Feeling 💔: I write this with a heavy... - Fertility Network UK

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Feeling 💔

Sammy246
Sammy246

I write this with a heavy heart and apologise to put a damper.

I had my second scan on Tuesday with the NHS. Unfortunately I was told that there was no heartbeat and my angel was measuring at 7 weeks. I was suppose to be 9 weeks pregnant today. I had two 5 day blastocyst transferred on 28 January 2020.

As I had another scan booked with my clinic on Wednesday. My husband said to go ahead with the scan and hopefully they would be able to see a heartbeat. I was told that it was a missed miscarriage and to arrange medical treatment for the miscarriage.

I have to go to my local hospital tomorrow morning for medical management. To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement. I've been going through everything to see where I went wrong or what I could have done different. Was it the cups of tea I drank or the fizzy pop? Even though I made sure I didnt go over the recommended caffeine. Was it my egg quality but I had 2 good grade embryos which were transferred.

I know I shouldn't be ungrateful. Because even spending these 7 weeks knowing I had my angel growing inside me was a blessing. But I do think if it was a Bfn maybe the pain would have been less. I wouldn't have dreamed about holding my baby.

My clinic has made an appointment for me to discuss my miscarriage and the next step in 6 weeks time.

We dont have any more frozen embryos so we would be going through the IVF cycle again. If we want a baby. But atm I'm just feeling so lost and heartbroken to think about the next step.

I know many women have been through miscarriages. What helped you to ease the pain?

I'm grateful for all your help xx

79 Replies
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Sammy I am so sorry to hear this reading these words breaks my heart for you. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. Sending my thoughts and all positive strength to you right now xx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to amandac84

Thank you. I just cant stop crying. I was so close yet so far xx

So sorry to hear this Sammy, big big hugs to you hun. There is nothing at all that you have done wrong or could have done differently to result in a different outcome so please don't blame yourself. We had a missed miscarriage in Dec/Jan and chose medical management. Here if you want to chat or have any Qs. For now don't make any decisions about what to do in the future or try to think too far ahead and just take it a day at a time. It's so horrible going through this but time to rest and process things, alone and together, helps somewhat as does time. Lots of love to you xxx we are all here for you too x

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Lots8788

Thank you so much. Knowing I will be parting with my angel tomorrow is killing me inside. I know there's no heartbeat but it's a comfort knowing its stil inside me. I know that might sound crazy xx

Lots8788
Lots8788
in reply to Sammy246

Doesn't sound crazy at all hun and I completely understand what you mean. Will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending lots of love and hugs xx hope you have lots of support at home too x

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Lots8788

Thank you and I'm sorry about your loss. I dont know if it gets easier but i know the void will always be there. My husband is supportive but wont speak about his feelings. I know his hurting and I guess that's the way he manages his pain. My mum and sibling want me to take comfort that one of the embryo had stuck xx

Lots8788
Lots8788
in reply to Sammy246

Thank you. That's what our clinic kept saying to us,that it was great that we did in fact get pregnant, which was kind of helpful more so as time went on and I got my head around the miscarriage. Take some time for you and there is no right or wrong way to feel and no deadlines to feel ok by (i think I tried to rush the grieving process which didn't really help!) Xx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Lots8788

I turned 40 in December and had started the ivf just after my 39 birthday. So atm I just dont know what to do or what to think. Life feels so unfair right now xx

Lots8788
Lots8788
in reply to Sammy246

Ah bless you hun, it so does and this whole journey can be so cruel. One day at a time hun xx lots of love x

I’m so sorry to read this lovely. My hearts breaks reading this.I had a missed miscarriage last year. It’s absolutely heart breaking. But you need to know this. You did nothing wrong. Your baby only ever felt love from you.

Just take all the time you need, let yourself grieve and don’t be rushed into trying again only do it when you’re ready. You’ll know when that is.

Xxx

Thank you and I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I turned 40 in December so I feel like time is not on my side too xx

Im so sorry Sammy.. and if you dont mind here a word from a sister. you will stop crying knowing you and your little one will meet (again) one day. .

