Failing pregnancy/Miscarriage

[Ses777]

Hello everyone, hoping to find some support on here. We fell pregnant with our only embryo from our final IVF/ICSI cycle. We couldn’t believe our luck and were completely over the moon. At our 6 week scan they could see the gestational sac, yolk sac but no fetal pole. We were told not to worry as it was so early. Between week 6 and 7 I noticed my symptoms disappearing. At the 7 week scan we were told there was no fetal pole or heartbeat and passed to our local hospital to manage the miscarriage. I went to bed and cried for a week, the pain and feelings of loss were overwhelming. A week later we went to hospital to discuss miscarriage management and they did a scan just to confirm before proceeding but this time they couldn’t confirm the miscarriage as there was what looked like a fetal pole and heartbeat. We were told it’s a failing pregnancy and that there’s no hope as what they can see at week 8 is what they would expect at week 6. So we have to return next week to confirm the miscarriage. By then I’ll be 9 weeks. Having a miscarriage is bad enough but seeing a heartbeat after being told there’s nothing there and knowing that our only hope of a child is failing slowly is just torture. I’ve had no spotting/bleeding at all. I have this tiny hope that we will go on Thursday and there will suddenly be a thriving pregnancy but we’ve been told this won’t happen plus the complete disappearance of my symptoms tells me there’s no hope. Has anyone experienced anything similar? Xxx

[ruth1988]

I don't have any advice to offer but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this and I feel your pain. We're in a similar situation, but we had a heartbeat at week 7 then it had stopped by week 10. We're waiting to find out our options. It was also our only embryo, so we're absolutely devastated.

Hope you get some answers soon x

[Ses777 in reply to ruth1988]

Hi Ruth, thank you so much for messaging. I’m heartbroken for you. The pain and loss is just completely overwhelming isn’t it. We just feel completely hopeless after 7 years TTC and 3 cycles to get this far and have it taken away is just torture. I just don’t know where we can go from here. I know there is no hope, they’ve made it very clear. I’m absolutely dreading having to go through the actually miscarriage as well. I expect you are feeling the same. Thinking of you both, keep in touch xxx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry we are both going through this. It is truly heartbreaking. I’m praying so hard for you, and you have your miracle on Thursday 🙏 xxx

[MyLittlePinkness]

Girls, i’m so so sorry reading these posts . TTC and ivf is just cruel. Mind yourselves. Sending you virtual hugs.💕💕

[Ses777 in reply to MyLittlePinkness]

Thank you so much 💛 I’m so glad I found this forum as all the support is so appreciated xxxx

[Missl73]

This happened to me with my first pregnancy and it’s awful, I’m so sorry you are having to go through this it’s devastating. We had 3 scans with a heartbeat before my baby girl died. You need to take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve and feel angry at how unfair it all is.

To share a little glimmer of hope, the day I went for my surgery after my missed miscarriage was miserable, it was the middle of December and freezing cold and pouring rain and matched my unhappy mood. When I came home from hospital and we turned into my street, there was a huge rainbow over the top of it - I still have the photo- and I just wept because I felt it was a sign that I would get my baby one day. I now have him, my beautiful rainbow.

[Ses777 in reply to Missl73]

Thank you so much. It’s just horrendous isn’t it and so heartbreaking to come so far. I’m so glad you have your wee rainbow baby and it does give me hope 🌈🌈🌈 xxx

[Hidden]

I’ll be thinking of you today and sending all the love and positivity 🙏💗 xx

[Ses777 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for messaging. We had our scan this morning, there’s no change in growth and no sign of a heartbeat so we are going in for medical management on Monday. There’s no words to say how we feel but we were expecting this outcome which means at least it wasn’t a shock. Also the EPU were very kind to us and gave us loads of time to discuss our options, we are so grateful for the care they showed us today. I really don’t know what to do with myself or where we go from here. I am hoping so much that you get positive news. How are you feeling? 🌈💛🌈 xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Ses777]

oh my god im so so so sorry, no matter how you prepare for this, it does not make it any easier. Its so nice to hear the clinic treated you so well and offered you the support you need and deserve. I'm trying to prepare for the same outcome but still holding on to that glimmer of hope. I just know it wont be good news though. I'm feeling ok, my boobs are still sore and tender so that's a bit of head mess.

if you don't mind me asking, what made you choose the medical management route over the surgical? i have no idea on the pros or cons of either.

im sending all the love and thinking of you. Im so sorry you are going through this xxx

[Ses777 in reply to Hidden]

I think the biggest thing for me that stopped all hope was losing all my symptoms and just instinct that I’d felt pregnant before and then didn’t feel pregnant anymore. I think you should definitely still have hope. Is your scan the 1st of August? Honestly I’m hoping so much that you get good news 🌈

They spent ages going over the 3 options and gave us the pros and cons of each. I definitely didn’t want to wait for it to happen naturally as I still haven’t had a speck of blood so my instinct is it would take weeks. I know surgical would have been the easiest option but I felt that it might help with the healing process to take the medical option so that I physically have to go through it. I chose hospital over home because I wanted the support from the staff and also I know that they can give much stronger pain relief in a hospital setting than what they can give you at home. I felt that it was an impossible choice and didn’t want to chose either 🥺 I know what I’ve chosen will be absolutely horrendous but my hope is that it helps with closure xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Ses777]

Aw honestly my heart breaks for you, to have to chose any option, but like you say it may help with closure and it’s absolutely what you need after going through this for so many weeks. 😔 it just hurts so much knowing what we have to do to even get to this point.

