does really feel like our whole plans focus around this right now. We have another 8 weeks to wait for someone to tell us the next steps and every day feels an uphill struggle.

Any thoughts, advice, own experiences always welcome.

[CAS2]

I'm sorry to hear your news. You can do a lot to improve sperm. A good diet, no more than 14 units of alcohol per week, no smoking or drugs, and a good vitamin regime (like Proxseed, but is a bit expensive). Regular ejaculation helps. Or you can do your own vit regime. We did for my OH as he can't take iron. And basically this was, Vit B, D, Omega 3, Unbiquinol, L'Carnitine, Lycopene, Selenium, zinc and vit C. made a huge difference (normal parameters on the day of donation!). You could look into this and should be able to make a difference within 3 months and request a fresh sample to be done.

Good luck xx

[Purplewitch18 in reply to CAS2]

I totally second this, maca is also very good. Dont give up xx

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear this. My partner has a very low sperm count too. I was totally convinced the problem was me. He has approx 2 million per ml. I was totally devastated when I found out. He doesn’t show much emotion but I think it hit him quite hard too. Supplements can help, we’re waiting to see if his count can improve on them. It takes about 90 days to see a difference.

Our problem is secondary infertility. We have a daughter conceived naturally, it took us years but shows it is possible to conceive with a very low count.

Our consultant always tells us we can conceive naturally but our chances are very low and ivf/icsi just increases the odds each time.

I hope you get some answers soon. Have you had a pelvic ultrasound. It’s normally one of the first steps after being referred to gynae for further investigations and it may give you some more answers and reassurance about you too. Good luck on your journey xx

[looploopy709]

Hello TTCP185

Please don't give up and don't give up trying naturally in the meantime. My partner had a really low count and we managed to improve this with diet, weight loss and vitamins. After this his count was normal but we were still struggling to convince and was given the diagnoses of unexplained infertility. We was meant to start our process of starting our IVF journey in July but I found I was pregnant naturally in the June, which was a shock. It just shows not to give up as it may happen.

I know it's hard I've been through all of those emotions every month and had to avoid pregnant women for what felt an eternity. I find myself hiding my bump now as best I can incase I upset someone as I know the memory of those feelings will never actually leave me.

I wish you the very best in your journey, but please don't give up hope.

My thoughts are with you xx

[TTC0011]

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate this! Nice to have somewhere to go and speak up for help xx