Sensitive - bfn

[Orla9298]

As the title says I’m 11dp5dt - BFN and bleeding. I’ve tested all the way through from 4dp5dt with FRER as that’s when I got a positive with my last transfer. This one was a 5BB.

It’s my OTD tomorrow which I’m not bothering with as FRER is the blankest it can be and I started bleeding after my pessary this morning.

I’m disappointed that I didn’t manage to keep my period away but at the same time glad it’s here as I’ve known it was inevitable and was dreading it.

Not going to bother with my lunchtime and evening pessary now.

We are just gutted - we got further with my own crappy eggs - at least they tried to implant with chemical. This was my first donor transfer and it was better quality than all of my own. I only have 1 frostie left and it’s worse quality at 4CB then we are back at square one. This round has intralipids, prednisolone, clexane and hydroxychloroquine.

My head genuinely is all over the place, Ive known it was a fail so it’s no shock today - but knowing it’s over has left me researching for the last week about what do do next. Our consultant did suggest surrogacy next so we are attending a social for Surrogacy UK today.

We have conceived more times naturally (3!) than through 6 rounds of ivf (only 1 stuck then failed!) and that’s 6 full rounds - 5 retrieval’s with my eggs and one with donor.

Feels like we might be better off just trying a set of iuis and trying to get my body to release a couple of eggs since natural attempts have been better than ivf.

Not being a parent just isn’t an option but time is starting to slip away. This has been 4.5 years of TTC and it is ruining our lives - I’m 35.5 and my husband 43 - he’s getting upset at the thought of being an old dad. Where to go from here???

Anyway, good luck to anyone still due to test. It would be nice to see some good news xx

[LunaLovegood11]

Aww I’m so sorry. I don’t have much to offer them thinking of you xxx

[Kat9lives]

So sorry to hear this. Look after yourselves xxx

[Ash2016]

So sorry Orla, this is so devastating. Sending lots of love to you and your husband. It’s so difficult to decide what to do next and all the options are so overwhelming. We went to an adoption evening last week and found it really informative. It had been our least favourite option going forward but we definitely haven’t discounted it now after the meeting xxx

[Orla9298 in reply to Ash2016]

Thank you, I’m sorry about your journey too but that’s great that you’re still finding strength to keep going exploring options. We keep talking adoption but think we will try surrogacy first. We may apply to join surrogacy uk xx

[Shelleybean]

So so sorry Orla. It’s awful to pin all of your hopes on doing something new and then it doesn’t work. Spoil yourselves rotten for as long as you need to and gather some strength to have those difficult conversations about how you’re doing to continue your journey xx

[Picalilli99]

Orla I’m so sorry. I was really rooting for you and am so sad to hear it hasn’t worked. I imagine the disappointment is intensified when you have tried new things that had allowed you to feel renewed hope. It is a lot to take in, especially thinking about next steps so take your time and be kind to yourself. This is the most gruelling journey. You are so brave and strong and have been through so much. Wishing you the best for your whatever you do next but in the meantime sending love and hugs xxx

[Orla9298 in reply to Picalilli99]

Thank you xxx

[Cinderella5]

Awww I'm really sorry Orla! Would you not consider trying another DE cycle with a younger donor? I know your friends has been so kind to help you out but you may get better results. Good luck with the surrogacy meeting. Lots of love.xxx

[Orla9298 in reply to Cinderella5]

Maybe... my sister next. She’s 32 but only just. She did her own ivf last year and got 13 eggs resulting in 5 good blasts... I guess if we can repeat that I’d be happy. The surrogacy social was useful, I really think we will go down this route next xx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Orla9298]

I take it you wouldn't go with an unknown young donor then? Bless your sister if she is willing. Well whatever you decide, you wholeheartedly deserve it! Best of luck, would love to hear how you get on! Surrogacy is so expensive, it's scary!!xxx

[Lots8788]

so sorry hun x big hugs to you x x x

[magda22]

Hi Orla, I've been absent for a while but have just caught up with your journey through your posts. You've been though so much and I'm so sorry the donor transfer didn't work. My heart goes out to you, lots of love and hugs. Its Deeply unfair. All my love xx

[Orla9298 in reply to magda22]

Thank you xxx

[MissSaoPaulo]

I'm so sorry hon. Sending big hugs xxx

[Lou7744]

I’m so disappointed to read this when you’ve been through such a long journey. Sending you big hugs 💕 xx

[Renk]

So sorry to hear this sweet. Hang in there. Hopefully one day a miracle happens

[Rainbowhope]

I'm very heartbroken for you. Xxxx

[gattonero]

This is just unfair and so hard to accept. What next is a big questions but I am sure you and your dh will be able to find answers because it looks there are still options for you although I can imagine how much this battle seem to become heavier and heavier. I don’t know how it works in the UK but we had some funding from my dh company to go for surrogation (either donor egg or surrogate mother) and adoption. We tried the first with DE but evaluated the second one too as last option. Having still some chances lined up (although each one carrying many doubts and uncertainty) gave us the strenght to keep going. Before going for donor egg though I needed to take 6 months break as the last cycle fail really hit me hard.

Take care of yourselves, we are here if you need a chat or just to vent xxx

[Orla9298 in reply to gattonero]

Thank you for your kind words. We think we will pursue surrogacy next... there is no harm in still trying ourselves naturally whilst we wait through the waitlists of the process.

Repeated fails are so painful aren’t they xx