I'm just 44, am I too old to be thinking of becoming a first time mum (via donor eggs!). I don't want to end my dream, but am worried about how it will be viewed by others and how I will fit in at mother baby groups? I know the age of mums is generally getting older, but that said most are still in they're 30's.
I never really wanted children when I was younger despite marrying at 30, and then during the recession I suffered numerous redundancies so wasn't financially secure to consider being a parent. I did fall pregnant naturally at 40 but lost the baby at 17 weeks. Any advice greatly appreciated.
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Lisaro
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Easier said than done I know, but try to put those thoughts out of your head. There are a handful of people who will always judge - she’s too young, or too old, or too whatever, but the vast majority of people (and certainly those who count) would probably just see you as a wonderful mum!
I’m late 30s and have the same kind of thoughts, but deep down I know that I have so much more to offer (emotionally, financially...) a child now, than I did 10 or even 5 years ago. I would absolutely go with your heart if I was you xx
Great advice - you are completely right, those that judge certainly aren't your friends and haven't stopped to consider what journey you might have had to endure to get to this point, its not always as easy as people think.
Good luck for the future xx
I am 42 and still trying with my own eggs, Ive had a few ups and downs but thats not all necessarily been about egg quality. My clinic will treat until up to 45.
I am not too fussed about baby groups etc. I am young at heart and will fit in with people in their 20s, 30s and 40s as long as you have a common bond - which you do - children x
It's my 40th birthday today and can't quite believe I'm celebrating it with my 9-week-old baby drooling on my shoulder!! No one has made any comments and if they're secretly judging... screw 'em I'm very, very happy
If this is what you want, you have to go for it. Good luck xxx
I am also 44 and I’m doing everything I can to fulfil my dream of being a mummy. It doesn’t matter what other people think, go with your heart and what is best for you. People will always gossip and judge but it just means they’ve got nothing exciting going on in their own lives. Good luck xx
Age is just a number and you should by no means worry about what others think over what YOU WANT. Do what you want to do. There are lots of 40+ year old women that go through IVF and are successful xxx
Thank you. I read about lots of older women having babies, I think I just fear it because I don't actually know any myself so still believe its not as common as people make out xx
I am 45 and currently going through the process with donor eggs, my clinic will go up to 46 using own eggs but there is only 5% chance. I too have thought about been an ‘old ‘ mum but have then pushed it from my mind, let People think what they like. You do what’s right for you. X
Hiya. I was 41 when my son born and used DE. He is 2 now and I would say go for it. I'm the oldest in my group of friends I met but its not an issue. I have 2 embryos left in the freezer in Greece and trying to decide if I try for number 2.
Its the best thing ever and worth all the money and emotions.
I'm 42 and having my 12 week scan today following our 2nd cycle with donor eggs. If it's what you want - go for it, you don't want to regret not trying later on. Wishing you all the very best x
I’m pretty sure any conversations had at mother and baby groups will be revolved around nappy contents, breast feeding, teething, growth spurts , who is trying to walk first and who is potentially going to be a child genius!!!
It won’t be about latest pop culture, which insta celeb is with what youtuber, whether the music genre crank is better than crunk ( 🤷♀️) and which of the latest nightclubs are the trendiest.
It’s easy to say this looking over the fence but in 2 weeks I’ll find out whether I’ll be the massively older mother in a room full of teenagers - thing is, those teenagers will be able to teach me a few things, even if it is what dreadful new music culture is supposedly the best!
Hard not to let people who judge you get under your skin but frankly, I bet you’ve come across this your whole life and dealt with it with success, this is no difference. Best lesson you can teach is resilience.
I'll be 43 in 2 months and I'm still trying with my own eggs! At this rate, I won't give birth before being 44. Coincidentally, at work, most of my co-workers are 10 years younger, getting married, having their first child...I wouldn't say I fit in with them exactly like a 33 year old would do but I don't care. At the end of the day, this is your life, go for it, you're still young and strong! I too didn't feel secure and stable enough in my career in my 30s to have a child.
I say go for it. Don't let the opinions of others hold you back. You are 9n your own journey. Most people are more knowledgeable these days about how hard it can be to conceive. But if they judge you they re not worth you time. If I had a baby I'm sure I'd be too busy and proud to give a crap about what anyone else says
I have a friend that just had her baby at almost 45, via donor eggs. And yesterday read a childbirth experience from a woman aged 47 (3rd baby, naturally conceived).
It might me that your body doesn't cope with all pregnancy related symptoms in your forties as well as in your 30s or 20s. But other than that, who is anybody to judge you or your situation? Everyone has a different story and you don't need to justify any of your life decisions. This battle is hard enough to care about others' opinions on top of everything!
I would say just go ahead, don't look back and all the luck in the world!
Xxx
Go for it - don’t even doubt it! Find a good clinic and a consultant you trust and go for your dream. You don’t want to regret it and not trying because of the fear of what other people think. I am 42 and 32 weeks pregnant with twins via IVF with my own eggs. Wish you all the best!
Hi, I was 44 when we started our IVF journey with DE, I was too a little worried about what people would say and if they would judge. We were so lucky for it to work and a couple of times it has popped in my head when going to breast feeding classes/Hypno birthing but I have had nothing negative and although my friends have already had their children they have been amazing and are so excited and supportive. Please don’t let what others think influence what you really want here if you need anything x❤️
Im very sorry for your loss. Im 42 and still cracking on at IVF for a family! At the end of the day I feel that its not your age that makes you a good parent....what difference does a few years make. One of my friends had IVF and at 43 fell pregnant with twins, delivere at 44.....she's doing good! Go for it if its what you want, dont think about other people....your life, your choice!!xx
Never say never! My mum had me naturally at the age of 41! She had no issue getting pregnant. Me? I’m 32 and just had a failed ivf round 😂 (I have to laugh else I’ll cry!) so age isn’t really an issue but it can effect if using your own eggs I think. X
If you feel fit enough and ready then just go for it.
