So our first transfer failed. We found out on Saturday. I keep going from numb, to angry to crying and feeling empty and lost. We have to wait until May for the next transfer which seems an eternity away. I don’t know what to do. My body doesn’t feel like my own and i feel like i have lost the person i once was. When will i be me again. Does this journey ever get easier?
Sorry this is a depressing post. I hope everyone else is surviving. Lots of love xxx
Hi Judy. So sorry to hear about your failed transfer. It is devastating and a grief. 3+ years TTC and I also feel not like myself and depressed, but still surviving. Sorry, not helping you feel any better but just to let you know you're not alone! Lots of love xxx
Hey. Thank you for responding. It is helpful to know that i am not weird for feeling like this. I just wish it would pass. Sending lots of love and hope back. Xx
Judy, I am so sorry you’re going through all this- I’ve been in the IVF world for 5 years now and I’m afraid the answer is no, it doesn’t get easier BUT:
1) YOU ARE NOT ALONE ❤️You have this lovely community of ladies who have been in your situation and felt what you feel, or still feeling it...
2) have you asked your clinic if they provide counselling so maybe talking about how you feel can help....
It’s an unbelievably hard process, where we have little control over it (although it seems we have a lot!) and we must have faith, and hope, and believe one day we’ll hold our babies in our arms ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sending lots of love xxxx
Hi Judy this is exactly how i am feeling. Had miscarriage in September then failed transfer just before Christmas. I tried to carry on like everything was okay but it all caught up with me very quickly. I felt, and still do feel, that i have lost myself and dont know who i am anymore. I felt completely lost and angry with everything and everyone.
I decided to take some time off work sk i could just let me self heal and behave how i felt not putting on an act- which is so draining. I also statted counselling which has really helped and i have spent time doing things just for me and trying to find things i enjoy again
We are hoping to start our next cycle in the next few months - if my weight gain sctually shifts. The many joys of ivf and hormones. Im hoping that the changes i have made will put me in the right place mentally and emotionally to go back through another cycle.
You are not alone. Sending lots of hugs x
Poor girl my heart breaks for u really does we did our transfer valentines day our test day is 26th its so so nerve wracking wondering the ifs and maybes, but we all hear in this together babe we all lean on each other for support ur never ever ever alone u hear me I know how ur feeling now but please god u will get ur mericle, we are trying 10yrs and this our first transfer our embryo looked amazing and couldn't wait to get going but quess it's a waiting game now I'm sending u loads hugs and good luck babe
Hey Lexigrace. Thank you so much for your kind words honey. It is really good to have such fab people to lean on. I have everything crossed that your transfer works. Sending so much love xx
Hi Judy, I’m sorry that your first round failed and that you’re feeling so low. It’s always hard when we have little control over the things we want most in life. My advice is that once you’ve processed your feelings, try to take it day by day whilst making the most of the life you have. No one can predict the future and although May is some time away it at least means that you now have a timescale and the interim is yours to make of it what you will, hard as it might be. Like yours my first transfer failed and was very upsetting but I decided to use the time in between then and my next transfer to plan my wedding and go on my honeymoon. I realised that the time had to pass and the months would pass no quicker for my convenience and so I had to think better thoughts and focus on what made me happy. I returned from my honeymoon so refreshed and my second transfer was a success which I could not have known at the time, only hoped for. I know that not everyone has as big a distraction as a wedding, but my point is that the failed transfer could have overshadowed my wedding had I let it. Take the time u need and seek whatever support you need, but then make the most of your present moments as May won’t come any faster. It may also be that May is your time and so remain hopeful. Rooting for you...x
I get you lovely. It’s hard. It doesn’t get any easier I’m afraid. That’s our second failed cycle. I’m much the same as you. Crying, angry etc.
Your hormones will be all over the place and as much as it doesn’t seem like your body is yours, you will start to feel normal again.
I gave myself 8 months in between our first and second cycle and I’m gonna give myself between 4-6 months with this one as well.