But For now its ok to cry. Its ok to reflect what you did. This all will make us stronger and for that we thank our little embryos that made their mommies try to live the best/ healthiest they could. Praying for all of us ❤️ hug x

Thank you for your comforting words . God willing I can't wait to reunite with my baby. Praying for all in this emotionally challenging journey xx

Hope your ok b kind to urself x

Thank you strong girl. For checking up on me. I just need to take small steps xx

I was pretty devastated and broken after having a negative for first round of IVF. I decided to try be positive and start doing things I enjoyed! I've started up running again, booked in for reflexology and started mindfulness. Trying to look to the future ♡ try not to dwell on what could have went wrong, keep positive ♡ xxx

I'm so sorry to hear about your negative. I've never looked into reflexology. I did have acupuncture done prior to my ivf but not during or after I had got pregnant. Xx

I didn't feel very relaxed after the accupuncture so looked into something else. Xxx

I am so so sorry to hear this - I had a MMC in August after hearing / seeing their heart beats 2 weeks earlier. It’s devastating and no one prepares you for those words. As others have said it’s nothing at all that you have done. Look after yourself, be kind to yourself and let yourself cry and try to process all you’re feeling. It’s true time is a great healer but it won’t feel like that right now. Always here if you want to chat hun, thinking of you xxx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Libsie3103

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Like you we saw the heartbeat a week before at the clinic eventhough they did warn us thsy it could go 50/50 due to the enlarged yolk sac. The nurse kept saying theres a strong heartbeat and I kept into this hope. On the day of the scan I wasnt expecting those horrible words because I had my pregnancy symptoms . I felt so confused and my husband was like the nhs machines are older so let's go with the clinic to get another opinion. I hope this pain gets easier xx

Libsie3103
Libsie3103
in reply to Sammy246

It’s awful - we were told the same as you about one of the twins but the other one was “perfect”. They told us to prepare ourselves for loosing one but nothing prepared us for those words and for neither baby to have a heartbeat. It does get easier, I can promise you that. I didn’t think it would and I had days when I wouldn’t get out of bed and life was pretty dark. The twins were due on 25th March so this month is difficult but not as painful and raw as when it happened. You will get there I promise. And it will always be your baby and you’ll always have a place in your heart for them and sadly feel like a piece of you is missing. Talk to your partner and to others if you can. All to often miscarriage isn’t talked about and that’s not helpful. I’m always here if you want to PM me xxx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Libsie3103

I felt gutted that one of my embryo hadn't stuck as they were 2 grade A embryos but knowing the other did we were over the moon. I can imagine the pain you went through after being told that neither babies has a heartbeat. 💔 Once we see that bfp that dream about holding the baby seems more real and you never prepare yourself for a miscarriage. Eventhough you might prepare yourself for a bfn or not enough egg or blastocyst etc but never a miscarriage xx

I’m so sorry, that you have had to experience that and go through such a devastating experience. I wish I could say something to help you, I feel quite useless but I am sending you all the love and good wishes in the world to help you through this sad time. It’s ok to feel lost, heartbroken and unsure, let yourself go through everything you need to, you ll know if you’re ready to try again

X

Thank you lisa, i just want to shout and scream that it's all unfair. Im dreading to go to the hospital today xx

Well I am thinking of you, and we are always here x

So sorry you are going through this ordeal, just wanted to send you love ❤️❤️ xx

Thank you purple piggie xx

😘😘

So so sorry to hear this Sammy, I can’t imagine how devastating it was for you yesterday and then going through what you are now. Hopefully this group will fetch you done comfort, don’t blame yourself, nature can be so cruel, thinking of you and sending you hugs xx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Luna_79

Thank you Luna for your kind words xx

I’m so sorry for your loss. As someone who has had 6 miscarriages all I can say is let it out, cry and grieve properly. Give yourself time to unwind and heal yourself. Here if you need to pm me xxx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Corchi

I'm so so sorry to hear about your losses. I can imagine the pain and hurt you would be going through each time. Sending you loads of love and hugs xx

Corchi
Corchi
in reply to Sammy246

It’s the most painful and I totally feel your pain. Breathe breathe breathe ...

