So very sad today

[kitscat]

I honestly don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have this group to rely on.

I’m feeling so emotional today. I can’t stop crying! I’m on supracur but can’t remember feeling this bad last time. I feel almost suicidal. No one knows what I’m going through apart from my husband.

My parents give very little support. They are verbally sympathetic but they just don’t understand and nor do they try to learn about what I’m going through. They live 30mins from me and around the corner from my brother and they might as well be 200miles away. My brother has children who my mum adores. I don’t have a relationship with them as me and my sister in law fell out. I feel so alone.

I’m over analysing everything and I just can’t stop crying. It’s my nieces 4th birthday today with all her classmates. I think the pain of going is just to much but I worry people what people will say if I don’t go. I’m in such a mess.

Sorry for such a negative message.

Xxxxxxxx

[Italy300618]

You poor thing, sorry to hear you are feeling so sad and down. I am not really surprised you are feeling like this, children's birthdays or anything related can be such a vivid trigger of what you are dealing with. I very much feel the same about my family and my husbands. Yes they are very sympathetic with their words like you say but definitely dont try to understand.

I mentioned to them they should watch making babies doc or one more shot on netflix and of course nobody has. I want them to have an insight into what it is actually like

Nobody sees what goes on at home, sometimes I think you could at least Google it and try and want to understand.

Jusy know you are not alone, and if you dont feel like going today, dont, say you arent feeling to good and look after yourself.

Sending you lots of hugs, you are doing amazingly xx

[kitscat]

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I feel exactly the same. I just don’t understand why my mum wouldn’t google it and try to understand what I am going through. If my daughter was going through anything hard, not just to do with her health but work, relationships I think I would do my uttermost to try and understand. I really don’t get it. It really hurts.my husband loves my mum but feels she is only up for the positives in life. And when you need support she is not very good.

I think I will feel so guilty for not going today but I don’t think anyone would miss me anyway. It’s a huge amount of emotional effort.

Xxxxxxx

[Italy300618 in reply to kitscat]

You've got to put yourself first you're going through a very tough and important time, just focus on you and your husband, everyone else will come around. Good luck with your cycle xx

[Lorita1984]

Please dont feel alone. I know how you feel and only us who are going through this will understand. I send you hugs and courage. Everytime i see a child i cry. Every baby announcement on Fb i unfollow....life is so hard right now... It is so hard. If you wish to chat or talk feel free to msg me xxxxxxxxx

[kitscat in reply to Lorita1984]

Thank you so much. This is so kind. It is so very hard. Wishing you lots of luck xxxxxx

[Hidden]

I was exactly the same as you yesterday - still haven’t moved from my bed, and it’s day 3.

I promise you are not alone ❤️

You have one perfect blastocyst on ice - focus on that. You are also on huge amounts of hormones which alters your mood.

I would scrap the birthday. There is nothing more important than your health. You have to be kind and look after yourself. Always, put yourself first xx

[kitscat in reply to Hidden]

IVF is horrendous. I’m not sleeping because of the hot flushes. I feel so alone and paranoid. It’s like I’m looking in on everyone else enjoying their lives and I’m stuck in quick sand. I’m already feeling distanced from my friends with children. It’s the most isolating think to be going through.

Thank you for your lovely message. I am going to try and be more positive

Xx

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear you feel like this. Your not alone I have felt like that since our transfer failed. My best friend had her baby a few days ago and I can't find the strength to visit them yet.

I have good days and bad days and not sure I have any advise but today we went to the lakes for a long walk with the dog and was the first day I felt slightly normal. I hope you can find something that eases the pain for you. I imagine with time we all learn to cope somehow xx

[PrayingforJKM]

I’m so sorry to hear about you feeling this way. I pray that God gives you the strength and wisdom to continue. In Jesus name Amen 🙏

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry. Seprecur is the worst, I’ve had it 3 x now and each time I have felt worse than the last. It’s important to protect your mental health too and if going to the party is too much then excuse yourself. I am currently particularly triggered by pregnant women/pregnancy talk at the moment..and getting very good at locking myself away, it’s hard but I’m hoping it gets easier it has to! Plus all this could be worth it soon if your cycle is a success which I really hope it is XX

[kitscat in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your message.

What do you do when you lock yourself away? I find I dwell on things and my mood is lower. There is no winning option. I’m just stuck. I feel like I want to sleep until I can have my baby and then life will be ok again. Xxx

[Hidden in reply to kitscat]

Its mainly at work that I lock myself away. I’ve moved from a very busy job on a children’s ward not knowing what or who I might encounter to an office job where I can close the door and be in my little safe place with no people! I believe my new job has saved me and given me a focus I didn’t know I needed. Outside of work I am very lucky to have a daughter, I don’t get so much time to dwell on things but when I do start to it all really hits me hard. I’m sorry I don’t have the answer I just know what a cruel experience it can all be. We have our follow up this week after our most recent loss..it’s hard! X

[LKT1]

Hi Kitscat 👋it’s so hard going through infertility and ivf and most won’t understand your journey. Just remember us ladies and gents on here understand and vent away. The meds can also contribute to low moods so remember that you are on a journey and whilst you are at a dark point right now, if you keep going you’ll find the light at end of the tunnel. I had a friend who was miss positivity and telling me how excited she was that I was having ivf...it drive me crazy as I wanted to scream at her no it’s hard and it’s lonely and it’s terrifying! But I didn’t because I know she meant well and was probably trying to keep me positive.

Try going for a run or a walk in some woods or fields. Fresh air can really help clear your head. Keep socialising or relaxation techniques such as using the ivf mindfulness app or go to yoga etc. I found sitting on my sofa alone the worst thing for me. Other sensory activities like baking and gardening are also good...just don’t eat all the cake yourself as you also wanna eat well and drink loads of water to help you feel physically fit. I also found cutting out all caffeine/alcohol helped with anxiety levels.

Infertility struggles are rarely talked about openly which is why so few people understand. Regarding your nieces 4th birthday I would just be honest with her parents and say you are struggling emotionally with your situation and being around a lot of young children at the moment is just too much. Maybe arrange to visit your niece and give her a gift at another time when it’s less intense?

Hope you find something that calms/focus’ you. Remember we are all going through or have been through it so you are never alone xxx

[kitscat in reply to LKT1]

Thank you, this is a lovely message. Yes, I need to go out in nature a bit more and look after me. I have my baseline scan today so that is prob adding to it all. Xxx

[RhinoCat]

Just protect yourself. Tell them you can’t go because you don’t feel well or go and you might enjoy it?!. Keep reality checking yourself, you feel this way because of medication. Be kind to yourself, this process is hard and very few get it. Try and find one person who you can share with. My best friend doesn’t even ask how I am and doesn’t get it when I tell her stuff, didn’t realise how selfish she was until now, but at same time I can’t expect her to as she doesn’t know any of it. Go for a walk in a park and look at the trees it will lift your heart even if you don’t feel like going. Even ten minutes. Put the radio on and distract yourself. Go organise the hot press or write lists of things you want done etc and start working through it and ticking it off. This feels great as you are in charge of it and can see progress. Watch a movie and wrap up in a blanket with your favourite snacks x you can do this!