Just a update and maybe TMI

[JLB2]

I just wanted to write an update on our journey after my last post and so many messages wishing us the best. I also want to write to to make people aware of how bad the situation can be because I was not at all prepared for how bad or painful this was going to be.

Unfortunately what we knew would happen happened last week and we had a miscarrriage on Wednesday.

I was away from home working for 2 days - 5 hours away from home. I travelled on Wednesday morning and at lunch time had lighr bleeding. I had been expecting it so thought i could just stick it out, stay in the hotel room, go to work Thursday and go home Thursday night - i was in no way prepared for what was to come.

By 2 the cramping had started, it was like period cramps but a little worse, i still though at this point that i would be fine, just take some pain killers and i would get through it.

Then with in an hour the horrific pain started. I was driving to the hotel and the pain was coming in waves, like no pain i have ever felt before and getting worse and worse. I decided i needed to go home and could then phone the EPU and get their advice.

I started the motorway journey and got 3 1/2 hours from home when i had to pull in to the service because I could feel something and knew i had to go to the loo. Sorry for TMI at this point. As i stood up out of the car there was a gush of blood and it was everywhere, my dress was soaked, it was running down my legs, just every where.

Fast forward to my return from the toilet and the clear up. I sat back in the car and couldnt move. I was doubled over in pain. I was determined to get home ro my husband and the hospital i knew.

I got about 30 mins further before i had pins and needles in my feet and hands, i was sweating and struggling to breath because of the pain and had to pull over. Spoke to EPu who said i needed to get to hospital due to pain and blood loss.

I ended up in hospital for 2 days, 3 hours away from home in a place i didnt know. My husband came later that night. The bleeding continued but not as bad, passed alot of tissue which the nurses took, scans and examinations confirmed we had miscarried.

Doctor has send tissue to be tested and the bleeding has all but stopped, which is worrying me slightly as the scan showed there is still tissue to pass.

We are both heart broken even though we had a good idea it was going to happen. I feel stupid for thinking that it would work for us and for allowing myself to get excited after BFP and for imagining that we would have a baby after 5 years of trying and waiting.

I know we will get through this because we are strong and we are fighters but for now we are broken, hurting and not okay.

I was in no way prepared for the physical pain or amount of blood. I was not prepared for how empty and heartbroken it would make us feel - even after reading so many stories about miacarrriage. I guess it just shows how different everyone is.

[Core]

I’m so sorry to read this, sounds like you’ve had an awful time and I can only imagine how difficult it is to have such a nightmare physically with all the devastating emotional pain also. Sending hugs xxx

[JLB2 in reply to Core]

Thank you so much

[Picalilli99]

Bloody hell it sounds like you have had a really difficult and traumatic time. I’m really sorry that you are going through this. Miscarriage is truly awful but going through all of that so far from home and in an unfamiliar place must be extra tough and really frightening. I understand the feeling of loss after the bfp after such a long time trying to get there (we have experienced this too). It is absolutely devastating. You sound so strong and you will get through this. But for now just try to take each day one at a time and try to look after each other. Sending you love and healing xxx

[JLB2 in reply to Picalilli99]

Thank you

[crisps88]

I am so so sorry to hear this, I really am. Absolutely gutted for you, it sounds so traumatic both emotionally and the physical side just awful. You must be heart broken and it’s devastating to have your dreams snatched from you like that. I am so sorry for you feel like crying to see your pain and suffering. We are all here for you anytime in any form. So sorry for you and hubby sending lots of love and hugs xxxxxxxxx

[JLB2 in reply to crisps88]

Thank you so much

[Lolepops]

I am so sorry you had to go through this . It sounds absolutely horrendous. Take care of yourself x x

[Dreams1982]

Big hugs sweetheart xx both my miscarriages have been very different and with my last one I ended up in hospital as the pain was so horrific with my adenomyosis xx please look after yourself and give yourself time to heal xx

[JLB2 in reply to Dreams1982]

Thank you. The pain was like nothing i have felt before. X

[Dreams1982 in reply to JLB2]

Big hugs and take it easy xx

[Hidden]

Yep I didn’t realise what miscarrying was like either it was like labour pains I had to get codeine from the dr for the pain its the most awful weird feeling passing clots/tissue dizzy from blood loss I’ve had 3 and each one was different. Sorry for your loss xx

[JLB2 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

[slupton]

I'm.so sorry to hear this it breaks my heart as I know exactly what your going through. I passed my empty sac in the bath with my 6 year old playing in his room so I couldn't make a noise the pain was horrendous and it broke my heart. I'm 4 months on from that now and it doesn't hurt as much and I find myself thinking about it much less. I really wish I could give you a hug because that's all I wanted. Thinking of you ❤ xxxx

[JLB2 in reply to slupton]

Thank you. So sorry that you had to go through that. It is an awful experience.