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Corchi

Thank you and good luck for the 23.3.20. I pray this baby sticks and grows full term for you 🙏🙏xx

Corchi
Corchi
in reply to Sammy246

Thank you 🙏🏼

Corchi
Corchi
in reply to Sammy246

You too I wish you all the best and more

I sorry sorry this has happened to you. Your story was exactly my story, I had my only two embryos transferred on day 2 after my first cycle. At my first scan at 6,5 weeks there was a heartbeat but measurements were small, and a second scan a week later showed the heartbeat was gone. My IVF doctor recommended if I could emotionally cope letting things happen naturally, and I wanted to try and do this. 10 days later I passed everything and it was’t too bad at all.

The only thing that helps is time, because with time comes back the hope of continuing and being able to conceive again. I joined my local Fertility Network UK and met with other women who too had lost their babies in different ways.

Your clinic will see it as a positive that you conceived in your first cycle, as mine did. And I guess there is truth in this.

Sending you a supportive hug, I hope your medical treatment goes as well as it can. Take time to grieve as tiny need to, things will feel better cover the weeks ahead 💗

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to MontsJ

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and thank you for your comforting words. I wasn't sure which way to go from here but my consultant at the clinic recommended the medical treatment. Normally for all my ivf appointments I would read up so I knew exactly what was happening what questions to ask etc. But today I am clueless as to what to expect. I didnt read up on this medical management and I dont want to either. I know they say times a great healer but atm I feel like everything has stopped xx

MontsJ
MontsJ
in reply to Sammy246

I’m here are pros and cons to all the options don’t worry. I had to wait for everything to start not knowing when it would, and this wait was hard. Hope you get on ok x

Sending you all the love and the biggest hug. Exactly the same happened to me just before Christmas. There are no words to even describe the pain you are feeling. I felt so numb. All I can say is time is a great healer and us ivf women are stronger than most so you will get through this. Although at the time I didn’t want to hear it- you came so far and got pregnant and had your darling angel for 7 weeks, that is the best sign that ivf worked. Going through it all again seems so daunting because I’m right there with you sister! But anything worth having is worth fighting and waiting for 💕 give you and your partner time to grieve and give your body a break. Our bodies get battered through the whole process so take some time for yourself and when your ready grab the next round by the bloody horns and smash it again.

There was nothing that you could have done differently, life sometimes is just so bloody cruel. Loosing a baby at any stage is horrendous but when it’s an ivf baby it is so traumatic because we can’t just ‘try again’. But honestly you will come out the other side, you will never forget or feel less pain but one day it won’t consume your whole world like it is today.

I cried, cried and cried even more until I thought I had no tears left- and then cried abit more! It won’t change it but it might help with the pain.

💜💙❤️🧡💛💚

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Dollhousex

It feels more cruel to lose a ivf baby. This was the first time in 4 years we saw a bfp. I had thrown the intial test in the bathroom bin as I didnt want to jinx myself as I had tested early but later when I went to take it out and look at it again it wasnt in the bin. I asked my husband and he said he had taken it out and had hid it and didn't want to throw it away. I feel so guilty that my body couldnt help my baby grow. Life feels so crap atm xx

Hi, sorry to hear you’re going through this. I’m actually in a very similar position, BFP, 7 week scan yesterday no heartbeat and measuring smaller than they would usually see at this stage. Have been told it’s highly likely miscarriage but now have to wait another week to confirm with a further scan 🙈 apparently it just happens sometimes in IVF pregnancies and is usually due to the dna of the embryo, nothing that can be done about it and not something they can pick up before transfer.

