Suicidal thoughts : I just can't cope... - Fertility Network UK

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Suicidal thoughts

I just can't cope any more with it. I'm into the 8th year of all this. I've had 7 years of having to have perfect sugar levels, test and tests to be told "everything's fine" to then later be told I have endometriosis which is what causes me all the pain I suffer with. I then have had 5 fresh ivfs on long protocols which are very tough to manage diabetes alongside the hormones.

I spent two years having a break from ivf and helping my body with foods and vitamins to help manage endo side effects.

I do ivf again to have a second miscarriage. I'm being harassed at work by a pregnant girl and my company will not do anything about it despite me trying to tell them. This has caused me so much stress on top of my grieving.

Yesterday one of my friends told me shes pregnant (afterivf) and today my sister told me. Both at 12 weeks and would have found out 3 weeks after I miscarried my baby.

I've sunk to an all time low and just as i was starting to pull out of it again. I'm on the line of either sinking to a breakdown and even thoughts have gone through my head of how to end it all. I've thought about stoo taking my insulin or overdosing on it or pills. I just can't cope. I have no one to talk to. I have no friends and my family font understand.

Then theres a fire in me. The fire that wants to rise above it all and be the Phoenix after all has burnt down and rise again. I'm at an all time low. I just want the pain to stop.

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Hey I'm not really sure what to say as I know I cant make you feel better but on some kind of level we are all struggling and I want you to know that I'm thinking about you! I'm not sure if you have done any counselling or perhaps see your GP to let him know how bad you are feeling it may just be a one off today after you've had two lots of pregnancy news but I'm really worried about you!! We are here for you!!xxx

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Thank you. I feel such a pity post I really do. I just saw your news too hun. Massive hugs through the tears 😘 xxx

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If getting things out on here helps then that's great! Dont suffer in silence, things will get better.

I'm doing ok, feeling a bit sorry for myself but will get my strength back for another go!xx

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Thank you so much. I'm going to treat myself to a very unhealthy mc Donald's, plus and friends sesh. I'm do tired of having these feelings.

Of course hun, it is so hard to deal with and will be. You have every right to be. Make sure you look after yourself ( I know I'm one to talk there 😂) xx

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Now that definitely sounds like a plan!! It is tiring feeling down and you just feel like you're getting back up to be knocked down again....its a vicious circle. At least you know that we can relate to how you feel, its not quite the same as having your friends or family understand but unfortunately nobody can understand until they have been there....not that I'd wish it on anyone!! You look after yourself too, be kind to yourself and come back here and chat when you need to!😘xx

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Please speak to someone darling we all reach a low but it seems you have really hit rock bottom please go see your doctor they will help you we are all rooting for you and know exactly how you feel lots of love to you please please seek advice it ain’t worth taking your life you are very precious to your loved ones xx

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I spoke to my gp on Tues who said he needs to keep an eye on me. Offered no councelling or anything. He did sign mr off sick from work but I'm terrified by doing that I'll then get capability managed at work now I've raised a grievance. I just can't process any of it. I was starting to come out of it and to feel better with things. xx

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You are not on your own we are all experiencing these sad feelings maybe not to this extent but we know where you are coming from no body understands this journey unless they have been in it it’s the truest thing outmr gynaecologist told us please please don’t feel alone because your not darling I promise you your not alone xxx we are all friends here in rachel if it makes you feel better you can private message us we are here to help if we can xxx

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Hi i wanted to let you know if you are in England maybe even UK, you can access free counselling and self refer. You have been through so much so may be worth looking into. Just type in your gp surgery and it will bring up any local services. Wishing you all the best. Keep fighting xx :

beta.nhs.uk/find-a-psycholo...

