*Sensitive* - Missed miscarriage at 9 week scan, looking for hope and direction

[Minniemouse88]

Hello ,Firstly, I hope you are all okay. I haven't posted for a while but just feel the need to share and seek some light at a dark time

After transferring our 5th and final embryo from our first round of ICSI (due to severe male factor issues), we were overjoyed to find out that at last we had a positive test with good HCG levels all achieved naturally. 6 week scan went swimmingly with a good heartbeat and measurements. I felt all the symptoms, nausea, enlarged breasts everything

Yesterday at our 9 week optional scan, everything came crashing down. To my shock, scanning nurse said " it's not good news today, baby hasn't developed and no heartbeat." I wailed inconsolably with shock.

I'm now waiting for medical management of the missed miscarriage but wondering what all this means for the future. I already had recurrent implantation tests after 4th transfer and they showed nothing wrong.

Should I take comfort knowing I did manage to get pregnant? We have another funded round, but I will be 36 soon and just panicking that the future.

Like so many of you I dreamed the nightmare would be over and had begun planning the future. How do you pick yourself up?

Sending love to everyone who is going through their own strife. Xxx

[RedFox23]

Hi Minnie, unfortunately I have no words of advice but I just wanted to say I share your pain. We had the terrible news recently too, our baby’s heart had stopped beating. It’s truly awful and I’m sending you lots of love. I’m a similar age and I know exactly what you mean, we’re not ready to try again but I know that time is ticking by! This whole journey is a roller coaster ride! X

[Minniemouse88 in reply to RedFox23]

So sorry for your loss too. Sending you lots of love and hoping things are gradually feeling easier as time goes on. Thank you for sharing - it helps knowing you are not alone xxx

[Asha82]

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss, I know how heartbreaking it is because I experienced it last year in May, I was almost 9 weeks pregnant when I was told I had a missed miscarriage which destroyed me but I didn't give up, I waited 2 months and did another cycle this time a frozen cycle and I'm now 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant and I'm 41 years old so you definitely don't have to worry about your age, I wish you all the best for the future and hope you get your rainbow baby

[Minniemouse88 in reply to Asha82]

Thank you Asha, sorry you have been through this but also congratulations to you. Stories like this bring a little bit of hope in a dark time. Wishing you all the best in the final few weeks as you wait for your little one xx

[Asha82 in reply to Minniemouse88]

Thank you so much I appreciate it xx

[Twiglet2]

I am so so sorry that is heartbreaking 💔 yes there is comfort that you got pregnant absolutely in terms of your future tries but I know that will be of little comfort now. Hopefully they can test the foetus to see if any reason to be found, although there isn’t always an explanation, but in no way does this mean the next one will end the same way 💜 in the mean time lean on everyone you can and be kind to yourself there is nothing expected of you right now than to look after your own needs xx

[Minniemouse88 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you xx

[Sparklylife]

Oh I am so so sorry for your loss! I have no advice, but wanted to send you a big hug!! Look after yourself! 🧡

[lulubelly1983]

I’m so sorry to hear this there is nothing worse than when the nurse turns to you with that news I had it in January I just couldn’t believe it the feeling in the room was just awful I wanted to whole world to just swallow me up, keep trying no one knows why these things happen I went straight into another transfer and I’ve got BFP am two weeks away from my viability scan and it’s the most awful wait the thought of going to that scan makes me feel sick it’s an hour drive there and don’t know how I’m going to do that drive and climb on that bed, im already not sleeping 😨 as you did have a heartbeat previously I wonder if they might agree to do some tests for you to find out why this happened? I’m 40 so please don’t give up hope 💜

[Minniemouse88 in reply to lulubelly1983]

Thank you and sending love and best wishes for your upcoming scans xx

[HedgehogMad]

I'm so sorry to read this Minnie 💔 wishing you every comfort and strength as you navigate this with your partner. I would take the fact you were able to get pregnant as a positive sign for the future (our consultant said that at our early chemical, that it improved our chances). You've gotten a lot further than us though which I would say is positive for the future. But it doesn't take away the pain you are in now. Sending you so much love xxx

[Minniemouse88 in reply to HedgehogMad]

Thank you, your words mean a lot at this time. Just trying to take it day by day and keep going as best I can. X

[HoneyB11]

Hi Minnie,

So sorry to hear you’re going through this. I had a similar experience end of last year - my viability scan showed baby measuring small so was referred to EPAU for another scan a week later which showed improved growth and strong heartbeat. Then started bleeding just two days before my 12 week scan to discover a missed miscarriage where baby stopped developing at 8 weeks.