Im 44 and 27wks pregnant from my own eggs from when I was 40. Its my first time and I have exactly the same thoughts. to be honest I have seen other people my age in the waiting room at the antenatal clinic so it doesn't feel as strange as it once did. I have had 2 failed attempts 3 years ago, from embryos when I was 41. We took a break as my father was diagnosed terminally ill within a week of me going through an ectopic pregnancy. He was only given 2 months to live but hung in there for 15 months. After grieving we moved our remaining embryos to a different clinic (as I never really liked the previous one) and started the journey again. Good luck on your journey and know you are not alone.
I had my first daughter at 41 and I am currently 44 and 30 weeks pregnant with a boy. If it is your dream then go for it. It’s not easy but is possible and worth it
Don't worry about your age. I am the same age. IVF has worked for me at 44 with my own eggs. I'm now due early Jan. You'll bond over the babies with other mums. Everyone will be in the same boat and you will find yourself socialising with people that probably never would have before.
I had my first baby at 40! You're not too old. Sod what anyone else thinks. Look at it like this, in 10 years time would you regret/worry more that you didn't have a baby, or that a few people judged you in the local baby group? Go for it! Don't let other people's opinions top you - it's likely that you won't come up against any negative opinions anyway but, even if you do, that's their problem! xx
I've just turned 50, and I'm 19 weeks pregnant with twins!
Our fertility journey has been long and complicated, with miscarriages and much heartbreak along the way; it certainly was never the intention to finally be successful at age 49 (with donor eggs). But, those are the cards we have been dealt.
As I got older (and older), and we kept trying (and trying), I'm not going to lie, I also worried what people would think.
Now however that I am finally pregnant, I really feel I owe no one an explanation, what matters is our happiness, and being the best possible (happy) parents we can be to our twins.
Age really is just a number, and as Solly-44 says, there will always be those that judge, no matter what you do, and/or when you do it (... or what age you are when you do it)!
I have enough regrets in my life, difficult as it may be (& there's no denying it can be difficult), I have made the decision not to allow other people's judgement cause me the biggest regret of my life.
Go for it I say!! I echo absolutely everyone else above. I am 43 next march and in the last few weeks, I really struggled and thought about giving up the IVF game, but just have this feeling that I'm not out yet! If you don't try you will never know. It is harder but certainly not impossible. I'm not quite at donor egg stage yet, but will consider if I need to. Good luck to you xxx
Your not too old! I had my last baby in later 40’s with help and we’re so happy and in love with her so don’t give up if it’s what you want your still young enough to do it with donor eggs if you find you can’t with your own so go for it and don’t worry about age.
Hi, I am 44 and have a 2 month old little boy. Like you I was concerned about what other people think. I have never felt judged (So far) in any parents activity I do with him. I found that the average mum is over 30. Maybe I have been lucky so far. Now he is here I really don’t care about what they think. They don’t know my story and if they have a problem with it. It’s their problem not mine. But that is my view and I can understand that every body is different. You need to do what is best for you. wish you all the best with your decision and your ivf journey. Take care Xx
Just wanted to say that you are definitely not too old. Try not to worry about what other people think but I know - easier said than done.
I'm 44 and have gone down the egg donor route. Have had 2 negative transfers so far but gearing up for a 3d one before Christmas. Doing an ERA test first though. I have also got a friend that is now 47 and is thinking about using donor eggs. If it feels right for you, just keep going!
Wow... I love each and everyone of you, what amazing responses. I wish I had friends like all of you in my life. Amazing women and so encouraging & positive. Good luck on your individual journeys ladies ❤️
I’m in a similar position and have exactly the same fears!! I wonder what people will think, considering some of my colleagues at work are only slightly older than me but have children at uni!! The support on this forum and this thread is incredible tho! I think every one of the comments above have captured it!! You have to go for it - as you can’t turn back time - and the regret of not trying would be far worst! I’ve needed laparoscopies twice (every time I get close to an ivf cycle they find another reason to stop). My family and closest friends are backing me 100pc and think it’s brave and brilliant!! It’s so scary at times but it’s been my biggest dream in life .... Wishing you so much strength to keep going!! Xx
I am so sorry for your loss that’s awful.
I wouldn’t care what people think it’s your life & it’s nothing to do with them.
I didn’t meet my hubby until my son was 11 years old, we married 18 months later & started trying for a family. Let’s just say it didn’t go to plan!!! It took us 7 years to conceive our daughter ( due to a delayed diagnosis of endometriosis) There is a 20 year age gap between my children!! 🤣 what’s even crazier is my son has a baby with his girlfriend. 😆People think I’m mad but I wouldn’t have it any other way! From outside we sound like a horrible family but we are very close knit family ❤️
If you want a baby go for it don’t let others stop you. And I wish you the best with it ❤️xxx
Don't even give a thought about what Tom Dick and Harry will say, what ever personal decision you make LOOKERS are alway busy to judge
I am 43 and I just did ED transfer this afternoon abroad and flying back tomorrow to UK. I struggled to get pregnant naturally for several years in vain
I am so thankful that I had the means to finance my treatment of which there are some women out there facing same challenges but can't attempt because of financial difficulties
Im turning twenty twice this week, whilst being severely depressed about turning 40 without child, I know I have to drag myself up and not care about fitting in a mother’s group. Being a good mother counts! Not fitting in! Now let’s go kick infertility in the arse and get our forty something butts pregnant!
Don’t listen to what people say my mum had my wee sister at 43 she would get funny looks sometimes but she brushed it off and got on with it don’t let other people put u off doing what u want the most xx
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How old is too old?
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