Still not coping 3 weeks following failed FET

[Jessy1280]

Really struggling to hold it together since failed FET. I'm barely in work a full day which is totally not me.

I'm soooooo scared it'll fail again second cycle. I just don't know how to make the next one stick 😢.

I've got the clinic to agree to a hsg test as I'm paranoid there's something wrong with me having never been a mum. Also got them to agree to endometrial scratch and imsi (instead of icsi as we lost 10 of 13 fertilised eggs last time). I know hfea say the jury's out but I can't face another failure. Its beginning to put our relationship to the ultimate test. I've become paranoid my OH will go elsewhere as he can't deal with me being down all the time. So for the moment I'm feigning smiles and happiness.

Anyone out there got preggers 2nd cycle? Xxc

[Baby_gurl]

I am sorry you’re struggling as I know how heartbreaking it is when it’s not a positive result. It is important that you take care of yourself during this time and allow yourself the time to grieve. One thing that really helped us was seeing an ivf counselor after my two failed cycles and just being able to express ourselves in ways we otherwise wouldn’t have as our hearts were broken. If counseling isn’t your thing, find something else that helps you self soothe. Try to find ways to express to your partner how you’re really feeling as he is probably also hurting, he might just show it in a different way. It is very normal to feel the way you’re feeling after a failed transfer.

[crisps88]

So sorry to hear you’re struggling. Ivf is such a cruel and emotional rollercoaster it’s the most painful thing ever in terms of your emotions and your wellbeing. I did things I enjoyed I really did, I just drank what I want , ate what I want, went on holiday, went out with my friends, did spa days just general things to totally free myself from the chains of ivf. You can almost continue a normal life once that first one is over.

Its heart breaking but then I concentrated on my relationship getting back to normal to enjoying everything we used to do. Not life revolving around ivf. It’s such a trial and error your first cycle please look at all the ladies it just happens so rarely. You’ll never have been through something like this before and it’s just seeing what works and what doesn’t. In a costly and sad way!

My second cycle changed slightly in terms of I had a medication increase and took 16+ supplements as egg quality and quantity was our(Mine really!) issue. And we Are pregnant now with 3 top grade Frosties. Our first cycle was absolute failure and didn’t even make a blastocyst. I’m off for my viability today, good luck Hun there’s a long road ahead for us but I hope for your miracle baby. Xxxxx

[Jessy1280 in reply to crisps88]

Thank you for your replies. I'm desperately trying to put it out of mind. I feel much in limbo at the moment waiting for the second cycle. We're trying to get back to normally with meals, cinema and booked a holiday. I'm just do scared of failure again as its nearly broken our relationship. I want it so much and he's chilled about it all x

[Hidden]

I am so sorry you are struggling, it does get easier and gradually you will feel more positive about trying again.

My one tip however would be don't rush into starting again if you feel any negativity towards the next cycle. The worst thing you can do is start off a round worrying it won't work. You need to be 100% positive about it happening. Ive had 3 cycles and did get a BFP on my second cycle... generally the body tends to react better each time so you never know this next one could be it. I went into cycle 2 so positive and felt it would work the whole way through. Sadly I had a MC but I then went into the third cycle feeling so down and negative its no wonder it didnt work. I really believe positive thinking has a lot of impact. I think I read somewhere on average it takes most women 3 cycles to get their BFP. Just because one round failed does not mean the next one will. As you have already identified there are loads of new things that you can try.

It is a really difficult journey and puts heaps of strain on a relationship, no one really understands the ups and downs until you go through it. I agree with Crisps you really have to try and focus on your relationship and who you were before IVF and don't lose sight of that person, because you can very easily lose yourself and get all consumed by it and thats not going to help anyone. Speaking as someone who has been there I know how hard it is but you can do it. Give yourself a deadline for your upset and then from there positive head back on again x

[SunnyDream]

Hi dear. I remember myself after my first failed IVF. I thought that my life had ended that moment. I was completely broken and couldn't have got rid of the depression for several years. But when I understood that I'm just killing myself, killing my DH and ruining my family I stopped. I gathered all my strength and went forward. And you know, I am proud of myself! Now, I really understand and know that I am doing all my best to have a child. And I will definitely have it sooner or later!!! Wish you the same hun.