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Hi! Thank you for being so open and honest. This is a very tough journey and you have been in it a very long time. I agree with the lovely ladies above. You should see your GP about how you’re feeling and perhaps access some CBT or some sort of therapy. We understand the pain and loneliness of infertility xxx

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Thank you. I know I need some help. I just need some friends too who understand this and I do t have that. xx

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Well you’ve got us x

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Thank you. That means so much to me xx

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Please speak to someone lovely your GP or Samaritans are always there for you to talk to: 116 123. They are available 24 hrs a day 7 days a week.

You're not alone 😘 💕

Sending you lots of love and strength x x x x x

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Thank you. I speak to the samaritans on a daily basis at the moment. Sometimes helpful, sometimes not so much. I spoke to a lady on Sunday who was brilliant. Im on a waiting lost for councelling too but its fir pregnancy and infertility so I'm guessing priority goes to pregnancy. Another slap around the face xx

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I'm glad you're speaking to someone and if putting down your feelings on here helps, just a little bit, keep going. We are all here for you 😘

Sorry to hear you're on a waiting list for counselling - I hope it's not too long. You've been through so much. Be kind to yourself and continue talking. It won't miraculously make everything go away but will help relieve some of the pressure.

Always here if you need to talk x x x

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Thank you!

Maybe I'm expecting miracles but yeah I need the weight off me. I'm looking into some other counselling I can maybe get a lot sooner. thank you xx

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That's great 😘

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Please please talk to somebody, it won’t solve things but might let off pressure short term and if you can find someone you trust i.e. a counsellor you can get their support long term. I saw a counsellor at one point and it felt like such a relief to say everything on my mind completely truthfully without censorship or judgement and to have recognition for the pain I was feeling. These things shouldn’t be underestimated. It is worth speaking to a specialist fertility counsellor. Just having someone recognise what an incredibly difficult and serious thing you’re going for (it is massive and rare and you’re not alone but this is not comparable to anything else that other people deal with in life, honestly- you are climbing the Mount Everest of fertility battles here) is so important. I’d also urge you to tell just one person, partner or friend/ family about the suicidal thoughts. It has to be the first step on the pathway to getting help, these hurdles can’t be overcome on our own no matter how much you convince yourself. I’m so so sorry for everything you’re going through, it just isn’t fair there is this much pain heaped on people.

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I also know a fertility counsellor who does Skype calls. I’m not sure if can post her details here though, I think not and would have to check the group rules. She is very experienced and works in the NHS and privately. Perhaps you’ve seen somebody already though.

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Thank you for your words. That really helps knowing others "get it". I like the way you've worded it. I have had councelling in the past but just feel as though I go round in circles. I'm now going to look into it again. Its just those thoughts that come to my head as I'd be pain free. There'd be no more hurt. I call the samaritans pretty much every day but maybe I need proper help. xxx

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Have you tried EFT? I’ve been reading that this can help with some of the negative thoughts. I’m going to look into it too xx

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Not tried this no but looking into it, thank you. xx

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Aww honestly please don’t do anything to harm yourself. I completely understand how you are feeling. I hit such a low that I couldn’t stop crying for weeks I didn’t want to get out of bed shut the curtains and just lay in complete darkness. A friend suggested a councillor and I went along. Honestly the best thing. I literally just let absolutely everything out. Everything that was going on in my head. And. I have never felt better. It may seem like there is no escape from this but you can do it. We are all here for you. Anytime day or night. Let the sun shine again in your life. Open up to someone and cry let it all out xxx

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I’m so sorry to read this it sounds as though you have had such a tough time of it. This journey can make you feel so alone but this group is amazing and so supportive. Please keep reaching out to people and do whatever it takes to get through. Is there a fertility counsellor you could see? Sending a massive virtual hug xx

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I’m so sorry you’re going to through all of this. It is so hard and life is so unfair. It’s so good that you’re reaching out though. Have you considered taking to a therapist with experience in fertility?

