kind of been off here a bit lately as sometimes feel I should only post when going through treatment and maybe not when feeling so low. just don't know what has happened to me lately. I just can't stop crying. we had our fourth failed attempt beginning November. it was our first fet. we are so lucky to have two frosties left but for some reason I just feel so upset all the time. I started a new job at the same time as bfn and just feel floored. I turn 40 next week and although we made lovely plans to go away I feel exhausted and upset and now worried I won't be able to enjoy myself. we saw a counsellor a few weeks ago which was really helpful but I just feel so so sad and worried I can't shift this feeling. plus two of my ivf friends have both got pregnant and I am happy for them of course but in some way feel I have lost people who understand. ..does that make any sense? plus I feel envious that it has worked for them and not us and I just feel so alone. I know i need to look at the positives and be grateful for my frosties and my fab hubby but just finding it all a struggle at mo..I am sorry for negative post but really hoped writing this might help me pour out my feelings a bit...thanks in advance for any kind words and love to you all xxxxx
struggling 😢😢😢: kind of been off... - Fertility Network UK
struggling 😢😢😢
Bless you. It’s really really hard. I’m seeing a counsellor most weeks at the moment and also having acupuncture once a fortnight even though I am not on treatment atm. Don’t underestimate how much stress a new job puts you under as well, and turning 40 is a massive deal for us who are ttc (I’m nearly there too) so that will all be contributing to your mood and stress levels. I’m sending you a great big hug!
thank you so so much for your words of support..crying reading them😢the 40th is just awful but hoping I can dig deep and enjoy xx
Nothing about this ride's easy, and I think the fact that you can spend ANY days with a brave face on is a huge testament to your strength. You're allowed to feel the lows (much as I know we all wish we could skip or fast-forward them), and know it won't last forever. Seeing the counsellor was a really positive move, and it sounds like you have a great thing with your hubby. But that doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel down when you watch more people become parents. It's such a strange thing, isn't it? I genuinely feel happy for friends and family when they get pregnant and have babies, but there is always, always pain there for me because I want it so badly and can't understand why it hasn't happened for me.
Talking and writing about it is always a good thing. Don't lock it inside because it'll just keep hurting you.
Sending lots of love to you xxx
thank you so so much. think I do need to see some bravery and strength in myself and try to be a bit stronger for sake of hubby. .your words really helped thank you xx
You're welcome. We can all relate to how deep those lows can go, so don't suffer them alone. I hope you can find a little bit of a lift in time for the birthday plans xxxx
Awww Vic, sending you the biggest of hugs. I’m with you all the way, I was 40 back in May and it’s definitely a milestone that by its nature makes you reflect on your life. I’m afraid there is no silver bullet or magic pill we can take to make it all go away, there seems to be a group of us that no matter what we do it still doesn’t bloody work! But somehow we find the strength and the belief to keep going.
The sadness sets into your core, it’s like the rain cloud that is never far away.
I start my new job in January too and am throwing myself into it, I’m determined to be 40 and fabulous!
I just want you to know you are not alone and here if you want to off load. Sending you big hugs, try to embrace your birthday and have a great time with your hubby 😘 xx
Ah Vic, I just wanted to send you a hug and say I understand how you’re feeling. I’ve been feeling very much the same recently, I’m in between treatment cycles so not really posting but have been on here most days just to feel in touch with others who are in the same position. I’ve only had one failed cycle so I really take my hat off to you that you are still standing. It’s hard to see it yourself but you are braver than you realise.
We had no Frosties unfortunately so waiting to start a fresh cycle again in the new year but at the moment I feel totally hopeless and find myself crying all the time, I have no confidence and have shut myself away from everyone. When you are constantly putting on a brave face it’s easy to loose sight of yourself which in turn takes away your confidence. It’s so tiring too!
Sorry there’s not much advice I can give, I just hope you find comfort in knowing you’re not alone, I know I do. And just look after yourself, take one day at a time and hopefully, slowly we’ll realise that we are bloody amazing for carrying on! Good luck and lots of love xx
I feel for you reading this and felt the same for my 40th (September) lots of crying .. didnt want to celebrate my birthday. We went away for it we went to Athens but I had a hysterocopy while i was there to have implantation cuts for our cycle in October. But the cycle after my 40th has worked so try to keep going and focus on your 2 fabulous frosties. I feel being 40 is a lucky good age and I hope it is for you as well xx
I think this forum is just as important for sharing the lows of life as it is for sharing during treatment. I can totally relate to how your feeling, I to have felt so low since our miscarriage and just didn’t want to do anything. I did go to my friends engagement drinks at the weekend and was really glad I did. I tried to take the day in small chunks so I didn’t get overwhelmed but dealing with everything I had to get through if that makes sense? I hope you can find a way to enjoy your birthday, you definitely deserve it.
