I'm 6dp5dt and I know I'm out again this cycle. I feel utterly sick, anxious and depressed every morning I wake. Starting to think I need to use my one free counselling session with my clinic.
I thought prior to cycle 2 that this could be the one but how wrong can one person be. I know we're all going through a tough time on here and I'm sorry to keep posting doom and gloom posts but here is my safe place to share my inner fears. I knew cycle 1 it had failed and I know now too. I just feel like I know my body. The 2ww is utter torture. Wouldn't wish this on anyone.
I'm so scared it's too late for me at nearly 39. I fear time is running out. Despite all my fab test results, naturally high amh, really good embryos, I respond well to mild meds. All my treatments have been seemless. I'm scared despite what the clinic says, there's something wrong with me. Why don't my good embryos stick??? I'm dreading having to wait until January to start again. I feel so distressed by it all. Going to ring the clinic tomorrow x
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Jessy1280
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My OTD isn't until 10th November my clinic make you test 2 weeks after 5dt. I just know my body and know deep down its failed again. I'm just repeating cycle 1. Zero symptoms, same grade embryo. I just know I'm 100% not pregnant and I can't believe I'm going to have to go through this all again in January x
My heart goes out to you, I too know my body well and I had similar distress to you with my last fail when I just KNEW it hadn’t worked.
That said, I’ve been pregnant 4 times which all failed, and I think one of them I just didn’t know I was pregnant, as in no symptoms. I can usually feel implantation and get immediate insomnia from 4am as soon as I get pregnant, but once I was genuinely surprised so please don’t completely lose hope, maybe wait another 3 or 4 of days?
It’s a good idea to use the counselling, and to consider more. I got granted 6 nhs sessions and they haven’t helped massively, but give me a space to say things out loud and to organise my thoughts.
I’ve since used a clinic in Greece to do some more in depth testing on my fails and early losses. If I think it’s useful I’ll let you know xx
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'll be utterly flabbergasted if it's worked next Sunday. I know few women get few symptoms but I'm not feeling hopeful. Ivf is such a tough journey. Not once have I been pregnant and I'm nearly 39 x
Ivf is vile, I agree. I’ve been so desperate at some points to just lock myself up in my bedroom and refuse to get out of bed or go to work, but we find the strength to carry on.
I feel your pain, I’m only pregnant now for the first time at 39 and felt so distraught after each good embryo failed to implant. It’s hard to ever know what the issue is and the more you know the less you seem to know!! Is it implantation issues? Abnormal embryos? Progesterone not enough? Killer cells? Or just luck! I believe you have to keep trying and testing things out with each transfer and keep reminding yourself that ivf does take time and several attempts for loads of people - you gave to get the right embryo with the right conditions. Science can get you so far but it’s nature and luck that does the rest. I’m hoping and praying it’s your time xxx
Sometimes people have no symptoms at all stay strong u are just scared because u always always come across negativity in your journey. If you had a good embryo and endo scratch I believe it has worked. X
I had it five times so don’t think I needed the scratch so won’t bother with it if I go through ivf again , but it’s good you’re trying different things as it could be the turning point for you xxx
Personally, I think I've got an implantation problem but getting my clinic to investigate is another thing. As I have zero medical/gynae problems they say it's just a matter of getting the right embryo but I'm not convinced. I feel like I'm wasting good embryos. I also like you think I have a progesterone problem but my clinic dont do prontogest anymore 😔. Sometimes feels like I'm banging my head against a brick wall with them x
No they fobbed me off last time saying if I had the test it would only prove that I'd ovulated and that they wouldn't have treated me any differently. The only time I've had it checked was the 21 day test with the GP. Mine level was 32 .gp said It only needed to be over 28. I still think 32 is pretty lowx
I think I'll insist even if it means having it done now when Ive stopped meds and again when I have next transfer. I've only had medicated transfers so I'm deliberating having a natural ET next time. Only thing is I can get digital opk to give a peak reading but never with the cheapy tests and I'm scared I'd miss the window to transfer x
Do you know how high progesterone needs to be? I thought it had to be over 50 but I've read loads of people saying theirs was 200 or 400. Had mine tested yesterday and it was 81. My clinic think this is fine but I'm starting to worry now x
....and another thing!!! What you’re feeling via completely sane and normal and typical - you are not alone - I’ve been there several times and feel your pain. It’s good that you are using this place as an outlet xxxx and I do think talking to your clinic about counselling is a good idea, I never took it up but I think I should have as I did have some dark times xxx
Thanks scarlett. I think I want to seek help as I don't think I've coped for some time. I cry literally all the time which isn't normal. I know I'm out this cycle... Tmi when using the pessaries I know my cervix is getting lower day by day. Af is on the way x
Zero except this site. Oh is not supportive as he has 2 kids, my friends have pretty much abandoned me as they're all married with kids and my mum tries her best but says there's nothing else she can say on the matter x
What about opening up to colleagues? It’s so hard for people to understand ivf isn’t it. But you’ve got support in here for sure!!! I found my friends with kids all incredibly supportive despite not having done ivf. Have you told them what it’s like and how you’re feeling? X
My friend transferred 9 embryos. Then, at 42 she transferred her last embryo - and it worked. She now has a little boy. The message is, don’t give up. I really believe it is a numbers game. Thinking of you ❤️
Hope you are okay I’ve been like this recently. Feeling really low all the time. My oh is sick of me I think lol xxxx
You are not alone x
I have been there...and still have days/weeks/months like that. Panic attacks, feeling totally helpless and isolated.
