Struggling

[MomaJoni]

Hi Everyone, I thought I would come on here because it's hard to find anyone who understands how I feel. I am currently in my 2 week wait after my first try of IUI which happened on 3rd July. My test day is Friday 17th July and my emotions are getting more and more negative as the day draws closer.

As things go, they should be pretty positive, my PCOS symptoms have disappeared after my significant weight loss (5 stone), I produced 3 very healthy follicles. The sperm was healthy and the procedure went well. I started my 2 week wait feeling hopeful and optimistic but now I just feel like I know my body and I know its failed.

I feel like crying at the thought of taking the test. I just wanted to know if this is something anyone has felt? Am i overreacting? Do I trust my instinct?

I constantly feel a pit of dread in my stomach. Ergh, and to know I will be doing this all over again come next month really upsets me

[Florencenightingale]

So sorry you are feeling like this. Its very normal to question whether it's worked or not. You think you know what your body is doing, but until you take that test come Friday, you just wont know. I was adamant our IVF hadnt worked, I couldnt have been more wrong.

Stick in and try to take your mind off things, I found walking and meeting up with friends really helped me. Good luck for Friday, I've got my fingers and toes crossed for you xxx

[MomaJoni in reply to Florencenightingale]

Thank you. You have no idea how much this means. I'm getting a lot of pressure from my family. They're behaving as though it has already been a success with discussion names, and prams and changing plans for holiday next year etc but Im just feeling more and more like I am going to disappoint everyone and really make myself look silly.

It doesn't help that there is so much conflicting information online, some areas say I should expect symptoms, others saying there will be no symptoms, and all of the possible symptoms that I am experiencing just match what I always get with my period due anyway.

[Nat246 in reply to MomaJoni]

Every single women is different. Some have symptoms and some don’t (both are normal) so try not to read too much into symptom spotting. You’re doing great and don’t give up yet xx

[MomaJoni in reply to Nat246]

Thank you Nat. I think, because I have had so much disappointment over 9 years of TTC I am just ready for the bad news. I suppose we will soon see xx

[Florencenightingale in reply to MomaJoni]

That sounds really shit of your family. Honestly, no one will ever know the heartache we have went thru until they go thru it themselves. I personally would be putting them straight and asking that they calm themselves before you know what's happening. It must be exciting for them but theyve got to realise how they're making you feel.

Following transfer, my consultant told me that some women have symptoms and some dont, it really stuck in my head and I think it really helped me get thru the 2ww.

Dont ever feel like you're going to disappoint people, its completely heartbreaking but you've got to be positive lovely. You've got this xx

[MomaJoni in reply to Florencenightingale]

It's gotten to the point where I avoid talking about it with them because I get the comments like 'Take a test now then' or 'When I was pregnant, I took a test a week before I was due on and it was positive'..

Theres only so many times I can tell them that my body doesn't work like theirs. Im doing myself no favours really with the excessive reading and hunting for success stories. I suppose I need to be more grateful for my opportunities and make of them what I can xx

[Florencenightingale in reply to MomaJoni]

It must be so frustrating! Could your partner maybe have a word with the family? Its so easy to get excited but you've got to be prepared at the same time. I think I'd turn my phone off and ignore them of they continue, you dont need the extra stress. I dont think it's about being more grateful lovely, you've just got to be relaxed and take it easy xx

[Ivfgotadream in reply to MomaJoni]

I had this with my first IVF cycle - I think it’s a generational/lack of knowledge thing in that parents just have no idea of the success rates (or lack of)

I had zero symptoms in my 2WW last month - literally none - to the point I spent hours on google reading threads about no symptoms and chance of success - I’m now 7 weeks with twins and the only symptom I have is tiredness so honestly symptoms don’t really mean anything at this point x

[MomaJoni in reply to Ivfgotadream]

This has made me feel so much better. Congratulations by the way.

I had cramps for the first 5 days, my boobs have hurt since taking the trigger shot. They still hurt now, and I'm getting very slight amounts of discharge (sorry for the overshare) This is why I thought I was just coming on, because I can't find anywhere online that says that you get discharge during the 2ww. So frustrating lol

[Calyami]

Hi MomaJoni,

I know exactly how you feel. I’ve tried to keep it a secret but it’s actually really difficult so pretty much everyone knows I’m waiting. I had my IUI on 7th July and I’m testing on the 24th, it’s horrendous waiting.

