Struggling

[Hope4usall]

Hi

I returned to work yesterday following our miscarriage 1 month ago. I'm worried how I'm going to be visiting families with newborn babies in my line of work after what's happened this evening.

I've just been to slimming world after 3 months off to join again and had to leave as I saw a new mum and her little baby there. I couldn't face it, got upset and walked out. I can't even face seeing babies out in public!

We found out our baby that we lost at 12 weeks had Edward's Syndrome and just had the letter to say it was a little boy. How do we more on? I know it's going to take time. We have decided to name him, as he was our little boy and deserves to be remembered and acknowledged. He will never be forgotten. So heartbroken xx

[Emma04]

Oh my goodness you’ve been through a terrible time. It’s been almost 5 months since I lost our baby to mmc at 12 weeks. It does get easier but I’ve learned to protect myself - I’ve a friend who has a three month old that I can’t bring myself to go and see and like you I avoided babies as much as possible. I’m finding it easier than it was but it’s still there. You’ve only had a little time since your miscarriage still. Also preparing myself before hand often helps. I wish you luck back at work xxx

[Hope4usall in reply to Emma04]

Thank you for your message. Yeah I can relate about friends with babies. I have two close friends pregnant atm, and one of them had the same due date as I did. I've no idea how I'm going to face her for the first time and prepare myself to see her. I'm sure I'll work it out when I'm ready to see her. I'm so sorry about your loss. I hope you are doing okay. Sending lots of love xx

[staceymac83]

First of all so sorry for your loss! I also had a mc back in October and still avoid events now especially baby showers they are just a constant reminder of where I should be with my pregnancy. Am hoping it gets easier but its so painful. It’s completely normal how you are feeling and please remember you are not alone ❤️ xx

[Mantaray75]

I was gonna send you a message this week as we were both wondering how you were doing. Sorry its still tough but its early days.

It took me a long time to get over my miscarriage and even now I feel weird when I still pregnant people! Just avoid those situations if you don't feel comfortable.

I guess at least there is a reason why it didn't work out so you know that chances are you can still have success. Can your clinic offer genetic diagnosis on your remaining frosties?

Big hugs.

x

[Hope4usall in reply to Mantaray75]

Thanks for your message. Apparently checking the remaining frostiest isn't necessary as Edwards is a syndrome that occurs randomly and isn't genetic. That's what I've been told. I've emailed the clinic in Spain and they've said just to let them know when we're ready again xx

[Hidden]

I’m really so sorry. It’s such a tragedy and is so painful. I think it’s important that you’ve named him this way mourning and speaking about him becomes somehow easier. I haven’t been through a miscarriage but had a failed transfer last year and it knocked me really badly. So I can only just begin to imagine your pain and loss. But I work with pregnant and postnatal mothers and even now I struggle and at times feel down, resentful and really upset. Even seeing pictures in the press of pregnant celebrities gets to me. It gets easier and you just start accepting that this is part of your story even though it’s a sh*tty story. Lots of love and take care of yourself xx

[Cinderella5]

I'm so sorry to hear what you are facing going into work. I work beside maternity so can empathise about seeing babies. No advice as I can't imagine what you are going through but I'm sure what you are feeling is normal. I think it's a fabulous idea to name your much loved little boy, perhaps think about getting a little tree in the garden or a rose bush that you can plant together in his memory...something you can do together, a little rememberance. Huge hugs.xxxx

[Hope4usall in reply to Cinderella5]

That's a lovely idea. Thank you xxx

[Novice_knitter]

I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m not surprised you’re feeling this way around babies. People have given such good advice that I have nothing extra to add but wanted to send my love. What did you name him? Xxx

[Hope4usall in reply to Novice_knitter]

Thank you for sending your love. We haven't named him yet, but it already feels better that we know he was a little boy and that we will give him a name xxx

[Hidden]

So sorry for your loss, I am currently going through my second miscarriage and can empathise with some of your grief only mine was only 9 weeks so wouldn’t presume it’s the same as you. I too really struggle with babies and pregnant people. I want to scream at them that I had that too... and I can’t understand why it’s so ‘easy’ for them and worked and it didn’t for us... I think the naming and as someone else suggests something to have as a memorial is a really good idea as it gives you somewhere to escape to and grieve at. That’s what you need to do, grieve for son and what might have been, but in time it will get easier and you will start to realise it was great you got pregnant and you can do again.. or at least that’s how I am told we will feel.

Take your time, you are entitled to feel how you do, you’ve had a terrible thing happen to you. Hugs xx

[Hope4usall in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your message. I am so sorry about your loss. Losing a baby at 9 weeks is no less painful than at 12 weeks. Sending you lots of love and hope you're doing okay. Yeah it's important to grieve. I've found the Mariposa trust website really helpful xxx

[Mantaray75]

We planted a tree in the garden for the little one that we lost at 7 weeks. I always feel happy to see it sprouting new leaves and doing well. X

[Hope4usall in reply to Mantaray75]

That sounds lovely xx