[Hidden]

I am really sorry you lost you baby, and it happened in such a traumatic way, you really suffered. You are absolutely incredible for going through such a thing. And very brave for sharing your story.

I know this is beyond painful but the pain will ease. I really encourage speaking to someone about it if you feel ready or feel the need, grief counseling or something. I was really affected by the blood and tissue passing. I couldnt get the image of the sheer amount and suddeness it passing I saw that image when I woke and throughout the days in my mind for months, it really traumatised me. I didn't seek help soon enough as I felt I should handle it like people handle miscarriage.

I really wish you all the best both a physical and emotional recovery

X

[gattonero]

I have no words, so heartbreaking to read what you’ve been through and still thinking how brave you’ve been to drive all that way all alone in such a state. I defo wouldn’t have been able to do it, paralised by fear and the pain. You really are a strong girl 💜. Take care of yourself, it’s so unfair what just happened to you and I pray that you will get over it soon. A big big hug, hun xx

[Rainbowhope]

I am so so sorry that you had to go through this. My heart goes out to you. IVF can take us go some dark places. You are so brave. Sounds like you are a beautiful determine woman. I hope your work will give you the time to recover. I'm so sorry once again..xxxxx

[Kitcat12]

😞 I'm so sorry you went through that. I agree that nobody really prepares you for the physical act of miscarriage and I too found it really alarmingly painful, although nowhere near as bad as what you experienced. Look after yourself lovely x

[Kama41]

I am so truly so sorry you have had to go through this. I understand how painful it can be emotionally and physically. My thoughts are with you xxx

[Starsandsunbeams]

Oh my goodness, you have been through such a lot. So sorry to hear about this, really hope you feel physically better soon and I'm sure it will take a while to feel mentally better, but you are fighters and strong and you will get through this. Sending love xx

[WaywardGirl]

You poor thing - I can’t imagine coping with all that alone and away from home...

I also underestimated what it would be like - I had a medically managed MC at around 8/9 weeks last September. It is a frightening and traumatic thing to go through. I was supposed to be going to Copenhagen the weekend mine happened and nearly went, thinking it would be like a bad period and that I’d cope. I’m soooo glad I stayed at home!

I hope you’re home now and you and your hubby are looking after each other.

If it gives you hope, I am currently 6+6 from a natural FET - a situation I never thought would happen as I had pretty much lost all hope after last time.

[JLB2 in reply to WaywardGirl]

Thank you so much and congratulations.

That is exactly what i thought. I just thought it would be like a bad period and i would be fine to carry on and be away for work. X

[Cinderella5]

Im so sorry for all that you've had to go through, sounds terrible! Look after yourselves, lots of love.xx

[Hidden]

Oh my goodness JLB. What a terrible time you've had. It sounds like you are a true warrior. Take care of yourselves.xx

[Skippy1982]

So sorry for your loss, it’s so cruel after 5 years of trying. Big hugs to you and your hubby xx

[Mumbi19]

So sorry you went through that alone, you were so strong. Nobody ever mentions that having a miscarriage is just like giving birth in terms of the pain and contraction. I wish you well conceiving and successful pregnancy.

[Shelleybean]

Tough to read what a traumatic experience you have had 😢 You must be amazingly strong to have gone through this alone. I can totally relate to the intense feeling of emptiness after a mc 💔 Counselling may be useful if you are open to it. Sending you the strength to heal and continue your journey in the future xx

[Bistbee]

I am so sorry you had to go through this, to be away from home and on your own must have been terrifying. There’s is such a misconception about the physical aspects of a mc, I haven’t experienced it myself but just hearing stories from friends who’ve gone through it, it’s totally traumatic and I just hope you can lean on your support network right now and get all the help you need to process all of this, sending lots of love 💛