Feeling very sad and unlucky

[Elizabeth1988]

I had a early scan yesterday (at 5 weeks & 5 days) and my doctor confirmed I’ve miscarried. I bleed heavily Wednesday night so thought it might be over for us. After my diagnosis of POV last year, getting my head around egg donation, getting a BFP last Monday then for it to end so quickly, just seems so unfair. It Doesn’t help two of my besties are pregnant, both having had it happen very easily, obvious happy for them but feel very unlucky, life can really be unfair. Does anyone recommendations how to manage getting through a miscarriage? I’m not very good with my emotions and usually don’t let things phase me but think I might need to try and give some time to dealing with it all 😢

[Positivemissp]

I'm so sorry about your loss. It's such a horrible thing to go through. I would recommend trying to keep busy and stay away from social media for a little while. I got stuck into decorating, cleaning, gardening, going for long brisk walks. Do anything to take your mind off things for a bit. Sometimes, talking about it can help with the right people. It'll be ok- you will feel better in time. Xx

[Elizabeth1988 in reply to Positivemissp]

Thank you so much for your message. Sorry for your loss too. Very good idea to stay away from social media. We’ve recently moved so I’m doing exactly that, keeping busy with decorating and buying new bits for the house (not worrying about what it costs right now! Haha). Thank you again, time is a healer! xxx

[XOXO13]

I’m so sorry 💔

That feeling of being unlucky I can really relate to, it seems like everyone I know can fall pregnant just by having sex one month, or fall pregnant accidentally. It’s tough.

With my first miscarriage, it hit with really hard as it was a complete surprise to me that I had miscarried (I had a missed-miscarriage). I took some time off work to heal, I started journaling and writing down how I was feeling, I focused on exercising and getting out everyday for a long walk. I ate good good, I took nice spa baths at home and treated myself to new books or special pamper treats like a face mask or new bubble bath for example - things to pick myself up. I also would sit for hours with a jigsaw and a podcast which helped distract my mind.

I’m someone that needs a plan to keep my mind from going stir crazy, so I also made myself a plan and put steps in place to get us to that plan (which for us was further testing that led us down the path of IVF ICSI).

After my chemical pregnancy just a couple of weeks ago, I’ve done all of the above again and it’s helped me cope a little better. Although, I’ve also reached out to speak to someone professionally as I am feeling a little guarded and heavier given the further into my journey I am. Have you ever considered speaking to someone professionally?

Look after yourself, take whatever time you need to grieve 💛 xxx

[Elizabeth1988 in reply to XOXO13]

Ah I’m sorry for your loss too, that sounds so hard. 💔Exactly that, all feels very unfair. Those are all great distraction ideas, thank you. Finding this forum really helps too. A bath is exactly what I’m having tonight. Thank you again for your helpful and lovely message xx

[Londongirl84]

I’m so sorry to read this Elizabeth. Similar happened to me. Had my six week scan and they couldn’t find the sac but I was pregnant as I had HCG in my system. She called it failing pregnancy. It’s so horrible to try so hard to finally get a positive and have it ripped away from you. Really hope you are okay! I am in a similar situation where one of my friend was a month behind me and yesterday she sent me a scan picture and said she’s having a girl. I’m so happy for her but it does sting. Look after yourself! Big hugs! Xx

[Elizabeth1988 in reply to Londongirl84]

I’m so sorry Londongirl84, that’s heartbreaking. I’m the same, my HCG is still high so been in an early pregnancy unit all day today to try and find out if it’s an ectopic pregnancy or not. Don’t even feel like I can grief yet as it’s still unknown what has happened. Sorry to hear you’re hearing pregnancy chat all around you too. Really don’t want to be anything but happy for them but finding it hard. Thank you for your message and look after yourself too xxxx

[Hidden]

Im so sorry. I know how it is to have it snatched away from you while everyone else continues to have a healthy pregnancy. You should take as much time as you need to heal. I hope you have around you. Let them pamper you and just be there for you. You dont need to talk but just lean on someone and go for walk in areas where you dont face people. Take long warm showers and let it all out. Crazy as it seems but try to say good ye to the embryo you caried and had dreamt of. Some ladies then really find peace in planning next steps but you will know when you are ready. Sending love. X

[Elizabeth1988 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your lovely message Mimisami, means a lot. So sorry if this has happened to you too. You’re right I need to look after myself for now and take time to heal. I’m definitely not giving up yet and I think I’ll be the same, I’ll find peace looking forward and planning next steps. Thank you again, take care xxx

[Sumiash]

Oh no i am so sorry for your loss, i am 9dp 5dt and i am bleeding quiet bit and pains like pp and i am so anxious but my nurse advised me to stay calm, bedrest and watch comedy 🎭 so trying but very to avoid. Ps my test date is 27 so she is given me hope of implantation bleeding.

[Elizabeth1988 in reply to Sumiash]

Thank you so much. I’ll keep everything crossed for you Sumiash. There’s a lot of women that bleed and have cramping that go on to have healthy babies so stay positive. Lots of luck for 27th, the waiting is just the worst. Sending you lots of baby dust xxxxx

[Sumiash in reply to Elizabeth1988]

Aww thank you hunxx

[MakingbabyN]

So sorry to hear this Elizabeth1988 i agree with above about staying away from social media. I deactivated my accounts on the day of egg collection in January and I immediately felt calmer. Not seeing others bump, newborn and pregnancy announcement photos has been a lifesaver for me. My best friend is pregnant and so I know how that feels too. It’s so hard. Nobody understands how it feels to go through what we go through. Take some time out for yourself. Since my BFN a few weeks ago I’ve actually enjoyed having a bit more headspace, not worrying every day about symptom spotting and instead feeling like I could live the life I used to pre IVF, it’s helped me relax. Hope you can do the same. Thinking of you xxx

[Nic_o_la_la]

Aww Elizabeth, I’m so sorry to read this 💔 Sounds like you have some good advice from these wonderful ladies and I’d be saying the same. I would just encourage you to take time to work through your feelings and heal. Mine was only a BFN but it’s hit me harder than I expected and found being at work this week really tough. I thought it would distract me from my brain and thoughts but instead I was too distracted from work! I’ve enjoyed some walks in the sun and being in the garden though and listening to a funny podcast xx