Fertility Network UK
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Struggling!

3rd BFN and 1 miscarriage, I sometimes cannot believe that's my obstetrics history! Working as a neonatal nurse Id see women who have these histories and didn't have a clue before it happened to us! I can honestly say this is the hardest thing I have gone through. I feel utterly broken and not quite sure what to do with myself. I don't want to see any friends because most of them are pregnant or had babies. Why isn't it my turn. Why isn't it working for us!

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I really wish I had an answer for you. Have you had any tests re; the miscarriages? My tests have just thrown up positive for lupus anticoagulant which means by blood clots abnormally. I was tested for this in 2016 and it was negative then but after two missed miscarriages last year I was tested again. I’ve had three miscarriages all together now so I know the desperation, hurt and confusion you are feeling. I too avoid pregnant friends and their babies. I’m so sorry for your losses xx

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Thank you for your reply and sorry for your losses too. Its so heartbreaking!

I haven't had any investigation but Im not sure I'd be eligible. I just feel so lost at the moment xx

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OK I will xx

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I can totally relate to your post, Ive had 2 BFN’s and 2 MMC and it just feels unbelievable cruel! I to feel like I’m avoiding friends and so wish I had some answers for you and for myself. So sorry for your losses xx

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You too xx

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I wish I could say something to make you feel better or change things for you. Know that you have lots of support here and I know it’s hard with friends who can’t imagine what it’s like to go through what you have. Regarding investigations- you normally get referred if you’ve had 3 or more early miscarriages or if you have had a 2nd trimester miscarriage but not if you have had BFN after treatment.

Big hugs. X

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Thank you!!

Yes that's what I thought, I had one miscarriage and 3 failed embryo attachment, but I don't think they can tell me why, which is the hardest thing. I have endometriosis but they tell me that shouldn't be a problem!?

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Hey Amie!! I am sorry to know about your failures. You are going through a lot. But honey, don't lose hope. Stay strong and positive. You have got to fight all this through. You must consult some good doctor. Discuss your problem with him. He will guide you what you should do now. I am also on the journey of TTC. It is indeed a difficult one. But have to stay strong and positive. I have been gathering information about this clinic. They have friendly staff. They deal you with the best. You are free to PM me if you want to hear more. I wish you good luck in future.

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Thank you. Iv had a few issues with my clinic in the past and have kind of lost trust in them to be honest. I will have a debrief with my consultant but he always seems to palm me off xx

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You're in the right place here - there's nothing any of us can say except that we understand because we've all been there. Your job makes it much harder I would think. I've learnt now that I can be selfish and it's ok to be selfish so, if you don't want to see anyone then don't. Take care of yourself xx

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Yeah I have started to put myself first even though it's hard too. I'm dreading going Back to work so many of my colleagues are pregnant or have just come back from maternity leave one of which had there baby two weeks after what would of been my due date if hadn't miscarried, and she never shuts up about her baby. X

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So sorry to hear you’re struggling at the moment. I too have had one miscarriage and 3 bfns. No real words of advice but just to say, you are not alone, it’s a difficult place to be. Xxx

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Thank you. Its awful but nice at the same time to think your not alone xx

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Hi Amie, I just wanted to give you some support too. I totally hear your frustration. This is such a hard situation to be in. I find other people's pregnancies so hard to hear about too, and it really has impacted on my social life and friendships. I wish it didn't affect me in this way, because it then makes me feel like I'm a bad person. It's endlessly tough, and just remember that we all have days when we feel low and other days when we don't. Just be kind to yourself on the really tough days, and know that there's always people here who can listen and understand xxx

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Thank you!! It's great to be able to reach out to people who actually understand and not just smile and nod simpathetically xx

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Hi amie1

I know it so hard and so not fair. I’m a. Midwife/health visitor and I struggle working everyday. I don’t know how I carry on to be honest.

I have had four miscarriages and lost my little girl at 23 weeks. I’m doing ivf again now I don’t know how I get the strength to carry on.

Make sure you have all the screening tests completed including miscarriage bloods, thyroid function and genetics. Hopefully you will have a follow up to discuss your next steps.

My advice is keep going if you can and your turn will come.

All the best and we are all here for you xxxxx

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Oh you poor thing! I am definitely going to ask my consultant if there's anything I should be checked for again. I have under active thyroid but have been under a consultant giving me advice. Who knows. Good luck to you too!! If it doesn't kill us it hast to make us stronger hey! Or that's what I'm trying to tell myself xx

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I got a BFN today so I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone. Everyone has the right to feel negative because this is a massive injustice. But please keep fighting through the negativity and keep going. Be strong! Sending all my love and best wishes to you. Xx

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The same to you its totally rubbish xx

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Hey there. I hope that you're doing good. I'm really sorry for your situation. Having a family is a blessing. It's the ultimate goal of every couple. Children, in fact, are a blessing. Miscarriages and negative tests, break a woman both physically and emotionally. They're the worst things in a woman's life ever. Every woman wishes to have a perfect family. Being a nurse, you must have been facing many psychological issues too. You must be very strong that you're going through this. Just don't lose hope. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. You'll have your dream come true too, like others. So don't lose hope. Just wait for your turn. I hope that things get better for you soon. Take care of yourself. Much love

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Thank you x

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