Over the hill, over any hope but not over the emotional distress

it's been lovely these last few days of lots of positive stories but I myself am losing any hope. Since my 3rd miscarriage at 13 wks I've gone through every emotion possible. We had a follow up appt in July where I felt the aftercare was shocking. After a 2.5 hr wait to see the consultant the only outcome was to be referred for a thrombophilia test (which came back fine) and chromsome abnormality blood test from which the results can take 8-10 wks. The consultant asked me if I'd read up on what might have gone wrong (as if I haven't - I've googled everything on the planet!) I said I'd read about NK cells. She said she wasn't the best person to ask and is referring me to a colleague in another hospital. Due to clinic cancellations due to the hol period this may not be til Oct. Don't get me wrong everyone deserves a hol but what happened to covering for absent colleagues like you have to do in most jobs. After all, this is peoples' lives. At 41 time is not on my side and I just feel totally let down by the whole system. Friends will always tell me they know someone who knows someone who had a baby at 40 plus or had failed IVF then got pregnant naturally and it can happen which I know but for every woman it has happened for there are thousands of others for whom it hasn't. Some days I feel strong and willing to face a life without children but other days (like today) I just feel like I could cry forever. Thanks for reading if you've got this far. Xx

27 Replies

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  • I love you! It's hard. I know. Xxxx

  • Sending lots of hugs! Xxx

  • Thinking of you. It's such a tough and hard journey. I know we say it a lot but no one knows just how hard it is unless they are going through it xx

  • Thinking of you,quote!!" don't give up on something you can't go a day thinking about" you still have plenty time on your side, you can do it ๐Ÿคžโค๏ธ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹

  • Hey

    Hang in there.

    I've tried for 5 years

    Did 4 failed ivfs

    I'm 40 in a month and currently pregnant

    I have had 2 natural miscarriages one in October (discovered I was pregnant 2 days before ec_ Ivf killed my baby ๐Ÿ’”) and again in April.

    I'm currently 7 weeks, scan on Monday and terrified.

    My amh was set at a 45 year olds.

    What you're looking for is a miracle.... They can happen.

    Sending you a massive hug.

  • thank you ๐Ÿ˜Š That gives me hope. Best of luck with the months ahead and you get your happy ending you truly deserve after everything you've been through xx

  • Just sending you hugs. It's such a hard and painful and slow journey. You've been through so much and it's rubbish to have to wait. You are bound to have bad days. Hopefully this person you've been referred to will be just the right person and will have some answers and solutions. Please don't give up hope (even if you do just for today) but do grieve and allow yourself to feel how you feel. Xxxx

  • thank you. Hopefully October will bring some positive news. Thank you for the message and support. I don't know where I'd be without this site xx

  • Sorry to read this it is truly heartbreaking xxx

  • So sorry to read this, is really is the cruelest journey. Have you been in contact with Tommy's? I contacted them after I miscarried as I know they have research centres which can offer advise and support especially for women who have miscarried more than once. Thinking of you xx

  • thank you. I haven't but I'll look into it. I was never offered any NHS counselling xx

  • That's awful, didn't your clinic offer you counselling? Your entitled to it xx

  • it was only ever mentioned at the information evening ๐Ÿ˜ž But then not offered when the time came

  • Sorry you've been so unsupported, could you ask them about speaking to a counsellor or would your GP refer you to one? X

  • It's so bloody tough, my thoughts are with you xx Your clinic should offer you follow up counselling, it might just help ease the pain a little xxx

  • So sorry to hear how you are feeling and I am incredibly sorry for your losses.

    How does the saying go... 'life is tough my dear, but you are tougher'. Stay strong. We are all behind you. X

  • Hi Louise. I'm so so sorry to read about your losses. No one can begin to comprehend how you must be feeling, sending lots of love. Poor aftercare or lack of support from healthcare professionals just exacerbate the stress and emotional toll of this whole journey. Hoping there are brighter times ahead for you x x x

  • thank you so much. There's no doubt it's tough and I admire people who go through it more than once such as yourself - pure strength. Here's hoping! Best wishes to you for this round and hope all goes well xx

  • Oh I'm sending you a big hug. Xxx

  • Oh Hun I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. I'm like you in that some days are ok and I can see the positives and other days it just feels so impossible. I think this is the time when we are grieving. At least this is what I tell myself. I'm sending you a big fat hug filled with arms that tell you that I do know how you feel and it totally sucks. Let me know if you want to rant and just let your it's not fair self out. I let mine out a couple of times in the last two weeks which really helped. We need to feel it to deal with it I say. xxx

  • thank you so much. It's so unfair what we have to go through and so many stories of sadness but also huge strength too. Your kind words mean a lot. It's so comforting we are here for each other xx

  • Oh Louise sorry to hear you're so down, remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and you must still hold onto hope for a miracle, they can happen. Please look into the counselling mine did help, sending you a hug tonight, Sam xx

  • God sees your tears, and he hears your cries and prayers. I don't believe he gives us the desire and won't fulfill it. He is so good and faithful, I am praying your strength and courage to not give up. He can do it for you.

  • So sorry to read about your tough journey ๐Ÿ˜“We are all different ages, shapes and sizes with different stories of heartache but we all long for the same thing... sometimes we feel like giving up l, the emotional strain takes its toll but it's almost impossible to give up on your dreams! Please don't give up โค๏ธ Have they discussed or suggested baby aspirin to you? My friend who is 42 is 30 weeks pregnant and another friend who is the same age is 27 weeks pregnant, in fact I know of a few women who have had success in their 40's, so there is still hope, especially if you can get as far as 13 weeks xx I wish you all the luck in the world, becoming a mummy has been the darkest yet brightest time of my life, I understand the despair you feel but if you can pick yourself up and keep going.. do because you have every chance of becoming a mummy xx

  • thank you for your kind words. No one has mentioned baby aspirin but is it not something to do with blood and clotting as my thrombopholia blood test came back ok xx

  • You have had such a hard time of it and it is so hard to stay positive, but if you can persevere, do. The reward is great and you have the strength to keep fighting, even though it may not always feel that way. Remember what the indomitable Winston Churchill said: when you are going through hell, keep going!!! Wishing you all the best xx

  • I'm 41 and got pregnant completely naturally without even trying. Sadly miscarried a few months ago. I don't think it's game over or women in their 40s don't conceive. In fact, I think there is a lot of mis information about fertility and a lot of scaremongering. I'm trying again, hopefully will be lucky. There are things you can do naturally to improve egg quality and well worth a try for the over 40s. I'm not giving up, and I don't think IVF is always the answer just because of age. In fact most older mums have success naturally, or so I've heard.

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