Did you have a medicated IUI? I did and I’m on progesterone pessaries for the 2 weeks after the IUI. It’s important not to test early if you had a trigger shot, as this contains hCG (the chemical that a pregnancy test uses to determine if you’re pregnant). It takes 2 weeks for the trigger shot hCG to get out of your system so if you are on a medicated cycle, don’t test early (I know it’s hard).

I’m hoping the best for you, the side effects of my pessaries are sore boobs, bloating, and all the other symptoms of pregnancy so it’s killing me that I have no indication!! I know it doesn’t help but I’m thinking of you and I know how hard this is.

[MomaJoni in reply to Calyami]

Thank you Calyami, I’m really happy to have found someone in the same position. Mine was medicated and the sore boobs have continued since day one. I’m getting regular period symptoms now so I’m not holding a lot of hope of Friday and definitely won’t test early. I’m not on progesterone but I suppose if it doesn’t work this time I can suggest that for the next one. The wait is killing me. Keep crying unexpectedly

[Calyami in reply to MomaJoni]

I don’t think progesterone helps the IUI be any more success but I think it helps thicken the womb lining (I don’t actually know!) so maybe you just didn’t need it and I did.

I had a day where I cried all day, it’s so frustrating. My boobs are so sore too.

I know this is random but I’ve started doing jigsaws! It’s something I can do to keep my mind busy, because I couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I hope you can find something to distract you, just 3 days to go. Is this your first IUI?

[MomaJoni in reply to Calyami]

Yes this is my first try. We started one in March but it was abandoned due to COVID. The nurse was pretty confident and said we have a good chance but I’m sure they say that to everyone. I’m cramping a lot today and just generally feel pretty yucky.

[Calyami in reply to MomaJoni]

It’s my first one too, it’s quite terrifying because everything is new.

I’m sure they don’t say that to everyone! It sounds as though you have a really good chance but there really isn’t anything more you can do.

I had a bad day yesterday where I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I’m ok today but I’m sure I’ll go psycho again soon.

You’ve made it this far, just 3 more days xx

[MomaJoni in reply to Calyami]

Yeah we will have to keep each other informed. I hope everything goes okay for you xx

[MomaJoni in reply to Calyami]

Unfortunately my period came this morning so got to go through it all over again. Can’t help but feel devastated but I will not let infertility defeat me

[Calyami in reply to MomaJoni]

Oh I’m so sorry to hear this, you must be really upset. Your clinic will likely want you to take your test tomorrow anyway I’m guessing?

I’ve been thinking of you and checking back to see if you’ve replied, I’m also convinced mine hasn’t worked.

I think it would be bloody amazing luck for it to work the first time so I always went into this with little hope for the first cycle. They say your chances increase the more you do it.

Have you already paid for more? I’ve paid for 3 cycles so if this doesn’t work I’ll be straight back on it.

The good news is you responded really well to the treatment so I’m staying positive for you that it will happen.

I know you must be really upset but I’m here to talk if you need it xx

[MomaJoni in reply to Calyami]

I was upset but then I snapped out of it and remembered that I have more tries. Mine is NHS so I get 3 IUI for free and 1 IVF. I am going straight into my second try. Scan on Monday

[London_Lady1 in reply to MomaJoni]

So sorry for your news. But great that you're ready to get back on it and that you have your scan on Monday.

Have they suggested the progesterone pessaries? I'm IVF not IUI, but I had to start taking them after my egg collection until the end of my 2ww (and up to 12 weeks if pregnant) and when I had my embryo transfer the response I got from the doc was that my womb looked 'beautiful' super thick and healthy and I really think that's down to the pessaries. But obviously your clinic will advise.

Word of warning if you do take the pessaries are gross!

I'm wishing you the best of luck. You will get there! stay strong we are all here for you xx

[MomaJoni in reply to London_Lady1]

I have heard of them but I don’t think they prescribe them for IUI however I will definitely ask. I feel much better now that I have told my family that it didn’t work because I didn’t want to disappoint them. They were all so excited.

[Calyami in reply to MomaJoni]

I think it’s perfectly normal to be upset! I’m dreading telling my family too.

So good that they’re straight back on it from Monday. We’d been referred for NHS but we’ve been waiting for our IUI for almost a year.

Hope all is ok on Monday x