Yeh my only issue is my bleeding and pain I had at the start and my up and down hcg. Also the fact my last scan which I should have been 8 weeks only sac yok and fetal pole but no heart beat I think is why I have no hope and they also basically told me to prepare for the worst. But then they’ve said that at my last 3 scans now and it’s grown each time 😣 I’m just not sure coming off my medication was also the right thing to do. But that’s not my call. Yeh my next scan is Monday morning, to be honest like you I just want closure now one way or the other.

Least then I can start to deal with the grief.

Please be kind to yourself 💗😔 xxx

[Ses777 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Sammy, thinking of you today and hoping so much you have good news at your scan. 💛💛💛 xxx

[Hidden in reply to Ses777]

Hi Ses777 thank you so much for reaching out. Unfortunately it’s the end of the road for us too. There has been growth but just not enough. I’m in for surgical removal first thing tomorrow. I just wanted it over as quick as possible. I feel so numb right now I just feel like I can’t breathe. Is it today you’re having your medication? I really hope you’re ok as you can be, and it is not painful for you 💔😔 xx why is life so cruel xxx

[Ses777 in reply to Hidden]

Oh Sammy I’m absolutely devastated for you. I was really hoping that you would have a happy ending. I completely understand how you are feeling, the loss is overwhelming. I think you’ve made the right decision as it’s already gone on for so long. I’m in hospital right now, not long started the process. I know it will be horrendous but I can’t wait for it to be over so we can start trying to heal. Life is just so cruel. Thinking of you and sending you so much love ❤️ xxxxx

[Hidden in reply to Ses777]

You’re so right, it is so overwhelming. It doesn’t seem quite real yet, I think because I still have pregnancy symptoms it just hasn’t sunk in but I know it will tomorrow and I can finally get closure.

How are you my love, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this today. I can only imagine the pain 🥺 I hope your home now and snuggled up.

Thank you so much for your support and I’m here if you need to chat/vent 💗😔 xx

[Ses777 in reply to Hidden]

Been thinking of you today. I hope you are recovering ok and this brings you some peace after such a horrendous few weeks. I was very lucky yesterday, I think because everything had started naturally over the weekend it was extremely fast and completely painless. The care we were given really made a huge difference as well, they were all so kind. I’m feeling utterly miserable today, just don’t know how I’m meant to just go back to normal as if nothing has happened. Thinking of you and sending lots of love ❤️ xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Ses777]

Hey, thank you so much. I have to say yesterday was probably or was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. I got there at 7am didn’t leave until 7pm what was meant to be a half hour procedure I was in theatre for 4.5 hours as they couldn’t get the baby out due to my cervix being to closed and being right at the back of the womb. Dr said some other things when I come round but you know I was completely out of it I don’t even remember. But I don’t think any damage was caused which is the main thing. I then took a funny turn after coming around from the GA my heart rate my fever etc And I was so nauseas. I’ve never had GA before so I really didn’t know what to expect but all the meds they give you sent me side ways. It was just horrible from start to finish. From not being able to get my cannula in so they had to try 5 different places in my hand said they never known veins to spit needles back out. Also had to have the biggest injection due to a rare blood type which can cause issues with pregnancy (now this has me worried for future) I then bled quite badly but thankfully it’s eased since being back from. I’m physically and mentally exhausted. Yesterday it had so much going on it hasnt quite sank in what was happening. Woke up this morning and it’s hit me like a tonne of bricks. I feel empty, I know the pregnancy wasn’t viable but I felt a certain way knowing it was inside me now I know it’s empty 💔

I’m just not sure I see any way of getting over what we’ve been through, like you say how the hell can we just go back to normal. What’s even harder, my two best friends are due to give birth within the next few weeks and the thought of it makes me so sad 🥺😪

I’m so glad you were ok Monday and it was quick and painless for you and you had loads of support. It’s comforting to know and it must have been so difficult. I hope you are taking it easy over the next few days.

Are you able to take time off work? Sending you lots of love xxx

[Ses777 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Sammy, How are you? I really hope you are doing ok. It’s been such a tough time. My emotions have been all over the place. It’s been a month now for us both. I’ve been back at work for 3 weeks, I’d been off since May so needed some kind of normality. It’s so strange just carrying on as if nothing has happened. I’m so sorry about your horrendous experience. I can’t even imagine what that must have been like. I think mine was so straightforward because my body had already started the process a few days before. How are you keeping now? I’ve been thinking of you, sending lots of love xxxxxx