It's a struggle ...: Sorry Ladies, just... - Fertility Network UK

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It's a struggle ...

Adele2020 profile image
15 Replies

Sorry Ladies, just struggling a little today (after the miscarriage in July) and just needed somewhere to vent a little I suppose ... Currently feeling all kinds of why me, what did I do wrong ... even though I know I didn't so anything it's hard!

I feel as though I am being punished for something (but I don't know what). I feel all kinds of angry and sad and every emotion in between! I want to get pregnant again ASAP but I'm also scared to get pregnant for fear that I will miscarry again, and again ...

Anyone else been through this and had the above or am I just overthinking and making a mountain out of a molehill?

Thanks for letting me rant for a few minutes xx

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Adele2020 profile image
Adele2020
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15 Replies
Miraclebabyno2 profile image
Miraclebabyno2

Hi I hope you are ok. Me and my partner have been trying to conceive our 2nd child for over 3 years, our 1st child conceived with no problems. I just currently went through our 1st ivf with lots of hurdles along the way and cancelled transfers. I found out I was pregnant from that transfer but I miscarried this weekend but knew I was going to miscarry from last Tuesday. I feel all of the above too and I completely relate to how you are feeling. I desperately want to get pregnant again but I just keep thinking will it happen again. All we can do it hope that next time will be our time and it really isn’t anything that we could have done differently. Thinking of you xx

Adele2020 profile image
Adele2020 in reply to Miraclebabyno2

Miraclebabyno2 I am so sorry to hear of your miscarriage - only those of us who have been through this know exactly how it feels and the lasting affects it has on us ... I hope in time you will feel much better and start feeling positive again (I hope the same for me too). I think I am just having a bad day (as you will know all too well that these come and go without any warning). I pray for us both that next time we fall pregnant it's for the full 9 months and we both have happy and healthy babies xx Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you want to talk, and honestly, thank you for your reply, it awful to know you are going through this as well, but it's a comfort to have someone who understands if that makes sense xx Take Care, Rest, Cry, Shout etc ... do it all xx Thinking of you and your Family xxx

I’m so sorry for your loss. 😢

I felt all the emotions you are describing when I lost a pregnancy ( 2 years ago) I worried about having another loss & was so desperate to be pregnant again. Because of my endo reoccurrence I needed 2 more surgeries to treat it & became pregnant 2 months after the last surgery- i fell a just over a year after the loss & had my daughter in June. I hope that can offer you some hope. Most women that suffer a miscarriage will go on to have a healthy baby. There is hope.

You are definitely not making a mountain out of a molehill it is a awful thing to go through particularly when it’s been so wanted, it’s okay to grieve because it is a loss of what could’ve been. It took me a long time to process my loss. Sadly time is the only healer. please don’t suffer in silence talking it over is part of the healing process. In time it will feel less raw it won’t feel like it now but you will get through this xxx

Adele2020 profile image
Adele2020 in reply to

Jess1981 thank you xx I locked myself in the toilet cubicle at work and had a little 5 minute cry and feel that little bit better now x I don't think it's something we'll ever get over, or ever forget about which is hard in a sense, but I don't want to ever forget that for 9 weeks i loved something more than life x I think no matter what I will always be scared but I need to get past that and focus on creating a healthy body in which a baby can grow and develop and a healthy mindset x Thank you so much for reading and replying and letting me know that I am not alone in these feelings x I am 1 in 4 and having the support of others really does help in more ways than you will ever realise xxxx Congratulations on the arrival of your daughter, a beautiful rainbow baby xxx

Dreamingofbaby profile image
Dreamingofbaby

Hey Hun. It understandable how u feeling. It is so tough having an mc and then the fear of what may be next. I have had two and now pregnant again and though want to be elated and I am in many ways I am also prettified that I may loose another one. All can do is take each pregnancy as a new one and hope this could be the one. Know it is never ever your fault. Go easy on u and know it ok to feel all different emotions at the mo as u still healing. Take good care hun xx