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Hi Soapsuds. So sorry to hear that you are feeling so very low at the moment. It does hurt when everyone around you is managing to have a baby without too much trouble. Unfortunately you’ve got one of the most miserable gynae problems- endometriosis. Enough to drag anyone down, coupled with diabetes. Just now, you need some help. You must see your GP and tell him/her how you are really feeling. You’ve lost two precious pregnancies, for which you are still grieving, a pain that never quite goes away, but is manageable given time. Perhaps a week off work would be good, especially having a rubbish boss. You are the most important person there, so we need to look after you. Just be careful who you spend time with for now, and please get that help from your GP to help you move forward again, rather than being stuck. If you ever feel like speaking to me in confidence, I’m I’m my office on Monday 10.00-4.00pm. Just me and my little black cat, no one listening in. My direct line is 0121-323-5025. Thinking of you. Diane

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Thank you so much Diane. I'm so alone in all this. Yes very careful.who I speak to atm. Thank you x

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Hi Soapsuds, I will be 8 years ttc this December. 3 cycles of IVF, 5 cycles of clomid and many many years of timed dtd! Never had a positive and have never experienced a loss but every month for me, it is a loss. In July my sister in law gave birth and last week my little sister gave birth, I am so pleased for them but so sad for me and my OH that we don't get to experience parenthood. It's so hard doing all of this when you keep getting knocked down or back and feel like you are getting no further forward when you feel everyone around you are getting pregnant so easily. As the others have said please talk to your GP, don't keep what you are thinking or feeling bottled up. I've taken to asking my GP for what I want recently (an endometriosis referral), it appears leaving it to them takes longer to get what you need. If you can, ask your GP to refer you for counselling. You've been through a lot and it's no wonder you feel the way you do. As the other ladies have said, we are all here for you, you are not alone here ever. Sending hugs xx

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Thank you. It's just so brutal to keep going through this. I've lost my friends, my money, my identity, most my marriage at some points and now my family.

Very tough for you and sil giving birth the same week. Massive hugs 😘 xx

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Hi sorry you're struggling, definitely in the same boat struggling wise and I think we all are as its so crap. Let it all out on here! x

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Absolutely, this group has been awesome! xx

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Im so sorry that about your difficult journey. I just want to echo everyone else's comment about seeking some help. I've been to counselling by myself and with my partner. It's helped tremendously. I also see a hypnotherapist who has helped me through one of the toughest days of my journey. I nearly cancelled my appointment because I couldn't stop cry that day. I'm glad I went. She managed to help me stop crying.

Please please talk to some sort of professional. Sending hugs and kisses xxx

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Thank you. I've contacted one person but shes not taking on anyone else so waiting to hear from another. I know I can't take any more. I may get In touch with my hypnotherapist again. I do enjoy it but dont get a complete release of emotion xx

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Hi. I am so sorry To hear you are feeling this way. It can be a terribly lonely place when you feel so low and it is totally understandable in your disruption. But you are so brave and strong and you’re needed and wanted more than you can know at this bleak and devastating time. Please seek help in any form you fe will benefit you-push your GP into fast tracking you, it can be done and you deserve someone to talk to for your so sad losses. We are all here for you. Xxx

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Thank you. That means so much to me. I wanted to start fet this month but I know I font have the mental capacity for it but the keeping waiting is so hard xx

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Please speak to someone, I think we have all been to dark places at times but its important to discuss this with someone if you’re feeling this low. This is a lonely journey so you have to force yourself to talk to friends/family but they will only know the extent of your sadness based on how much you tell them, so offload, make sure they know. Clearly there are a lot of people on this forum who care and it’s great to see so many people supporting you, but you also need support outside of this forum. As Diane said you really need to advise your Doctor how you’re feeling and push them to give you help. The loss from a suicide is almost unbearable and I’m sure you have lots of people who care and love you. Please take care xxxx

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Thank you so much

I'm reaching out to councellors tonginf one and can call Diane. I have a lot to process and cannot take any more. It's just when a way out of this pain, it becomes attractive. It's not like I'm actively looking to do anything but this thoughts fo go through my head lately. xx

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Im sorry you feel like this. I could have written this myself!