I felt so numb - there were no words. I couldn’t even cry at first. I didn’t want to see anyone to start with - just needed to process my own grief. I had a natural miscarriage which thankfully happened quickly (two days after my hospital appt) which was the most painful experience of my life.

A few days later I decided I should try and let my friends and family be there for me rather than pushing everyone away. This really did help and though I was very fragile and went through all the emotion and stages of grief slowly letting myself find joy in things again and try to normalise my day to day routine helped.

I booked a break away with my husband in the countryside and went for long walks. Had a spa day and planned some things with friends to keep myself busy.

One of the hardest things I found was all the targeted pregnancy ads so I tried to stay off social media for a few weeks.

I’m 39 so you have a few years on me which is in your favour. We’ve made the decision to explore donor eggs now to give us a better chance as I have low AMH so we didn’t get any help from the nhs.

My acupuncturist simply describes it as a numbers game if the tests are showing nothing wrong and if you can afford to keep going then eventually one will stick. I’ve had two MC now but docs say at my age 1 in 2 pregnancies results in MC so that’s normal. They seem convinced there’s nothing causing it, just the odds are against me.

If you have another funded round then all you can do is give yourself some time to heal until you’re ready to go again. For me it’s been three months before I’m ready to explore options. I have my follow up next month but will likely be switching clinics.

Try and do things that make you smile (even a little). We’re all sos resilient to embark on this ivf journey - it’s not easy at all but I know when I get my miracle baby it will all be worth it and I’m not ready to give up on that dream yet.

Best of luck

Lx

[Minniemouse88 in reply to HoneyB11]

Such a lovely message, thank you. I'm sorry for all you have been through too. Definitely feeling numb at the moment and just waiting for the physical side of things to be over.Booking a break sounds like a good idea. I definitely feel as though work will need to get put in its place for a while. I hope in time to venture back out into the world and resume a routine as I know it will help me.

Your positivity is inspiring and I really wish you all the best for your miracle.

Thank you again x

[Skittles11]

Hello Minniemouse88 Am so sorry to see your most recent news. It's dreadful to get this heart break which can come out of the blue when things have been looking to be going well.

You asked a couple of questions in your post. My opinion is yes, it is a good sign for the future given that implantation occured. That does not however take away the devastation you currently feel.

How to pick yourself up? I think time is key here. Be patient with yourself, it is a massive blow and that takes time to deal with not only the physical but also the emotional impact which can be far more complex. There is no right or wrong way to deal with it. Treat yourself to things as well. Counselling can be helpful. Allowing yourself to do things you want to do, distractions, hobbies etc. Do you have any close friends you can talk to?

I have had a recent loss myself too though it was much earlier, I've had 3 altogether and one was at 15 weeks so believe me when i say it is not easy. I understand. But you will be okay and you will survive.

X x

[Minniemouse88 in reply to Skittles11]

Thank you Skittles and so good to hear from you as I know you support so many others, sharing your own experiences. I am so sorry for your recent and past losses too. I agree that time is often the only way through these circumstances.

I'm coming to a point where I am trying to be thankful for the few weeks of pregnancy we had rather than seeing it negatively (albeit this is a a fleeting feeling). I now feel I can say that I have been a mum and known in a small way what it is to give your all to another. I think this is true for anyone going through IVF (pregnancy or not)- we give our all and sacrifice so much.

Thank you as always for your kind and comforting words. I hope your current explorations of donor routes is progressing well and wishing you every success xx

[Minniemouse88]

Just wanted to say thank you for all your supportive messages. Re-reading them has brought me lots of comfort in these difficult few days.I had medical management of the miscarriage in hospital on Monday and thankfully it went without problems.

To all those who are going through or have gone through similar, I hope you all find peace and a happy ending however that looks.

For now, thank you again for sharing your experiences ( I appreciate they are painful memories).

Take good care xx