It’s hard. Not going to lie to you. You will get there tho. If it’s meant to happen it will. Keep the faith. Xxx
My hubs said it might be nice to have a couple of months off of the medication (i had some side effects from some of them). Sometimes we need a bit of a break as it is an intense journey. I am feeling a bit better today. Thanks you for getting in touch and i am sorry things didn’t work out for you either. Sending hugs xxx
Hi Judy18 I can really feel your pain..we have just had our first fail a few days ago. Like you I have been up and down with emotions. It makes the not being in control so hard. We have our review on monday...we thought everything was going well transfer went well but the 2 little bubbles just didnt implant for whatever reason. Ive been questioning myself...if theres something wrong with me. It's horrible when we doubt ourselves.Today I had a moment like Bridget Jones and decided to take control of my life 🙃 enough was enough I went and got my hair cut and got my nails done surprising feel better, my advice if it helps try and take one day at a time. We have no way of knowing what tomorrow will bring but try and do things you enjoyed before ivf cycle. I did some sport today-had a proper caffinated coffee felt good to not walk around like a bloated elephant. It's a good chance now to get ready for our next cycle and shift the extra pounds ivf stuck on us and feel better again
Wishing you all the very best stay strong lovely XX
I am so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. I did what you did and went straight back to the caffeine and painted my nails. It is still hard but feeling a bit better today. Just looking forward to feeling a bit more like me again. Good luck for the future. Much love and big hugs xx
I’m so sorry to hear this but you must know we are all here for you and this journey is tough and I was the same as you the first time questioning why it didn’t work -make sure you consult with your doctor what the next stage will look like! We did much more natural second time round and I have just had second cycle and got my BFP yesterday - your time will come I promise just keep the faith and look after you xxxx ❤️😘❤️
Congratulations of your BFP! I am so happy for you. Thank you for your kind message. Love and hugs xxx
Hi Tiddly. Firstly, many congrats on your wedding! I think you are right and me and my hubs can use this time to focus on other things. We have also thought about a holiday to relax before the next transfer. So we shall see. Just need to come to terms with this but feel a bit better than i did on Saturday. Thanks for offering some fab advice and support! Much love xx
Thank you and you’re so welcome. Take the time you need and then do whatever makes you happy and most comfortable. However, a holiday is a great idea if and when you can manage it. Wishing you the very best...x
Hi Judy, I’m so sorry to hear this. You are in the right place, we are a community of people struggling with infertility and we can feel your pain. Although I didn’t experience it myself, I’m sure you’ll get the support of people who have been through a failed transfer. Many had beautiful healthy babies following that, and I’m sure you time will come! I know this is a little consolation right now, but if you feel the need to talk to someone I’m here x
Thank you so much FrancyItaly. I am feeling a bit better today. It really is a hard journey but this forum has definitely made things easier. Just trying to focus on feeling better and hopefully seeing a bit of the old me. Lots of love xxx
I think that the first failed transfer is always the worst...especially if you have no frozen embryos to go to next - I only had one fresh embryo with my first round of ivf and I was heartbroken when it failed knowing I had to start all over again with the next round, so totally get how you’re feeling. Waiting till May sounds about right going on my clinic’s timeline. The time will pass and your pain will ease and you’ll be ready to go again xxx you certainly aren’t alone in how you’re feeling!!! As it turns out I needed 3 rounds and 8 embryos but it’s totally worth the long painful journey as I’m now 37 weeks pregnant so please keep going and don’t give up xxx
Congratulations on your 37 weeks. I bet you are excited to meet your little bundle. Thank you for sharing your journey and experience. It has given me some hope. Good luck and much love xxx
Hi there, I've also had a recent failed IVF cycle and can empathise with how you feel. It's really knocked me for six but it does get a little easier every day. Your body will start to feel like your own after you have come off the drugs. The journey doesn't get any easier but you do learn to live with it a little better as you go along. I wish you all the best and just wanted to reassure you that things will improve xx
Hi Hifer
I am feeling a little better today. Have been able to work from home the past two days. Not looking forward to going in to the office tomorrow but i am sure it will be fine. I think you are absolutely right in that we do learn to live with it a bit easier. Thank you for the reassurance and support xxx
Hi Judy18 sorry your cycle ended with a bfn. Just like scarllet said the first failed cycle is always the worst, I have been through it and I know how I felt.
It’s 3weeks now and I feel much better.
Try to be good to yourself and stay positive. Xx
So sorry to hear this Judy. I promise you it will get easier. I suppose it's a little like grief and time is a great healer. It's not the end though ♥️ May will come soon enough so try and look forward to it. I had a BFN for the second time a few weeks ago and really struggled but am feeling more positive now and cant wait for my new cycle 🥰 do you have any embies in the freezer? X
Thank you for your lovely words. We have 2 little frosties. You are right it is like grief. Feeling a bit better today. Pleased you are feeling more positive. I am wishing you luck and love xx
Aww you have two in the freezer, that's amazing 🥰 remember it doesnt work first time for most people but that doesn't mean it never will ♥️ thank you, you too. Try and keep positive and bring on May xxx
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