It feels horrible and unfair...we’re gutted but also trying to think positively, having an embryo implant and get to this stage is a good sign for the future we think although it can be hard to think that way whilst still processing the shock at this point. Hope all goes well for you at your appointment. Wishing you peace xx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Blue_music

Im so sorry to hear about your scan . For us the 24 hours for our second scan were a torture but making you wait another 7 days is cruel. Will be praying and thinking of you xx

Oh my love. So so sorry to hear this. I went through this last year and it was the worst thing I've been through in my life. Nothing really helped ease the pain (except for time, and actually I still get upset about it), but leaning on my family and friends and involving them in our grief gave us support and some comfort.

It's all completely unfair and nothing you did wrong and nature can just be really really cruel. Sending lots of love and hugs and thinking of you at this awful time. xxxx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to ttcemmie

Im so sorry to hear about your scan . As at the nhs scan there was 2 nurses present they told me that they could confirm that it was a miscarriage but my husband and my family asked me to get a second opinion. Those 24 hours were a torture but making you wait another 7 days is cruel. My clinic did say they can do some testing of the embryos but it could cost around £2k. But she said will discuss all this in our appointment in 6 weeks and just to deal with the emotions. Will be praying and thinking of you xx

ttcemmie
ttcemmie
in reply to Sammy246

Can totally understand getting a second opinion. Apart from the 2 nurses there at the time we didn't - but then we'd had numerous scans previously and I could see our baby wasn't moving and just knew. Don't worry about the next steps right now (unless that helps) - you can discuss these at your appointment in 6 weeks. Focus on just getting through this part. xxxx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to ttcemmie

Atm I cant think of going through this again and I said to my husband I'm not sure I want to continue with IVF but I know I'm in pain atm . Hoping time is a great healer and I can make a better informed decision later xx

ttcemmie
ttcemmie
in reply to Sammy246

Oh yes, don't make any big decisions right now. I could barely keep on top of tidying nevermind thinking I would be able to go through IVF again. xxxxx

I’m so sorry to read this, I have been in this exact position at 9 1/2 weeks

It’s such a cliche but you need time. It’s so so hard and the coming weeks will be so lonely and difficult at times as you grieve for your baby and all the hope and plans you had. But gradually it does get easier, I had some counselling and tried to remember the person I was before this TTC started, I needed a break to find myself and my relationship again. It took me quite a long time but I had quite a prolonged saga with failed surgery etc. But I promise the dark days do pass and things do return to normal. Sending you so much love xx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Daisy1245

Thank you and I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I know as a person I've changed so much. My life for the last 4 years has been about getting a bfp. Changing my diet, lifestyle and I finally thought I can relax now xx

Im so sorry to hear your update, its so sad that you are having to go through this! Lots of love and hugs.xx

Thank you hun xx

Im so so sorry for your loss, its an awful thing for anyone to go through. I just wanted to say please dont blame yourself for drinking tea etc.. it makes no difference whatso ever. I know there are women on here who are told it does but i have never been told that by any one ive seen personally, and i have a healthy 5 year old daughter who i conveived easily and never changed my diet at all. Now needing ivf for number 2, ive been caffeine free, i still drink tea just no caffeine, and i eat a lot healthier than i used to and just had a chemical pregnancy last week from my second ivf cycle. So in theory my second cycle should have been the better one. Sometimes we never find out the reason why we misscarry, sometimes tests are done and we do, but please, please do not blame yourself. Big hugs to you xxx

Thank you for your kind words and I'm so sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy. The nurse last week said that it could be my egg quality but when I had questioned her about how they grade an embryo 4AA in that case. She didnt say much.But the consultant at this week scan said that it wasnt my egg quality and it's just one of thoese things. 20% of the pregnancy end up in miscarriage. Life feels so cruel at the moment xx

That is true, most of us suffer at least 1 in our lives. Ive had 2 that i knew about, i suspect ive had others that i lost shortly after implantation just like i have this time, but just thought it was a bad period as i didnt test those times. All we can do is look at our options to try and prevent it happening again. Im on dhea now and nac which are supposed to help. It is so cruel, make sure you take time to process whats happened and give yourself time to grieve xxx

Can you get dhea in the uk? I've not heard about nac before?