Im having fresh cycle 5 at the moment, nothing to show other than 2 miscarriages. The most recent of which i had surgically removed on the same day as my friend had a planned section (which was also 2 days before what should have been the first ones 1st birthday) plus 5 of my friends are pregnant and one recently had her 2nd baby a week after what was my due date.

I feel the same as you, constantly knocked down and never given a break. Its making me hate all my friends as all but 2 or 3 of them don't seem to care at all.

I was in a dark place at christmas and was also thinking of ending it all, DH never left my side so i didn't get chance to do it. Im feeling a bit better now, whereby i don't wanna do that any more but im still living in a dark cloud feeling like I'll never get my baby. Its so unfair.

I guess the point to this is you most certainly aren't alone in how you feel and i think to some degree after the journey you have had/are on its probably natural to feel like that.

i really hope you get the help you need, feel better soon and get some better luck sent your way soon 🤞 ❤ xx

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Hi

This post really moved me, I’m too thinking the same thing.

It feels like I’ve got a huge gap in my heart and it will never be filled until we get our family.

I’m currently having counselling but in the back of my head I’m thinking how will I ever get through this as it’s not like it will ever go away.

It’s getting to the point where I’m thinking, who will I leave my belongings to, my photos and tell my stories too, it breaks me every now and again.

Xx

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Sorry you feel the same. Its hard to see a way out isn't it? Makes me so mad. Sending positive thoughts your way. I feel like that about counseling, it may help me to think about it but its never going to treat the reason why im so miserable. Need to pray for a miracle for that!! ❤ xx

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Thank you. It's what infertility does. I'm turning into a person that I don't want to be.

My oh wont leave me atm. I had a bath tonight and he kept coming in. It makes him sad to see me this down. Yesterday I sat on the sofa all day, curtains closed and pjs. Today we went for a walk and I then had a bath.

It's the unfairness of it all. I'm trying to not be bitter but I just have to feel it all right now xx

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Hi Soapsuds86,

It is awful to fell that way but great that you still have the strength to recognise how are you feeling and seek help. Good to see that you saw your GP for help,m. Take that week off, focus on yourself, be a little selfish and work and do what makes you happy so then you can have the strength to raise as Phoenix.

And if you ever need to talk we are all here - please DM if you need to speak with someone at any time. xx

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Thank you. This is why I didn't want to do ivf again as I couldn't cope with the failure of it all. It's getting closer to stopping ivf as I cant do it forever. I just cant face life childless. Thank you. I do need to be selfish right now but feel so guilty for it. xx

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Yeah, this whole process kind of sucks 😣 the stupid hormones, the fear of failure, wanting to stay positive but just not too much that you will crash when things don’t work out and then the prospect of it never working... it is all unexplainable and heartbreaking.

I wish there was a protocol to follow for our emotions the same way that we follow with the medication - we would all be pros at it!

From the replies I read it seems you are taking the week - that’s great! Take care of yourself this week, make yourself priority one. Tell your significant other and anyone that matters that this is “Soapsuds86’s week” and you need the time to get back to be yourself - those you love will understand and support, those who don’t... well 🤷🏻‍♀️ bye bye! If they don’t care they shouldn’t have a place in your life.

xx

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Dear Soapsuds86

I'm so deeply sorry you are experiencing this pain. There have been times I have contemplated the same. All I can say is please please speak to your GP. The NHS counselling service has access to specialist fetility counsellors. I can't say they will stop.you feeling these feelings but they will at least help you process things in a healthy rather than unhealthy way. Another things that helps when I feel desperate is that I speak to my clinic to plan away forward. Having endo is awful. I have it to. Maybe you could have an laparoscopy or something to treat it. Many women have success after treating the endo. Most importantly work on your mind as well as your body. Xxxx

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Thank you. Yes endo is a b**t**d of a disease. I've had a laparoscopy already and not allowed any more. I have symptoms of bowel endo too and had a sigmoidiscopy but they found nothing. I know I have issues from my ectopic pregnancy too. They just dont care. I've treated endo with foods that help with inflammation, vitamins etc too. It does help ease it. I definitely need to get back to my gp xx

