Quick recap. I’m 10 weeks1 day pregnant. I’ve been brown spotting from week 7. I’ve had scan on week 7 and week 8. Baby good both times. Week 8 scan showed Hematoma. Friday night, the brown blood changed to red. All Saturday red bleeding, like a moderate period. 5 this morning I ran to the toilet and it was horrific. Nothing could have prepared me for the amount of blood. It was all over the toilet, the seat, all down my legs, totally destroyed my pad, knickers and pj bottoms. Then something dropped out of me. I don’t know if it was the baby or a huge blood clot. Neither me or my fiancé could face pulling it out and checking. We just flushed the toilet. My fiancé took me to Hospital, where I have been since. Until about 1400 I’ve been passing what the doctor says is small clots, but they don’t look small to me. I’ve also been leaking blood into cardboard pans, about a tea cup size amount every hour. The pain yesterday and this morning was awful, but now the nurses have given me pain relief, I feel a bit better. Over the last few hours the bleeding had slowed down a little, and I am not passing as many clots.
This has been such a visceral and frightening experience, but I really feel I am in the best place. At home I was terrified, so was my fiancé, neither of us have ever seen anything like the amount of blood. I’m 99% sure I have lost the baby. The doctors can’t say either way until the scan tomorrow. But I’ve accepted the loss.
I don’t want to hope anymore. I just want to accept. I just want to manage my bleeding and the pain, and get myself healthy again. 3 weeks of bleeding has took its toll. After the physical process is done, I will grieve. My grieving began 3 weeks ago, but I know I have along way to go.
I wanted to say that we are strong. I’ve never thought I’d be able to cope, but something deep inside has kicked in, and I know I have to get through this, and look after myself just now.
*sensitive* incomplete miscarriage 