Good luck with your next cycle xx

Yes from biovea uk, its through the uk site but they deliver it direct from the states. Thankyou, it wont be untill the summer, i want to enjoy life for a while. Look it up and nac. I was on nac for both my cycles but not dhea, started it yesterday and my clinic recomended it as im 40 now xx

Hi I am so sorry to hear this. You have done nothing wrong. Take time to heal and send you lots of healing vibes. X

I'm so deeply sorry 😪

Thank you dream baby xx

I’m so sorry to hear this- life can be so cruel. I know the pain after a mmc myself in Aug 2018. Please don’t blame yourself. I’m now happily 33 weeks pregnant after more IVF, but will never forget our first angel. When people ask if this will be my first baby I want to shout no! Sending you strength to get through the difficult time ahead, but take comfort that this baby was a sign the future looks positive for you 💕💕 xx

Thank you and good luck with your pregnancy. Not too long to go until you hold your little munchkin xx

Thank you honey. Don’t give up hope 🙏🏻🌈 xx

Hi Sammy

I’m so, so sorry and sad to read this. I know exactly how devastating it must feel for you and your husband. My husband and I went through exactly the same thing last January.

In terms of the pain easing for you it will take time but it will get easier eventually. There will be times when the thought that you won’t be holding that particular little baby in a few months time will really hurt. For example, I couldn’t get the due date out of my mind. At times like that talk to your husband and anyone else who you feel you can share with and have a good cry to let it all out.

But in the end I lent heavily on the words of a work colleague who went through 7 cycles before she had her son. She told me we simply have to be bloody minded when it comes to this process. Stay focused on the end goal and what we want ultimately.

I know it’s hard but you will get there .

Love, hugs and prayers ❤️🤗🙏🏽

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Fifikoko

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It just feels so cruel and knowing I'll never be able to carry this baby to full term is so painful xx

Fifikoko
Fifikoko
in reply to Sammy246

I know hon and I know nothing anyone says can take the pain away right now. Only time can do that but I promise it will get easier eventually xxx

I’m so so sorry. This broke my heart. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling but I do know what it feels like to be 40 and on this cruel journey. Sending you big hugs and lots of love xx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Janop79

Thank you Janop. It is such an emotionally draining journey xx

Janop79
Janop79
in reply to Sammy246

It really is! It makes no sense at all. Sometimes it can really bring me down. I just hope and pray that you and I and so many others get our happy ending xx

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Janop79

I really pray so 🙏🙏 xx

Sending you lots of hugs. My story is exactly the same as I'm also 9 weeks today. I'm at the clinic right now for my third scan after which I will either opt for medical abortion or allow it to occur naturally. It's really devastating .

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Arianda

I'm so sorry to read this and really dont know what comforting words to say to you.

But we will get through this difficult time. Sending you love and hugs xxx

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. Life and this journey can be so cruel. Please be kind to yourself and look after each other.

Sammy246
Sammy246
in reply to Genabella

Thank you and good luck with your transfer on Saturday xx

Thank you x

Can't imagine what you're going through...so difficult to hear. You probably did everything right so don't worry about the fizzy pop or caffeine. Take each day as it comes don't think about next steps or anything...please don't lose hope when you're ready you'll know your next steps xxx

Just wanted to stay I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine what you are going through! Take care of yourself xx

Sammy246, I'm so sorry to hear this as I went through exactly the same thing as you last May. I completely understand the hopelessness, emptiness and despair you must be feeling right now, and please know that it is okay to feel like this and breakdown and cry..let it all out. I remember feeling like I couldnt imagine having to start a whole new treatment cycle...the idea filled me with dread. Allow yourself time to grieve and be sad. Us women are so strong and pull ourselves up out of the most awful situations ...I promise you will in time. I'm getting ready to start my third cycle this-coming May...my hope has returned. Sending you lots and lots of hugs, and never underestimate the power of hope...you will find your hope and strength again..I promise ❤ xxx

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