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Bless u keep going and can you talk to your doctor or partner? If you feel so low please seek professional help my lovely. There is always someone to talk too even ring the samaratans x take care and be strong

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I am so sorry you're feeling this way. As others have said, please continue to talk to people such as your GP and the Samaritans. Does your work have an employee assistance programme?I've had help through my work one before and it was so helpful. You're not alone and we are all here to support you too. Maybe taking some time off work will give you some space too and some well needed r&r. You come first above work and anything else that is going on at the moment. Lots of love and hugs to you xxx 😘

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Thanks. I do get terrified for taking time off atm. I do have a week off week after next so hanging on for that. Theres so much love and support here, I'm so grateful xx

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Hi Soapsuds86

Sending you lots of love. Please please speak to someone. Take small steps one day at a time. It will get better and the cloud will lift.

I suffer with depression. Never could take the contraceptive pill when I was younger as the hormones triggered an imbalance when brought on terrible depression.

Husband and I have been trying for a child for 6 years. Had one round of failed IVF. I didn’t deal with the drugs. The drugs triggered a bad bout of depression which lasted a year or so. I felt the same. I wanted to walk into the sea and never come back. I felt desperate.

Three years one I’m glad I didn’t make that decision. We are still in the same situation (childless) but now a little braver looking in other options like adoption.

Talking helps please reach out to someone and be kind to yourself. You have been through more than most people will go through in a life time.

Please pick up the phone and speak to Diane.

Laney_ xxxx

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Interesting you say that as I'm meant to go on the pill this time round and I never took to the pill as I was always so depressed when I took or bled for 6 weeks constantly and told it is "normal". I feel I could be like that too. I suffer so badly with the drugs but never sure if its my diabetes or the drugs/situation or all of it combined.

That's great you've decided to adopt and such a lovely thing to do for a child. Wish you the very best with that although I do not know much about adoption, I understand it is not an easy process xx

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Hi Soapsuds86

IVF is a very distressing journey and you're doing well to take breaks from it, in addition to this, you haven't had a supportive situation at works, so, this adds up. I have gone through an accelerated version of what you have gone through (3 egg collections + 1 transfer + tough times at work) over the past 6 months and ended up very depressed. My clinic offers counselling, and, after a few sessions, my counsellor recommended I take anti-depressants. I went to an NHS gp who didn't to much for me, then went to a private go who prescribed SSRIs and time off to me. Eventually I decided not to take the medication as I managed to get better with rest, counselling and talking to people around me. But if you're severely depressed and your gp doesn't help with counselling or medicine or both, I would (1) ask him the questions very directly (e.g. "can I have counselling? I am depressed because of my current situation") if you haven't already or (2) find a private gp who might be more helpful. Anecdotally, a fertility consultant told me that 20% of her patients were on anti-depressants because the treatment is so stressful.

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Thank you. That's shocking to know 20% on anti depressants due to the treatment. I do need to approach my gp. When I saw him this week he said that he needs to keep an eye on me but no asking for me to go back etc. I dont like pills for it. They're my last resort and witk for some but not for me. Although I do have diazepam for anxiety overdrive. I prefer to talk it out, and seek other methods. I'm going to pick up hypnotherapy again too. xx

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Definitely go and do some therapy or counselling but also it might be worth thinking of changing your IVF clinic - 8 years it’s a long time!

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Hello soapsuds86

I

Please be assured you are not alone... but I can totally understand how you are feeling... it wasn’t long ago that I was feeling like that and I was at a loss what to do... we have 6 failed attempts... and this has included 3 retrieval’s all of which I developed OHSS and was pretty poorly and so had to have time to recover and get back on my feet... each time and it was harder and the more transfers we had I naively thought it would get easier but it was the total opposite.

