Are Mixed emotions normal?! Not sure how to feel……

[MsLuna]

Hey all,

So quick back story, fertility check in October showed low AMH levels (2.8pmol) and then same weekend my relationship broke down! Wanting to give myself options incase I don’t meet anyone in time!

So yesterday and today I paid my invoices for my IVF round which will start in about 10days. Meds being delivered tomorrow. Final blood tests and treatment plan appt on Monday.

Is it normal to have mixed emotions about it? It’s not just about the money although as I’m single and 37 I’ve had to pay the £7.5k out of my savings! I did cry after I paid it! However am I nuts for doing a round of IVF on my own in the middle of a pandemic!?

From today I’m going to be isolating as much as possible as I really don’t want to catch Covid and have to stop! I just feel very lost, alone and sad.

I even felt bad when choosing a donor to fertilise my eggs with! Blew my mind! Upset me as never imagined I’d be in this situation.

Sorry for my little rant, just would like to know how other people feel right now about treatments especially if you are doing it alone? 😕

[RedFox23]

Hi Luna,

I think it’s perfectly normal to feel super anxious. I’m about to start my first round too and there are constant questions and worries swirling round my head…

Taking steps to do this alone means youre so much braver than you think! I hope you can find someone to confide in that can support you along the way. This group is so supportive and there’s so much knowledge and we will all be with you in spirit!

Take each day as it comes, you’ve got this ✨

Xx

[MsLuna in reply to RedFox23]

I’m glad it’s not just me! It’s so daunting with everything else going on isn’t it?! Are you doing a transfer straight away?

I am freezing mine and will reconnect with them later down the line 😊

I get some counselling sessions included so have one on the 26th. I am lucky to have supportive friends and family but not the same when sat on your own every night! X

[Orla9298]

Hey lovely, I’m not surprised you are having mixed emotions, you’ve gone through a lot over the past few months. However you are doing exactly the right things going straight ahead to IVF and making embryos to make sure that you have the best chance of a future family. You could just make the embryos and freeze them for now and wait a couple of months or more before thinking about transferring them, or is that your plan anyway? I think you’re doing an amazing and brave thing and wish you lots of luck. X

[MsLuna in reply to Orla9298]

Yes to freezing them! I won’t be transferring them anytime soon. Will see where I am in a years time perhaps. We never know what is around the corner. Just want all of the stress of it to go away so I can move forward. Stuck in a rut till I’ve done this really. Thank you for the words of encouragement x

[Orla9298 in reply to MsLuna]

You’re totally doing the right thing keeping your options open! It’s exciting and try to keep focused on that ❤️ xx

[Babytwinkle]

You’re feelings are completely justified and rightly so. ..I'm on my second fresh cycle and not sure if it’s easier or harder emotionally as last time hubby isolated along with me. .. It’s hard isolating because you’re shutting yourself off from everyone and everything to give yourself chances…you are very brace and someone to admire because of this. Remember your aren’t on your own use this forum to ask questions, rant and cry. Take care and fingers crossed 🤞

[MsLuna]

Thank you. I’m always too hard on myself! Habit of a lifetime! I wish you all the best for your current cycle 😊🙏🏼

[Kt8e21]

Hi. I’m in your position.. single at 38 but always wanted children.

I’ve been thinking about doing this for a few years but always put it off. That’s until I met a few women who had done it on their own and felt a bit more confident to do it alone.

Yes it would’ve been nice to find a partner and do it that way but it hasn’t happened for me and I had a long think about it and chats with family/friends and thought that I’d be more upset down the line if I hadn’t given this a go and still hadn’t met anyone.

I’ve just had my donor sperm delivered and hoping to give IUI a go first before moving onto IVF. Choosing a donor blew my mind too.. especially as I think the choice is limited due to the pandemic and then I nearly lost my choice due to the pregnancy slot rule in the UK. Very stressful!

Just know your not alone and think we all feel stressed and daunted but I believe it will be worth it in the end if it happens for us.. even if it doesn’t work for me at least I know I tried.

Good luck with your IVF round!

[MsLuna in reply to Kt8e21]

Thank you so much x

[Emma672]

You are absolutely not nuts! I completely admire you for doing it on your own. I considered it a few years ago but I never had the courage, and perhaps that’s why now at 42 I’ve had to resort to donor eggs (although I’m married now so not doing it alone). You are fabulous and brave and I have everything crossed for you ❤️

[MsLuna in reply to Emma672]

Thank you x

[Positivechangeplease]

You’re definitely not nuts! At 37 there’s definitely something to be said for at least freezing eggs. I went through my 30s not worrying, not even sure about children- definitely sure I only wanted them if I met someone. But not everyone is like me. And I know some ladies who would definitely do it on their own and all the power to you. Only when I was 37 and trying with my partner did I realise it’s not plain sailing, and now at 41 finally pregnant through ivf and in hindsight I think I might have frozen eggs sooner if I’d have known how hard it might be. Are you completing the full ivf with the donation from your ex partner? Is he fully on board with it? Or are you going for donor sperm? If you think you really want to do this on your own then I don’t see what should stop you. ❤️

[Purpledoggy]

I think no matter how you do IVF, there is a rollercoaster of emotions that seem to strike when you may not be expecting it. For me, I was excited that we were getting somewhere with it but when my meds turned up in a big box I just stood in the kitchen staring at them on my own, balling my eyes out, which continued througout the day. It really caught me out as I was not expecting that specific thing to set me off. You are courageous, not nuts, for doing this on your own so make use of all of the support available to you on here and elsewhere. Isolating due to treatment is hard (between treatment and then finally getting my BFP I have been pretty much on lockdown since Nov 2020) but just try to keep your eyes on the prize. I wish you much success xx

[MsLuna in reply to Purpledoggy]

So I did cry when my meds arrived! Been an emotional week! Thank you x

[Purpledoggy in reply to MsLuna]

Hopefully once the dust settles you’ll feel more positive about getting things rolling 😊 xx

[Hope823]

Hi MsLuna. Your biological clock is ticking and you have to think about yourself. You know Natalia Imbruglia was on the news not long ago, she did exactly the same thing like you did. I think with donor or without (e.g. partner's sperm) this process is so emotional. The other option is to freeze your own eggs and wait for yoyr dream man. I was told once there are embryos, they then can be transferred to a healthy woman up until the age of 54.