Puts Things into Perspective

[JoP32]

Hello you lovely lot. I’ve been a visitor to forums for a couple of years but only recently made the jump and joined one!

I just wanted to post something in the hopes it has the same impact on some others as it has on me.

Earlier this week I was told that my colleagues daughter-in-law has been diagnosed with terminal cancer with days left to live. She has a 4 year old and a 7 month old. She’s 32.

Hearing this news shocked & saddened me to my core and it struck me at just how bloody unfair life can be. Dying at 32 & having no choice but to leave a devoted husband to care for your two young children without you is beyond cruel.

The reason I’m posting this is because of the impact it’s had on me. I’ve been feeling pretty blue since our most recent loss in November, often feeling angry and so so so sad at the unfairness of what we’re going through and our struggle to achieve something that comes so easily to so many people.

Infertility is shit. It’s fucking shit. It slowly but surely saps hope and joy and it can leave you feeling very alone.

BUT, since hearing my colleagues news, when the frequent daily thoughts about our infertility journey pop into my head my overwhelming feeling is no longer of anger/sadness/jealousy, instead it’s of being grateful. Grateful that we’re here & healthy and that whilst this rollercoaster of a journey sucks, my god am I grateful that I am able to continue this journey. To be able to keep fighting the fight. To be able to keep working towards that happy ending. And to keep the hope, no matter how faded that may seem at times, particularly in the wake of another MC/BFN/cancelled cycled etc.

We’re all going through our own personal struggles in this life and this week I’ve truly (and finally) realised it really isn’t what you don’t have that should be focused on, but what you do have: Familly, friends, pets, a loving partner/husband, a future.... even if that futures ends with us not having children in it, it’s still a future.

I hope this post is taken as it’s intended - I don’t mean it as a preachy message about seeing the best in everything, I just honestly wanted to share how I felt because this week my mind and heart have been clearer and less bitter than they have in months and I hope that by reading this it helps others feel the same too, even if just for a short while.

Wishing all you brave, wonderful ladies a wonderful 2020 and despite what I’ve just said above, I still of course hope everyone gets their 🌈babies very soon! 😘🥰 xxx

[MumofaSpaniel]

What a reality check! I have had a shitty week with auntie flow and more waiting for appointments, my husband really pissing me off and friends saying the wrong thing! I have a chance, something to aim for, and support that I need to talk to or I can expect them to help me!! X

[JoP32 in reply to MumofaSpaniel]

I’m so sorry you’ve had a shitty week, I can absolutely relate 😔 Waiting for appointment after appointment is so frustrating! The constant waiting for something is one of the worst things, for me, about this process. I hope you feel a bit brighter and can start moving forward again soon. Xx

[Hidden]

Thats a horrible thing to happen at 32!

Life is bloody unfair isn't it?

It's normal to feel jealous when you have difficulties in achieving something that is supposed to be so easy and natural but you are right when you hear news like that you come to realise that most matters are petty when you put them into context.

[JoP32 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Catgirl, you’re right. Xx

[Hidden in reply to JoP32]

I remember hearing that an old colleague had incurable lung cancer after she had been sacked for having been sick too often and one girl had said how it was yet another example of how life isn't fair as the ex colleague was only 53 when it happened and sadly she died just before Christmas 2018 only 54.

Another example of life not being fair is an old friends sister dying of a brain tumour when she was only 27. All we could say to my old friend was it woukd have happened anyway no matter what she did or didnt do and how life is random and unfair was the reason it had happened same with infertility it happens due to the fact that life's events are random and unfair.

[JoP32 in reply to Hidden]

Oh god! Both of those examples are devastating. Thanks for sharing, it helps to remember how lucky we are really (even if we feel very unlucky in many ways) xx

[Hidden in reply to JoP32]

Is that your dog in the pic then? Everyone goes through problems in life and feeling bitter over infertility is normal and there's plenty of sorrow to go round so negative feelings towards infertility don't mean that there's less sorrow for those going through things like terminal cancer as if you feel infertility is a tragedy to you as it's something thats important to you then it is and how you feel is valid as one thing I have learned from my experiences is how what's silly and trivial to one person isn't to someone else.

[emmab178]

It's good to refocus on what I take for granted. Thank you for the message x

[JoP32 in reply to emmab178]

Thank you Emma. I hope 2020 is your year! 🤞🏻🌈😘 xx

[jenny34]

What a lovely, honest post. So sorry to hear of your colleague's dil. Heartbreaking. Wishing you all the best and all the luck in the world as you continue your journey xxxxx

[JoP32 in reply to jenny34]

Thank you Jenny. And wishing you all the best and all the luck in the world too!!! Here’s hoping 2020 is our year! 🤞🏻🥰 xxxx

[Jazmin222]

I do agree news like that is tragic!!

I saw on the news this week a poor mum in her early thirties with a husband and young child ....struggling to communicate as MS had taken hold and she was in constant pain and death would be inevitable.....I was so shocked and just wanted to cry for them!!

It’s so important to count your blessings ..... and very easy to forget the good!!

I too am feeling a bit down about how life ‘should have been’ ..... but think I’m focusing entirely on the wrong things!!

Thanks for this post and reminding everyone that some people have challenges even bigger than our own! Xx

[Hidden in reply to Jazmin222]

After I left a toxic job due to bullying I was out with one of my friends and she asked how I was coping with the loss and I said I was OK about it after I had grieved the loss of what supposedly should have been and how I had come to accept what is and how I came to accept it was to think of what happened as a gift as it got me out of that job but still I grieved over what I had lost the future I hoped to have had and shattered dreams which is what infertility is it hurts because your dreams are shattered if that explains it.

[JoP32]

Hi Jasmin. Oh gosh, that’s so sad! 😔 Life is cruel to so many it seems 😔

I’m really sorry you’re feeling down. Me too, for months. I’m not professing that this ‘positive thinking’ is going to last for very long but I’m going to try and keep it up as long as I can!

I hope 2020 is your year!! I’ll keep everything crossed for you! 🤞🏻🌈😘 xx

[Afrohair]

Thankyou for this post I’ve been trying to think more positive in this way. I do have children but struggling for my next I have to keep saying what will be will be !although sometimes thoughts about the future crop up and I’m approached with many decisions about my future fertility journey I’m very grateful for what I have and the nice things we can do together sometimes it takes looking at a negative thing to make us feel a bit better silly as it sounds,glad to see I’m not the only one trying to see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel this time last week I might not have.now spring is coming I’m hoping my mood will get better.in summer I always feel slightly better x

[JoP32 in reply to Afrohair]

You’re welcome Afrohair. Yes, I’m the same, everything feels that little bit better when spring arrives! Hopeful we have a great spring/summer this hear! I hope you get everything you’ve hoped for in 2020! 🤞🏻🌈😘 xx

[Littlepeax]

Wow, such an amazing inspiring message that really hit home ♥️ so very true xxx

Let's all be thankful for what we do have.

[JoP32 in reply to Littlepeax]

Ah, Thankyou Littlepeax. Wishing you every success in 2020! 🤞🏻🌈😘 xx

[recidwen]

Yes. That stopped me scrolling. Going to snuggle my puppy. Love to you xxx

[JoP32 in reply to recidwen]

Enjoy the snuggles! Love to you too xxx

[Hidden]

It is so sad to hear your colleague's daughter in law's story. I totally agree that we gotta focus on the positives and be grateful for little things we have in life while we are on this journey. Sending you lots of baby dust. X

[JoP32 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Dreambaby. Sending lots of baby dust right back at ya! Xxx