Through the time I have lost count of the number of pregnancies I have heard about... and at lunch and quiet periods of work sat through all their news... just sat there quietly wishing I wasn’t there and wishing it was me so much... and getting home and just breaking down so I could cry no more... some were more sensitive than others.

I think we have a right to feel sorry for ourselves... but we also have to find the strength somehow to get through.... which at times is so hard.... but we are survivors and we are here for each other...

I don’t know what you do but I found occupational health really supportive and have a look at your options... I took the plunge and changed jobs.... the best move I did.... I know moving jobs is stressful... totally appreciate that but...

I am getting ready for our 7th transfer although Mother Nature isn’t playing fair... yet again and so it is just waiting.

Promise you will speak to someone... and we are here for you and each other.

Sending lots of love and support

🌸🌸🌸

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Thank you so much. I'm feeling much lighter today and even laughed at things. My anxciety has been calm today and that's helped massively.

Sorry to hear your struggles. Ohss is just awful to deal with too. You're right, each time does get harder. The pressure gets harder.

I think my life is on hold for the baby and I'm putting everything on pause for it. xx

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You are very welcome and am pleased to hear that... I have learnt to take each day as it comes... I have my good days... and I have my bad days.. but having ways of managing the bad days helps...

I totally understand... I have put things on hold... hoping for the positive outcome we so dream off... I even chose my wedding dress a few years ago so it could be altered 😊.... but... anyway... just give yourself a little time and love.... we will be ok 😊🌸🌸

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I’m so sorry to read your post. The most important thing is your mental health. If your work are unable to support you, go to your GP. Explain how you are feeling and some of the stress is coming from work. They should offer to sign you off. Then you can have some time to maybe have some counselling to help you cope with some of the other stresses. If your GP isn’t supportive, go to A and E. You have been so brave to share that you are having these thoughts. Make sure you follow up and get the help you need to deal with them. You are so valued in the world. I know sometimes it can be hard to believe that but it’s absolutely true. I will pray that you will be surrounded by people who tell you that they love you and that professionals give you the support you need to overcome this. God bless. x

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Thank you. IVF contacted a second councellor today who is low on appointments so will try another tonight. So hard to find them. I agree, I do need to psy attention to my mental health as I'm so overwhelmed right now. xx

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So so sorry to read this. I can totally understand why you feel so low. I know that you speak to the Samaritans every day and they are a fantastic service (my Mum used to be one). Please note though that they are not trained counsellors though so I think it would be massively beneficial to seek a professional. Please go and see your GP and explain the situation and hopefully they can refer you on. Well done for posting on here. Admission of your feelings is definitely the first step to getting help. We are all totally here for you xx

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It’s so difficult I know. Sometimes it feels like the easiest option but you have people around you who love you and you have so much support on here. When you’re feeling this bad, please reach out. It really does help. I had some counselling a couple of years ago which helped. If you have health insurance at work, you should be able to get it through that. I still get my low days but not as bad as I used to.

Keep going and remember you have all of us if you need a listening ear xx

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No, you should not feel the pity post. You are suffering and we all need to vent. You have people here who truly understand. We all are here because of emotional and mental anguish. I am so sorry that you had the miscarriage. I have a friend who has Endometriosis too. She can not have children. Have you considered adoption? I know a woman wants to give birth to their own. There are so many people who get pregnant and do not even want their baby. That is why adoption is great. You can still love that baby like your own. It would be a great gift to that child. Just for that child and you. That child could grow up knowing that a great lady like you even if no blood- related. You still could love them just like your own. You never want to end your life by just cashing in. Those we leave behind would suffer far more than any other death. They would always wonder what could I have said to stop this from happening? I had a cousin who was only 20 years of age. She had to have a hysterectomy. She was so young and never have children of her own. She adopted 2 beautiful babies. Those 2 babies grew up to be fine individuals who loved my cousin and her husband. Just to know they had a good family and were loved so much. I have been pregnant 3 times. It is not a piece of cake. You would not have to go through all the pain of carrying one around for 9 months. LOL! I hope this did not hurt you. I am joking but it is kind of true. You are wonderful and brave. Never give up. As far as work and all the pregnant ones. You are just as wonderful as them. Some women are not able to have babies of their own. There is no shame. Do not let those at work get to you. They win if you let them. As far as harassment at work and your boss not taking care of it. Go the higher power. Go to someone higher than them. It is a boss legal obligation to take care of harassment. It is a form of bullying. It is wrong. You hang in there hun and never give up.

