Anger and resentment : How have you... - Fertility Network UK

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Anger and resentment


How have you dealt with the anger and resentment that failure brings. There is no one to blame, there is no point to what ifs. But I just feeling like I’m eating up inside full of anger wanting to snap at anyone for disagreeing and even daring to agree with me. I saw the counsellor at the clinic on Wednesday and whilst it gives clarity on what I will do for next steps, it hasn’t helped me stop feeling like this. Despite long walks, going for a run, crying, acknowledging how I feel. I still angry.

9 Replies

Anger is part of any grieving process. Let yourself feel angry so you can move through the grief. You won’t stay angry forever but for now it’s what is keeping you going. Allow yourself to grieve. You have suffered a painful loss and are likely to be anxious about that loss happening again. That’s a big trauma for you so allow yourself to feel it. It will help. I’m so sorry for your loss. It is a pain like no other. Sending you a big hug. xxx

Daffodils1 in reply to _MrsC

Thank you MrsC.

I’m sorry you’re suffering. It’s so hard. Sounds like you’re doing things which although may feel like they’re doing nothing, will be helping. I felt exactly the same as you and went from being a really up person, always positive and really in to being fit and practicing yoga and mindfulness to hating myself and the whole world and everyone around me! Grumpy, argumentative, teary, angry, vulnerable, hurt, disappointed,’s a road we have to travel, there is no right or wrong way. Eventually the potholes and bumps become less and it gets smoother again. If you feel like you’re angry, go for a run, if you feel like crying, lie on your bed and cry (I do most of mine in the car actually!) Just keep doing what you’re doing and the anger becomes less and the mind less fuzzy and you can think about what next. I’m feeling a bit more like myself yesterday and today after 3wks of crying every day. Yesterday was the first tear free day! Anger is a natural part of the trauma and huge disappointment. Let it roll xxx

Daffodils1 in reply to lolly2019

Thanks, it’s not easy for any of us I know. Glad you are starting to feel slightly more like yourself. Xxx

I'm sorry you are going through this, to answer your question, anger definitely was a big part of my 'journey' - we are five years TTC without success and I definitely felt like I went through the grieving process, getting very stuck in the anger phase. All I can say is that it will get better whether you do get pregnant or not, but while you are stuck there find someone who will rage with you and know that you are not alone xx

Thank you, thankfully only a week until I can go out with my closest friends and hopefully can have that rage with them x

Hi Daffodils, sorry to hear you’re feeling like this, but trust me when I say you’re not alone. I spent 2 and a half years going through 6 rounds of IVF, 2 miscarriages, and donor eggs, and I was fuc**** furious. I hated everyone, or just cried on people! Went completely bonkers! But I had the most wonderful therapist, I saw him for 3 years and recently finished therapy (few weeks ago 😊). As the ladies have said you’re grieving, and it’s normal, but bloody awful whilst you’re going through it. Try and get yourself a therapist/counsellor and keep talking. I never thought I’d be in a situation where I could be happy again, accept my friends with new babies, and be content, but it is possible. I wish you lots of luck with your journey lovely xx

Aleelilook, so nice to hear that a therapist has helped so much. This is something I really am considering. Maybe a different approach of trying to deal with the loss will be healthier than shutting away to focus on each new attempt and then falling further each time. Thank you xxx

We don’t give ourselves enough credit for what we have to put ourselves through. Both physically and emotionally its so, so hard.

At the moment I am stuck in a rut, I can hardly motivate. Im finding it hard to get out of bed, I make no social plans, I LOVE my job but I cant even be bothered there and I used to be a gym bunny and haven’t had the energy to go. Im so hoping this will pass and ill get my oopf back!

Best wishes to you 💗

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