It’s okay to feel sad for yourself, it’s so hard when you’ve had people who ‘get it’ and now all of a sudden there on a different part of the journey. Always here if you need to talk xx
Oh Vic I’m so sorry you’re struggling so much and want to send you the hugest of hugs..so much of your story resonates with me, I am 40 next month and it’s hit me more than any age, I just never thought this was how my life would look at 40 😕 I’ve also had 4 cycles and we decided to call it a day for numerous reasons (money, no frosties but mainly just sheer exhaustion and not feeling able to put myself through it anymore)
Never be sorry on here for the way you’re feeling, that’s what we are all here for. Although granted I’m not on here so much these days either, I also feel the same as you..I wouldn’t have much to say now that we have no treatment going on, only that I’m feeling low or having a bad day and I feel reluctant to bring everyone down, especially when there’s such good news.
Never underestimate how much you’ve been through and the impact it has, then starting a new job too, wow, that’s a lot and I think you’re amazing for just getting through it all (am I right in thinking you were also in child protection like I was, or I am getting totally muddled there?!)
It’s also extremely hard when it’s worked for others, it’s totally normal to feel ‘why not me’ no matter how much you love them. I only have one friend without children now and she will be starting her 2nd ivf cycle in the new year. She’s the loveliest person and I really want it to work for her, but I understand exactly how you feel when you’re left the only person in your position and feeling like you’ve lost your allies in this extremely tough game. My SIL recently had her baby and my sister is trying so it’s definitely all around and so so hard.
I’m sorry I don’t have any amazing advice, I just wanted you to know you’re definitely not alone..I hope this feeling lifts a little, you can enjoy your 40th and when you’re feeling strong enough, one of your frosties is the one. Big hugs xxx
awww hun thanks so much for the loveliest of messages..yes a new job..you remembered me right..after 4th bfn maybe not my best decision but I guess I should be kind of proud of myself..I just actually feel like I almost need a year off to recover. our counsellor said after 4 gos in one year we hadn't given ourselves time to grieve and I feel like it's all hitting me now😢worry is we don't have the luxury of time..guess our wee frosties aren't aging so hopefully one of them is the one..thanks so much again xx
You should absolutely feel proud of yourself hun, how you’re getting up and doing it all every day is amazing to me (I’m working from home for my hubbys company after redundancy) and you would absolutely deserve a whole year off 😳
Your counsellor is probably right, I feel that we also bounced from one cycle to the next but you’re so worried about your age & time running out, it’s a vicious circle. I also feel like we bounced from our last cycle to pursuing adoption but we then realised we hadn’t grieved or fully processed everything we’d been through (still haven’t really) so we’ve been having a break from everything.
I really hope brighter days are ahead for you, it’s the hardest thing to go through. Much love xx
Hey hun! Its a crap old time with the 40th birthday coming up isnt it?! As you know I couldnt celebrate properly as was in the 2ww having just flown home from Athens. I pretty much ignored my birthday and thought I would do something nice later but had a terrible time withdrawing from the meds. Im sure the reminder of the big birthday along with not knowing where life is taking us definitely magnifies how we are feeling as we are not where we want to be. I know its difficult but try not to focus too much on the birthday thing and just look at going away as a break from the norm. Im sure once you are there you will start to relax, if nothing else its just nice to be away from your own four walls, town in a different setting altogether. I always feel a wee bit better after a wee typing rant with my worries on here so hopefully its the same for you too. Could you arrange for another follow up appt at counselling when you come home perhaps? Even if its just for you? Im sure your hubby understands you being down and he wont mind you leaning on him, you would do the same for him. I think these things hit us at different times and it come in waves. My hubby had a hard weekend a couple of weeks ago and on Friday it came to a head with lots of tears. I think its just starting to hit him with us failing our cycle, losing his beloved uncle that was more of a dad to him and just generally feeling crap and "why us". My turn was on Sunday putting up the christmas tree of all things, I was all cheery then it hit me..... wondering if I'll ever have little ones to get excited for Xmas. Ive waffled a bit here but I guess what Im saying is its just a step at a time, one day at a time. Lots of love and hugs xxx
awwww thanks hun...your message means a lot. I fear my hubby is not coping and not saying as I am such a mess..you are right it's the wee things..I am now one of those women that cries uncontrollably at the smallest thing😢well I am up and went for a swim today before work so guess u should ne proud of that. .don't actually feel like Xmas but will get tree and force myself and hoping don't end up in tears😂lots of love to you xxx
I really cant be bothered with anything right now. Should be on a diet....can be bothered, should be xmas shopping...cant be bothered......the list goes on!