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Please never feel alone, we are all on this journey with you. There are days when you feel high and mighty and others that you wish the Earth would just consume you. Please don't give up, we all have your back, we may not be there physically, but definitely there in spirit.

Sending you big hugs and please be sure to go and see your GP. Speaking to a neutral source can sometimes make you feel so much better. Xxx

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I don’t think I can really add to all the great advice that all the ladies have given. Please speak to someone if you can, it’ll really help.

Sending you lots of hugs xxx

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I'm so sad to hear you're feeling this way but completely understand as it sounds like you've had a hard road to travel and that you have difficult circumstances at present, as well.

I see you've been to your GP and they haven't offered counselling-sadly, not all GPs are equally forthcoming on this matter but I would definitely ask for a referral. As someone else has responded, you may even be able to self refer, depending on where you are in the country. I'd Google it.

In the meantime, perhaps an infertility support group would be helpful? Even though you may feel very alone at the moment, there are likely to be others living locally to you who feel equally alone but to whom you can relate?

I understand that when experiencing suicidal thoughts, it can feel that there is no other way but I promise there is. My best friend took her own life, convinced that this was the only way. She was a beautiful person and I'm heartbroken when I think of all that she had ahead of her in life and all of the people who loved her, even if she didn't always realise just how much. So many of us are just so lost without her, two years on.

I don't want to make you feel guilty but it really isn't the answer and I promise that is help out there. I can guarantee that the lives of those around you would never be the same without you and nothing would be any better for anyone.

Sending so much love xx

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I'm so sorry to hear this. You've been through so much it's no wonder you're struggling. Please please speak to someone about how you're feeling and get some help and support. Your GP would be a good start but you can also contact Mind who maybe able to access some counselling for you. You can also speak to the Samaritans if you feel you can't open up to those who are close to you. At the moment you need to put yourself first and explain to your and friends and family what you need in terms if coping with your sister's and friend's pregnancy. Consider taking time off work sick, at the moment your doctor would almost certainly sign you off and it might help give you some space. Sending you lots of love it won't always feel like this I promise. Xx

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Your post makes me cry. We are all so vulnerable aren't we? There is goodness out there in the world though. Please let us know you are doing.

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Hi, I am very sorry to hear you are having a difficult time with IVF. please don’t stay like that, speak to your gp and your clinic. They probably have a counsellor who you can see for free. There are also some anonymous helpline which you can contact such as:

Fertility network support line: 01213235025 (Monday to Friday from 10am to 4pm)

The samaritans - call 116 123 (free of charge 24/7)-Samaritans.org

Mind-call 03001233393 or text 86463-mind.org.uk

I hope this will help.

IVF is such a hard journey. You are not alone. We are here for you. Please don’t give up hope. Be in touch. Feel free to pm me if you need to.

Take care.

Sending you a big warm cuddle. 💖

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Thank you so much xx

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I just want to add my love and support to this. The emotional trauma we live with on a day to day basis is unbearable at times, and it's so little understood in the mainstream. I think it was very brave and honest to write and post this. Echoing what everyone else has said, there are many of us who do understand just how low this terrible experience can take us, and I hope you find the support you need to keep going xxx

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Thank you xx

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I'm so sorry you feel like this but please talk it out even if only on here. Its so important not to bottle up and try and deal with on your own. It's such a tough journey we go through and I think unless you've been through it you've no idea what's involved. Sending you hugs and best wishes x

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Absolutely, it's so hard to understand if not been through it. xx

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I am so sorry, please know you’re not alone. Is there any counselling available? It helped me so much x

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Searching for it. Difficult to find but had to be out there xx

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What area do you live in? As in which NHS Trust? I’ll see what I can find. Are you NHS funded?xx

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Thank you for having the strength to share this. I personally can’t stand being around pregnant women, you aren’t alone in that. There are 2 at my office (same age as me), got married similar time to me and I avoid them. I’m dreading my best friend getting pregnant again and hoping my sister doesn’t start trying soon.

