I have just started my first round of IVF. I have a lovely daughter, aged 3, who was conceived naturally after 14 months. We’ve been trying again for two years now. Got pregnant at 16 months this time but miscarried, and so have just started IVF. Finding it emotionally really hard. I’m not myself at all. I am struggling to find joy in my day to day life. I am resentful, not sleeping well & tired. I feel like hiding from the world. Has anyone got any advice on how to get through this.
I’m doing daily meditation, trying to get fresh air & walking daily, speaking to friends & partner, eating well, but still can’t seem to shift this low mood & negativity.
Thanks
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Caitlin-m
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Hi Caitlin, I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. I’ve been where you are now. I have a son who’s 4, conceived naturally after 15mths. We tried naturally for 2 years before moving to IVF. At the end of that 2 years I hit rock bottom, a shadow of my former self. I had been spiralling downwards slowly, waiting to start IVF was slowly destroying me. The final straw was when we were told my OH results were so bad we couldn’t start IVF and he needed to see a specialist as he may be seriously unwell! Thankfully he is ok! And to cut a long story short we’ve done 4 rounds of ICSI/IMSI this year with no success, frankly it’s been a horrendous year!!
The only way I’m getting through this is taking one day at a time. Some days are better than others. I honestly think the only thing keeping me from completely losing it is sheer willpower!! I’m also seeing an IVF counsellor and it helps me to offload some of my negativity or rephrase my thoughts to avoid going over the same unhelpful thoughts in my head. Spending time with my son makes me focus on the present too and not get caught up in my head. We are so lucky to have him.
Doing ivf is a hopeful time for me, once you get started it’s hard not to let hope in. I’ve gone into the last 2 cycles in a very negative frame of mind but by a few days in seeing the follicle growth scans I start to hope that round will be my time. I hope you have better luck than myself with your treatment. Good luck xx
So you got pregnant naturally first time round but now you need icsi? Personal question alert...feel free not to answer....Did something happen to change your OH's fertility or did you just get super lucky first time round?
I don’t mind answering and it’s something we’ve wracked our brains over! I believe we got super lucky because I think the damage was done on a 2 week bike ride before we starting trying for a family 6years ago. I realised that my timeline above might not make sense too, our 2 years of trying naturally (and subsequent 1yr of IVF) was after we had our little boy. In this 3yr period we’ve lived a cleaner healthier lifestyle than before yet haven’t had a sniff of a pregnancy. We’ll never really know though. 🤷♀️
Damage was definitely done on the ride as he had reduced blood flow and numbness, it took a few weeks to go away. And now we know he had a bad varicocele (varicose vein in the testicles) which raises the temperature and cooks his swimmers. I don’t think it’s a coincidence but we’ll never know for sure because it was before we started TTC.
My OH has a varicocele too. I don't think it's been help by his love of super long (like 1-2 hours) super hot baths. He stopped them when we started ttc but he was doing this since he was a teenager a few times a week, so I can't help but think this had some sort of long term affect on his fertility. Even thinking about these stupid hot baths and the pride (and utter stupidity) at being able to withstand them (he had to work up to it) makes me just me want to start swearing uncontrollably.
You can get surgery to fix a varicocele but it can take up to 2 years for it to work and we didn't have that time due to my age.
Thanks very much for your reply. I am really sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough time. You sound like a really strong person.
Nothing has changed really - my OH has sub optimal sperm so we got lucky the first time. Guess I was a couple of years younger then too so that may have helped.
I’ve got my first appointment with the counsellor next week, hoping that will help, and I’ve found an app called mindful IVF which seems good so far. All we can do is focus on what we do have (we are lucky compared to many I know, but it doesn’t mean it’s not hard when no 2 doesn’t appear) and try to stay afloat.
It helps just to know to you’re not alone I think. Xxx
Ps with reference to your name - I love wine too, it’s a cruel twist of fate that booze is no good with IVF because this is when we bloody need it the most!!!
Ha ha yeah quite a few similarities! It’s my birthday week after next and I plan to drown myself in lots of really good wine with some friends.
I hope you find the counsellor helpful. If you don’t click with them I’d suggest moving on to another until you find the right one for you. But yeah you’re not alone, feel free to PM if you like. Xx
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