All I can say is to try and take it day-by-day. Feel what you need to feel - this is a process, a very painful one. Reach out to people you love and trust when you can.
I just feel so distressed by it all. I've organised counselling for tomorrow. Not saying it's going to help. I'm convinced there's something wrong with me which is why it's Always fails x
You know, to feel that "something's wrong with me" is such a normal reaction to IVF failures. I was there myself for a couple of years. We started out believing it was my hubby who had the problem, but after one failure after the other, it seemed like I had as much of a problem as he had... I started to believe that our genes were not compatible, that we could never have babies together... And at my sixth ET I remember being devastated, feeling AF coming any moment, complaining to my husband that it was all over - again... Three days later I had still not seen AF and tested positive. That's about 7 weeks ago now, and I just entered my 13th week of pregnancy! Hoping my story can bring hope! It can happen even if you fail in the first rounds ❤❤❤
Take your time to be in the sorrow and pain, but don't allow yourself to stay there forever almost worshipping the dark feelings. Try to find one positive thing about life every day. Go doing things you two together that you couldn't do if you had kids. After all, the ivf failures makes us go back to what we know. It's the change _not_ coming... Still painful when that change is all you long for. But it's not heading into the unknown. Thinking that way has helped me a lot through the last two years - and five failures. (And now that the so longed for change is finally coming, I'm quite scared... 🙊)
I'm finding it extremely difficult. I know it's Failed as tmi I'm finding the pessaries won't go in as high as they were initially. It means af is on the way.
The clinic keep saying there's no reason to believe its failed yet as loads of women don't have symptoms but I don't accept that. I know it's Failed again 😢 x
Reading your posts is like reading my own thoughts 😔 im in the exact same boat as you, 0 symptoms. People keep saying i’m now out but i know that i am xx
Hi Jessy - I hope you prove yourself wrong 🤞🏼This is all very difficult. So good to hear that you are having counciling. It can be really helpful as they are specialists in this area. Sending you positive vibes xxx
So sorry to read this, the 2ww is horrible. I’d defo take the clinic up on the counselling, not sure how much it’s helped me but defo having somewhere to voice your thoughts without worrying about the other person’s problems I think was helpful. I have seen plenty of women on here with no symptoms but I appreciate you know your own body but will pray for a miracle for you. I am also 6dp5dt and no symptoms it’s the one time you wish you had sickness 😂 xx
Hey there. So sorry to read about your pain. I really hope things are different for you this time and you get your BFP. Either way....I hope you find the strength to continue on your journey xxx
I completely empathise. I am 42 and had a failed second cycle last March - Chemical pregnancy 1st cycle - Dreading turning 43...but I also don't want to give up hope. There are so many success stories at all sorts of ages, so you just have to believe you could be one of them xxx
It's heartbreaking isn't it. I saw a counsellor today I've been so low crying every day, all day. It's frustrating because I've never once had any kind of sniff of pregnancy x
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PGT Results are back - Feeling so broken and devastated 
Feeling very depressed
Feeling sad and hopeless
Feeling like a total wimp
feeling disappointed 😢 