Good for you for heading for a swim today, I always think swimming is quite good for the soul and calming so well done you!xx
thanks hun..small steps..I am with you on diet and Xmas shopping..I am doing all the rings I shouldn't and none of the things I should😂xx
So sorry to hear you are feeling like this. It is such a unbelievably hard process and you are being incredibly strong. Sounds like you are doing all the right things, and it will time. Maybe think about speaking to your GP?xx
Thank you so much for sharing how you feel. Most of us feel that way most days. It just never leaves you no matter how cheerful you try to be. It's worse when you hear of pregnancy announcements or when friends plan activities for their kids and you are just the forever be aunty. I have had so many of those dark days and i just wish i could lock myself in the bedroom and not deal with anything or anyone and just cry. It's been one hell of a thing this Ivf.take care of yourself .sending huge huge hugs.
Hi Vic77 this is what this forum is here for, the treatment is hard enough but the before and after is just as hard and painful. Sometimes we have days when we just need to cry it all incredibly stressful and very tiring and we are all bound to have moments when we feel low. Your seeking help where you can too just know your not alone in all of this xxx
hi my lovely, so sorry to hear you’re going through such a shitty time. and shit it is.
you’ve been through a huge ordeal, not once, but 4 times - you’re entitled to feel the way you do. despair, rage, resentment. infertility is such a headfuck. the fact that two of your friends have had ivf success is an extra cruel blow (i totally get this - as i still can’t bring myself to talk to my pregnant sister)
not sure if you’re up for it, but i was recommended a book about grief called “its ok that you’re not ok” - it took me a while to accept that grief applies to me, but the book has really allowed me to just “be” with how i feel. i have felt so much pressure from well meaning friends & family to be myself again and i’m just not there.
it’s still very raw vic and you are doing amazingly.
sending love & hugs xxx
ICSI is, without a doubt, the hardest thing I have ever done. We did 2 cycles, both of which resulted in BFNs, and it almost finished me off. I was 40 in March, 2 days after our second negative pregnancy test, and by that point I hardly recognised myself: clingy, weepy, apathetic, paranoid, and just not engaging with life in any way.
I found my GP incredibly helpful; they referred me for counselling (which is great - so helpful!) and - crucially - prescribed anti-depressants and sleeping pills to help me get back on track.
Do what you need to do to keep your head above water: a new job and the constant grind of IVF/TTC might just be too much for you to manage at the moment and that's fine. You're only one person and you can only do so much.
See if your GP can help. Anti-depressants take a couple of weeks to kick in, so you might be starting to feel better by Christmas if you go down that road.
Other people's successes can be difficult to process - of course they can! It would be strange if you weren't feeling hurt and angry. Try to channel it appropriately, but don't feel you have to deny it.
Remember to take some time for yourself just to be: it might the best gift you get this Christmas.
H xx
Hi vic really sorry youre feeling so low i cant blame you tho youve been through so much. It is def scary the thought of being 40 im march when your biological clock is ticking. Take care xxx
So sorry to read your feeling so low!! This journey so takes its toll on every part of our lives - so cruel!! 😢
While I’ve not gone through half of what you have (1 failed fresh), I can totally relate to the 40 thing - I turn 40 in feb & it’s like a massive dark cloud lingering on the horizon!! I’m dreading it - I start my Frozen cycle Jan so the chances are I could be n the 2ww for my birthday!!
I really hope you manage to take time for yourself and your hubby and that you manage to get some enjoyment out of the Xmas period!! Sending you luv!! 💗xx
Thinking of you Vic - sorry you’re feeling so low. No advice, just what I tell myself, ‘all these things will pass’ xxx
You are not alone. I’m about to start my fourth cycle, I too have 3 frozen embryos. My last cycle was successful but sadly I miscarried. I have been feeling strong and ok. My hubby has been amazing. But all of a sudden I can’t stop crying. I’m scared about going through it al again. Its a rollercoaster but you have to keep going. Just keep talking about your feelings and don’t bottle it up. The stress is unbelieveable and the heartache seems never ending but you have to be in it to win it. Lots of love xxx
Lots of love. x
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