PGT Results are back - Feeling so broken and devastated

[Brownshuga80]

I don't even know where to start but I'm so devastated😭 I got my PGT results back today and my only 2 embryos that were tested were both aneuploid - just the thought of having them discarded causes me so much anguish after all I ve been through.

I feel so numb and lost for words because it's been such an emotional roller coaster of struggling with infertility (male factor) for so many years. It’s hurts me so much knowing that I will probably never have my own biological child because this looks like the end of the road for me ....and that little glimmer of hope that I had is gone - I ve previously 1 failed fresh cycle and 3 failed FETS several years ago despite being told I had top quality embryos then.

I don't understand why life is so unfair and wish I could understand why some of us have to go through hell just trying to have a baby while others just fall pregnant at the drop of a hat😪.I guess it's time for me to come terms that it is what it is and accept that it was never meant to be for me because I'm 40 going on 41 plus I can't afford to pay for anymore cycles. I guess the only option left for me is to start considering adoption now.

Anyways, I hope and pray that all of you ladies who are still on the journey to motherhood will get the result that you hope for and wish you all the very best....sorry for the long post and ranting but I just had to get things of my chest on here since this isnt something I d want to share with people who know me since they'd never really understand how feel.

[Hidden]

I am so, so sorry for your pain and losses. It may sound naive but I really hope you get something wonderful in your life in terms of family life, whatever it may be. Life is so unfair but you don’t deserve it to be. Sending you love & also please take extra good care of yourself right now. ❤️

[Brownshuga80 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the kind words, no you're not being naive at all....There's always other alternatives and I'm sure that I'll eventually get something wonderful one day once I have allowed myself to heal❤

[XOXO13]

I’m so sorry to read this 💔

Life can be cruel, it’s so unfair. I’m sorry that you find yourself in this position. I can’t imagine the anguish you must be feeling right now, take all of the time you need to process and grieve. I echo blushpink and hope something wonderful comes your way because you deserve to be happy.

Take good care of yourself. Sending lots of love 🤍 xx

[Brownshuga80 in reply to XOXO13]

Thank you so much, yeah life can be cruel indeed. I had a good cry yesterday and feel a little bit better today.I guess I just need to take one day at a time and I'll get there xx

[Rcs11]

I am so sorry to hear this for you. Devastating news, I can only imagine the pain you’re feeling. This journey is cruel, it dominates every day, it takes control of all aspects of our life (what we eat, where we travel, when we have sex, what we can afford.....) the fear is always there that it may not work, I’m just so sorry you’re where you are. Take the very best care of yourself. Take some time out to process & find yourself again after this gruelling journey. If you don’t follow her already I really rate ‘Alice rose’ on social media as a great influence to find yourself again when you’re so lost in infertility xxxx

[Brownshuga80 in reply to Rcs11]

Aww thank you...Yeah it's such a bitter pill to swallow...and I absolutely agree that it just takes over everything you do. I guess I'll be fine once I've eventually processed everything and found healing.I 'll definitely look Alice Rose up and hopefully following her will help me pick myself up xxx

[Kookypie in reply to Brownshuga80]

To be honest I just looked at Alice Rose's Instagram and I'd probably find it a bit triggering for you at the moment x

[Brownshuga80 in reply to Kookypie]

That's very thougtful of you Kookypie, thanks for the heads up.I hadn't looked at Alice Rose's instagram yet. x

[Emma672]

Oh love, my heart breaks for you reading this. I think this is going to be a big thing to come to terms with, if you haven’t already then maybe consider taking up the counselling through the clinic. I’m certainly no expert but in your shoes I’d be looking to do that. Sending you much love, remember all our thoughts are with you x

[Brownshuga80 in reply to Emma672]

Thank you hun, yeah it definitely is...it's hard but I'm just trying to keep my chin up and I guess I'll eventually be ok.Thanks for the suggestion I might consider going for counselling...I'd actually forgotten about it because it's available as part of the treatment package x

[ToughCOOKIE78]

Im sorry lovely, I know how you feel as I’ve been there (twice!).....would you consider moving onto donor egg? I did and was the best decision I could make to realise my dream...my inbox is open if you wish to talk about it xxx ❤️Stay strong❤️

[Brownshuga80 in reply to ToughCOOKIE78]

Thanks hun I'll send you a message yourinbox, am so sorry to hear you've also been through this twice...it's so encouraging to hear that you've managed to pick yourself up despite what you've been through ❤❤

[Kookypie]

I'm so sorry but this isn't the end of your story just the painful ending to a chapter. New beginnings are for waiting for you on the horizon. It sounds a bit twee at the moment and you definitely need time to scream, shout, drink all the wine, eat all the ice cream or curl under the duvet.