The thing helping me is meditation and gratitude practice. It’s not everyone, but I personally find it really helpful.

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Yeah I do love meditation and did it all for my ivf. Now its stopped so have I. I could do eith getting into it again. It's just silencing my head for a while. I'm going to have hypnotherapy again. xx

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Hi, OMG this could be me writing this post! I am actually on holiday at the moment and burst out crying in the middle of a busy strip because I saw a mother with 2 little children. One of them (about 2 years old) came up to me and my husband... I was so emotional after they left.

I agree with everything you are saying. Thank you for being so honest! Xxxx

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Oh hun,hope you're ok. Infant be nothing else but honest any more. It's too difficult not to be. If I don't be honest the tears will.dhow it any way xx

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So sorry you’re feeling like this - if you ever need to have chat, rant anything. I’m always here for you. I’ve been the same in a low state of mind, and been struggling to pick myself back up. Please don’t do anything to harm yourself, I’m praying better days are coming for you. You can also self refer to a counsellor which is what i have done. You are stronger than you think xxx

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Thank you. I know I need to talk. I'm trying to find a councellor. I just want to make sure I get the tight help and they understand infertility. xx

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Massive virtual hugs

Please please please seek out someone to talk to whether it be a GP referral, if your clinics provide a therapy or there are several generic agencies including the Samaritans if it gets to that point. I appreciate you are going through a tough season but am a big believer it will pass. Keep on looking after yourself re your nutrition etc but also don't forget have fun live life

Not pretending its easy I know its not but one day even one hour at a time.

Re work are you part of a union?

All the best xxx

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No union no. I do standup for myself though and throw in the legal terms etc. That's where my energy has focused and I just need to focus it back onto myself and look after myself.

I do already feel much lighter and actually overwhelmed with the support from this group xx

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It’s awful that you feel this low. When I’ve been at my lowest I’ve often thought am I meant to be happy and what’s the point. I was listening to Radio 1 yesterday on our 3hr drive home from a day out. They were talking about mental health and I could relate to everything they were saying until the celebrity that was on air said you don’t feel you have a purpose until you’re a mum and I just looked at my husband and I was lost for words. It’s almost as if she was in my head.

Going to the GP may feel pointless as they may give you a counselling leaflet but would it help with getting to the next step? Nothing anyone can say will remove this feeling, I’ve learned to allow yourself to feel these feelings of grief and then let them pass and take each day one day at a time. X

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Hi soapsuds86 I hope your feeling better I understand your work situation and if your on capabilities procedure you will sail through it, most people do, its just a management thing its because you have health issues, stay strong, do your best to be aware off your thoughts and manage them to be positive. your situation is temporary and nothing stays the same things change for the better do your best to move on ignore that women at work, But make notes of her comments and dates to give to management. concentrate on you and your partner only, put other people's situations out of yours. I understand others have their pregnancies do your best not to let your frustration stress you more. Infertility is difficult and always consider adoption as another route I always think of the outcome at the end there is a child. Hope this helps 💕

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Hiya,how are you doing?xx

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Hi Hun,

I completely get where you are. I have been feeling the same. Maybe we can support each other... I am in the same boat with no one here my number is+447584625020 my email is jemmachancellor@mail.com please do get in contact as if u are feeling like I have you will feel so low you don’t want to because you don’t have the strength! Please do... be nice to have some support and I hope I can offer u the same. If not then I’m sending you a huge hug... don’t give up xxxx

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