Adele2020 profile image
Adele2020 in reply to Dreamingofbaby

Dreamingofbaby thank you so much x I will say my prayers for you that this pregnancy is a healthy one and that your baby will arrive safely into the world x Time really is a healer, but as you get older you don't feel as though you have as much time to be able to heal and start again ... the biological clock is ticking away ... however, I am not rushing anything and will wait until it's my time to become pregnant again and just hope and pray that the next pregnancy is to stay xx Thanks again for your kind words and I look forward to seeing you announce the safe arrival of your child xx

Mama196 profile image
Mama196

I totally get this. I’m feeling all dark and twisty today and grumpy with life and discovered two acquaintances are pregnant in last few days and I cant avoid these pregnant people everywhere and it just keeps reminding me and ruining my day! I know I should be more positive but I’m just not right now! I have no idea how others go through this for so long and keep surviving it, it’s been a year since my first miscarriage with one more in May and I’m exhausted by it all! I think I’d find it easier if I could just live in a box and avoid all reminders!

Adele2020 profile image
Adele2020

Mama196 it's horrible wanting to be happy for people but feel distraught at the same time x In the 9 weeks I was pregnant so we're my 2 sister's and sister in law and knowing we would all go through it together was the most precious feeling ever ... 3 weeks after my miscarriage 1 sister gave birth and the other 2 are due November and December ... I can't wait for them to arrive but it reminds me what I have lost x it's a pain well never get over and something we'll live with forever xx I hope one day we can all feel strong again xx sending positive thoughts and love your way xx

Violet1987 profile image
Violet1987

I relate to every single word! I too have really ‘bad’ or emotional days when I either want to scream in anger or cry until it’s time to go to bed.

It’s not fair! But life isn’t fair!

I’m at the point whenever I hear or see anything in the news/paper about a child who has been mistreated I just can’t read on or listen as it makes me feel physically sick.

Pregnancy announcements within my friends and family also kill me inside - even though I’m happy for them - I just want it to be me x

Adele2020 profile image
Adele2020 in reply to Violet1987

Voilet1987 I hate how I can be fine and then bam the tears are cascading and the anger is strong! I look at people with kids and think I hope you're treating them how they deserve to be treated ... I love my friends and family having babies but it hurts all the same xx We will get stronger eventually I hope and I wish you all the best and sending love your way xx

mushy19 profile image
mushy19

Hi ya

I’m just Reading this post thinking this is exactly how I’m feeling right now.

I miscarried bk in June and been asking myself the same questions you are ever since.

We do have another transfer booked tomorrow... which is so exciting but I am I still so scared and worried about the same thing happening again. Or possibly not getting a BFP again....

I decided not to tell friends or family we are doing another cycle, they was supportive last time but I’m not sure I could handle breaking sad news or the feeling of being like a failure again.

Your not over thinking... Your not alone with your thoughts.

Take care x

Adele2020 profile image
Adele2020 in reply to mushy19

mushy19 I will keep you in my prayers for a BFP in the near future xx I know going forward if we are lucky enough to conceive again I won't be telling anyone, gosh I'd probably try and hide it from the other half so he doesn't have to go through it again xx Fingers and Toes crossed for you xx Sending Love xx

Scarlett13 profile image
Scarlett13

Hi, I had a miscarriage in March so know how you feel. Thankfully I got pregnant with the next go and am now 15 weeks but I’ve been so anxious and worried about having a miscarriage again. But I did read that first miscarriages are very common but it is rare to have a second. Have you been given any ideas as to what might have caused your miscsrriage? I’m so sorry you’re going through this heartache, have you ever had your progesterone levels tested? X

Adele2020 profile image
Adele2020 in reply to Scarlett13

Scarlett13 may I ask how many periods you had before you conceived? Also a massive congratulations for getting to 15 weeks ... here's to the next 25 weeks being as stress free for you as possible and the safe arrival of your rainbow baby xx No idea what caused the miscarriage ... and I have spoken to my GP this morning to request all my bloods be redone etc xx I am hoping that I will only ever have to go through the pain of miscarriage once as it's been harder than I could have ever imagined xx I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and arrival of your rainbow baby xx

Scarlett13 profile image
Scarlett13 in reply to Adele2020

Thank you for your kind words. I had my miscarriage in March then the next embryo I’m now pregnant with was transferred June 20th so I must have had 2 or 3 periods in between. Good luck xxxxx

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