I know some people aren't keen on adoption but what a lovely gift to give a child who hasn't had the best start in life.

X

[Brownshuga80 in reply to Kookypie]

I really appreciate the encouraging words, thank you! True... Adoption isnt everyone's cup if tea and I never thought I would ever consider it, but sometimes it's all about being open minded and looking at looking at life from a different angle. The good part is that it'll give me the opportunity to love and nurture a child who needs it ,and even though the child wont be mine biologically I'll still be their mum x

[SuzyL123]

I’m so sorry to hear how you’re feeling, going through fertility treatments is so heartbreaking and such hard work, the journey is long and frustrating with no end in sight! Just know you’re not alone.xx

[Brownshuga80 in reply to SuzyL123]

It is frustrating indeed but thank you for the kind words SuzyL, xx

[Ivfgotadream]

So sorry to hear this.I had the same result age 36 - neither embryos were PGTA normal and I was crushed as the statistics said at least one of them would be

All I would say is that I decided to change my protocol after that to natural modified IVF - I decided not to PGT again and the 2 blastocysts on my next collection are my month old twins

[Brownshuga80 in reply to Ivfgotadream]

Thank you for sharing your experience...you've given me so much hope!😊

I'm sorry you to hear that you also had to go through this heart wrenching experience as well. I'm glad you decided not to do the PGT again and so happy for you that you were successful in the end x

[Jane41]

Ah this is so heartbreaking to read. I’m so sorry after all that you have been through to get to PGT testing & then this sad news. Life is so cruel. I know how confusing it feels when you have had good quality embryos that haven’t worked. It’s hard to make any sense of it all. Such a heartbreaking lottery. Sending love & strength to you xxx

[Brownshuga80 in reply to Jane41]

Aww thank you for the kind words Jane.I'm so grateful xxx

[BBHH1]

Sorry to hear

Some embryos judged as and aneuploid go on to become healthy babies. Why don’t you transfer and see what happens. It’s more of a chance than the zero of not transferring. And it has been demonstrated to be safe. Worse that can happen is that you miscarry. But it’s worth it the risk for trying isn’t it? Wish you well

[Ivfgotadream in reply to BBHH1]

Unfortunately it’s against the regulations to transfer them in the U.K. so impossible to find a clinic who will do it - you can transfer low level mosaics depending on the clinic and the chromosome affected though

[Brownshuga80 in reply to Ivfgotadream]

I wish the UK was a bit more flexible like the US around this issue though...

[LuxFleur in reply to Brownshuga80]

This is so awful to hear, I am so sorry. Here in France PGTs and any genetic tests at all are illegal, I was shocked to learn that you are not even allowed to transfer an aneuploid embryo. I am so sorry for your loss xoxo

[Brownshuga80 in reply to LuxFleur]

Thanks LuxFleur...oh that's interesting to hear that it's illegal in France.I guess they suggest it to try and increase the chances of success here but deciding to have the test means running the risk of ending up with no embryos to transfer which can be devastating.

[Brownshuga80 in reply to BBHH1]

I wish that was possible but yeah Ivfgotdream is right, it's so heartbreaking☹.But thanks all the same x

[sunset212]

Incredibly sorry to read of your story, may i just ask if your clinic reports mosaic embryos or is it simply a black and white of euploid or aneuploid? The only reason i didn't want to not mention this was some mosaic embryos ( that is a mix of aneuploid and euploid) although a lower chance sometimes have a shot at producing a pregnancy and birth and some ladies still opt to transfer with the lower risk because its still a chance!. Just didn't want to read without commenting on mosaic possibility. Hugs xx

[Brownshuga80 in reply to sunset212]

How odd I thought I responded but my response appears to have disappeared!Thanks Sunset212...It never crossed my mind to ask so am not sure how they report the results or whether they do report mosaics if there happens to be any.What I was told was that both embryos were aneuploid and missing a chromosome each which is what was shown on the copy of the results that were emailed to me.

That's a good point though and I might just ask when I next speak to my co-ordinator xx